Help Wanted Outtakes
by jaxon22
Summary: Outtakes from the completed story Help Wanted. DO NOT read unless you have read that first. Language and lemons apply.
1. Chapter 1

**Howdy folks! Did ya miss me?**

**Ok, so this first outtake is a tough one…really tough, so big girl panties may be required.**

***There is drug use in the following chapter and descriptions that some readers may find disturbing so please be warned.***

**If you are not old enough STOP READING NOW! Yes, you! STOP!**

**Ok…here we go…**

**Chapter Playlist:-** _Brazen (Weep) – Skunk Anansie, Crawling – Linkin Park, Numb – Linkin Park, Breathe me - Sia_

**The Lowest Point**

_**The following is set six and a half years prior to Help Wanted**_

**EPOV**

The pounding in my head was fucking vicious and it wasn't being helped one little bit by the ferocious banging that was coming from the door of my apartment. It had seeped slowly onto my comatose state and now that I was awake I wished to hell I wasn't.

I swear to Christ my brain felt like a fucking building had collapsed on it and had then proceeded to leave the fucking rubble in my mouth. I ached everywhere and my bones creaked with stiffness.

I made to move my arm so that I could hold my forehead before the insides slid the fuck out of my ears, when I noticed that I couldn't move the left side of my body.

Opening my eyes very slowly, I looked to the side of myself in confusion to see a halo of long auburn hair splayed across the pillow next to me.

_Shit…_

It was then that I realised that I was naked.

_Bang, bang, bang…_

I closed my eyes tightly and exhaled down my nose.

_Fuck_, that hurt…

I moved my free arm, rubbing the bridge of it gently. The body next to me moaned into my pillow and shifted away so that I was finally able to move, which I did with a deep breath and a loud cough. I felt like fucking ass and as I caught my reflection in the mirror on the wall next to my bed as I sat up, I realised I looked like it too. My face was sallow and pale and my eyes were rimmed with dark circles. The hair on my head was also a fucking disaster area.

Not that that shit was a new development.

I sighed in resignation and shrugged at the fucker that stared back at me.

Whatever, he sneered in answer.

The banging on the door continued in fucking earnest and the auburn haired body in my bed fidgeted in agitation.

"What the fuck?" she muttered, because I'd be fucked if I even remembered her name let alone who the hell she was. She turned her face towards me, narrow eyed and skin pale as mine. I closed my eyes again as an image from the previous night suddenly flashed in front of me.

_Club, lights, drinks, coke, dancing, need, anger, frantic hands, wet heat and lips on my cock…_

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, ignoring her question, assuming it was fucking rhetorical and pushed myself slowly to my feet. I wobbled slightly as I bent down to grab my sweat pants off of the war zone that was my bedroom floor, kicking the empty condom wrapper to the side in annoyance.

_Bang, bang, bang…_

"Jesus!"

James's shout came from outside my room, followed by loud stomps towards the front door.

"It's fucking 8am! This had better be fucking good!"

I grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it over my head before rubbing my hands down my face after glancing once again at the person in my bed and then at my surroundings. Beer cans, clothes and food cartons and wrappers of all descriptions lay around me with a dusty mirror and a rolled up twenty in the middle of it, finishing the clichéd student dwelling fucking perfectly.

Yep, I thought wryly, this is my life. Fucking awesome.

I was jarred out of my self loathing when I heard a huge crash and raised voices that got louder in volume as they approached my door.

"You fucking crazy bitch!" James shouted.

"If you don't get out of my way, I'll show you with my knee in your crotch just how much of a crazy bitch I am. Now move!" The female voice retorted with enough venom that I believed every word she just said.

Christ, it fucking couldn't be…_could it_…?

I whipped the door open in a blind panic to find James with his back to me, standing in front of my sister who looked like she was just about ready to kill a motherfucker.

"What the sweet Jesus is going on out here?" I asked as loud as I could without my head exploding.

"Your crazy bitch sister here thinks it's perfectly acceptable to kick the shit out of our front door and then nearly take my fucking head off when I tell her to fuck off!"

"James," I growled. "Shut up and back off."

He swivelled around to look at me with a face that might have looked aggressive if he didn't look completely fucking annihilated by all the shit he had put in his body over the past few months. Holy shit he looked like hell. I felt a slither of fear and guilt creep up my spine as I considered how I had matched his drug use and drinking pace for pace and then locked that shit the hell down when I realised that it made no fucking difference what I put in my body or - my eyes slid back to the girl in my bed - what I put in anyone else's.

It was all I was fucking worth, right?

"Fine, dipshit," he snarled back with a finger in my chest. "_You_ fucking deal with her." With a glare and a sniff he pushed past Alice and stormed back to his room, slamming his door for good measure.

"Alice. What the fuck?" I started with an anxious hand through my hair.

"Don't, Edward," she seethed. "Don't fucking start with me. I have just driven twelve fucking hours to get here, with no sleep, so you _do not _want to go there."

"Twelve hours? What the hell are you doing driving…"

Before I could say another word she had barged past me and was standing, hands on her hips glowering at the stranger in my bed who was, unsurprisingly, looking utterly stunned and somewhat terrified.

"Get the fuck out," Alice hissed.

"Jesus Alice," I started, feeling my anger begin to boil.

"Now!" she yelled, pointing towards the door.

The poor girl shot off the bed like a bullet and began scurrying around my room, picking up her clothes and purse while muttering under her breath.

"You have no right to do this," I fumed quietly as I stared at my sister.

I clenched my jaw as she glared right back, not backing down one inch. She had fucking balls I'd give her that.

Auburn girl pushed past the two of us, pulling her jeans over her pink lace panties as she did. I allowed myself a sly glance at her ass and gave myself a silent fist bump. Yeah, it was a nice ass. Ten points, Cullen.

"Sorry about this," I muttered at the back of her as she hurried across the living room towards the door.

I laughed when she turned and flipped me off before leaving with another door slam. It was maybe a good thing I didn't remember her name in terms of hitting that shit again. I doubted very much it would have made a difference after her run in with my nuts as fuck crazy sister.

"Look at the state of this place," Alice murmured as she kicked at the stuff on my floor.

She bent down and picked up a condom wrapper that I had apparently missed. Christ, I was impressed – twice? Just recently I was finding it difficult to get hard even once. Coke had that effect or so I was told. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe that one was from another night…maybe it was that blonde…_whatever_, they were all the same to me at this point.

"At least you're not too high to cover your dick before you stick it in wherever you're sticking it in," she mocked with raised eyebrows.

"Oh just fuck off, Alice."

I exhaled loudly before walking out of my room towards the kitchen, leaving her standing there all fucking judgemental and shit. I didn't need to hear her preaching again. It was getting boring and it grated on my damn nerves.

I grabbed a glass from the sink and filled it with cold water from the faucet, gulping it down in three. I belched loudly as I filled it again and turned around to see my sister with her arms crossed, standing by the kitchen table. Her face was unreadable as she looked down at the remnants of the lines, blunts and shots that had been shared from the previous three nights. It was Saturday. James and I always started our weekends early.

Hell, our weekends were pretty much never ending recently.

I hadn't been to class for at least a week. I didn't see the point.

I huffed in annoyance after she still hadn't said anything for at least two minutes. Her eyes shot to mine and narrowed when I shrugged at her.

"What?" I snapped. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me why you are ignoring your family," she answered quickly.

I dropped my chin to my chest and exhaled in exasperation. This fucking conversation again…

"Christ's sake," I grumbled, as I felt the insides of my head slosh uncomfortably behind my eyes.

"No, Edward," she snapped back. "Don't fucking dismiss us like one of your whores." She took a determined step towards me. "Mom is going out of her head with worry and dad…?" She bit the inside of her mouth as her voice shook. "He came to see me. You know he's cut off your money."

I nodded and raised my eyebrows. "Yeah, so, I don't need his fucking money."

"You think that's the point he's trying to make?" she asked incredulously.

"Well, what point is he trying to make, Alice? Come on, you seem to have all the fucking answers."

"You're killing yourself, Edward."

"Oh please," I scoffed with an eye roll.

"You're killing yourself and he doesn't want to play a part in it."

"Then it's a good job that I'm ignoring everyone, isn't it?" I bit back. "Make it easier all round, huh?"

A part of me had been fucking livid by the fact that my account had been closed, leaving me with nothing but what I had withdrawn the day before it happened. I'd almost picked up the phone to tear him a new one but I had resisted. Just another form of control I'd thought to myself and I'd be damned if I couldn't prove that I didn't need him or his fucking money.

I wondered silently if Alice had noticed that my truck was missing from the front of the apartment. All that was left of it were the wrappers, foil and baggies on the table that she had just been staring at. I had been pissed that the guy at the garage had only given me $700 for it as it was a good, reliable vehicle but shit, it would pay for the next couple of weekends and that was all that mattered.

"You really are an asshole," she croaked with a sardonic smile. "You care about no one but yourself and shoving shit up your nose."

I rubbed my nose subconsciously but stopped when I saw her eyebrows rise knowingly. I sighed and shook my head.

"Alice, sweetie," I retorted sarcastically. "If all you came here for was to stand there and lecture me like a fucking high school councillor then you can just get back in your car and fuck off back to your nice cosy dorm at your fancy fucking all girl, private school. I don't need this shit." I turned back to the sink and slammed my glass down into it before turning back to her, "especially from you."

"Yeah maybe you're right, Edward," she answered with a low chuckle.

"I usually am," I replied as I walked towards the sofa in the sitting room.

"Yeah," she continued. "I mean, why would I want to lecture a loser like you when everyone told me to not bother?"

I turned feeling my patience start to run the fuck out. "Whatever, Alice," I muttered, trying not to rise to it.

"Whatever, Alice," she mimicked. "Just fuck off back to your fancy all girl school so I can continue messing my life up because I'm shit fucking scared of turning into _Edward Masen_."

As soon as that name left her mouth I lost it. How fucking dare she?

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I roared, moving towards her in three strides and pushing my face into hers. I saw a glimmer of fear flash across her eyes but to her credit, she never moved.

Brave girl.

Brave but very fucking stupid.

My fists clenched at my sides in fury as I breathed in deeply, feeling my chest tighten as her words slammed around my head.

"You think you can come in here," I seethed. "With your designer fucking clothes and your judgemental fucking stare and tell me what to do with my life?" My voice rose as my nose almost touched hers. "You have no fucking idea what I am going through, Alice. No clue at all. You make me sick do you know that? Perfect little Alice who is top of her class, Daddy's girl and all around Miss America who hasn't had to worry about a fucking thing in her whole pretty little life. You're disgusting!"

I didn't see it but I sure as shit felt her hand as it slapped my right cheek. It took me by surprise but not as much as the second one or the fist that met my chest.

"You fucking bastard! You fucked up…piece of no good….shit, you're killing everyone…I hate you!"

Her fists and hands rained down on me. My face, my chest, I think she even got a couple of kicks in. I stood in front of her and took it. I took it all because a part of me, a part deep down in my stomach somewhere in a place that I had tried to bury, I knew that I deserved nothing more. I'd hurt her and I wanted to feel how much.

Fuck, I just wanted to feel something.

In that split second, as Alice's hand connected with my face again, I realised that I had become completely numb, utterly devoid of feeling anything, pleasure or pain. It didn't seem to make a difference. I was nearly twenty years old and I had nothing but a room full of shit, an apartment that reeked of drugs and strangers and a sister that hated me.

No…this wasn't happening. This was what she wanted, she wanted me to think like that and I wasn't ready. I didn't want to be fucking ready.

I caught her wrists in my hands and pushed her back against the sitting room wall.

"Stop fucking hitting me!" I yelled at her, wincing as I opened my jaw.

"Why?" she screamed back as tears ran down her face. "Does it hurt you to suddenly feel something?"

I paused and stared at her.

She knew. She fucking knew. This was bullshit.

With her wrists still in my hands I dragged her to the front door, opening it hard enough that it crashed into the wall behind it.

"Go home, Alice," I growled as I pushed her out of the apartment.

"Edward," she whimpered as she stumbled into the hallway while I moved to slam the door on her. "Please, for me, for Mom and Dad."

I froze with my hand on the handle, opening it back slightly.

She was broken, small and crying and I couldn't look at her. It was too real. Alice. My little sister, who looked to me for help and protection, who had driven twelve hours from New York to Chicago to see me, to talk some sense into me because she cared, because she loved me like Mom and Da-…

No. I couldn't do this.

I needed to forget.

I needed to forget everything and everybody. I was lost and I loved it because as long as I was lost I would never have to face the truth of where I came from. The name she had uttered crashed into my skull again, making me flinch.

"Go home," I whispered, keeping my eyes on the floor as I turned my back to her and closed the door.

I rested my forehead against the wood and breathed. My jaw hurt like a motherfucker and I couldn't quite decide whether it was from Alice's fists or the fact that I was clenching my teeth so hard I feared they would shatter.

I swallowed and breathed, desperately fighting the emotion that was rising like a wave over the top of my head.

"Fuck," I muttered as I lifted my head back and hit it against the door. "Fuck, fuck, FUCK!"

I pulled my fist back and slammed it into the wall, feeling the plaster crumble under my skin. It hurt. It hurt like a bitch and I was bleeding but I welcomed it. I was feeling and regardless of its origin, it felt strangely comforting.

"Hey, you damage that shit, you pay for it."

I turned to see James standing shirtless with a smirk on his face and a joint in his hand.

"Crazy face gone?" he asked as he took a long drag.

I nodded and walked back towards the kitchen to find some ice for my knuckle.

"So what was that all about?" he asked as he followed me.

I shrugged and smacked the ice cube tray hard against the sink. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my hand before reaching back into the fridge and taking a bottle of Corona off of the top shelf.

"Jesus, Cullen," James commented with a laugh. "It's not even nine, man."

"Like I give a shit," I replied as I took a long gulp.

"Fair enough," he answered, holding out the joint, which I took and sucked on as if my life depended on it. I closed my eyes and held my breath, wanting the calm to engulf me as quickly as possible before I blew the smoke out slowly. "We don't need family anyway, man. They do nothing but fuck things up, believe me."

I snorted in response and rubbed my face with my uninjured hand.

"So what's the plan of action today, dude?" he asked with a slap to my shoulder.

"Plan?" I asked to which he nodded and smiled. "The plan is," I continued as I finished my beer in one, "is to get totally and utterly fucked up."

~*~

Twelve hours later, sitting in a club surrounded by people I neither knew nor cared about, I realised with some relief that plan fucked up had been a complete success. My head pounded but in a good way and the ache in my chest that had been ever present since I threw my sister out of my apartment was being eased temporarily by the nameless black haired girl who had her lips on my neck and her hand on my cock.

James reappeared from across the dance floor with a huge smile on his face.

"I bring gifts," he crooned as he wafted a small bag of white powder discreetly under my nose.

"Excellent," I croaked with a drunken nod.

I felt a palm on the side of my face and turned to be met with warm lips against mine. The kiss from the dark haired girl was pleasant enough and for one moment I almost lost myself to it but the fucking ache remained, twitching and twisting behind my ribs.

_What if she didn't get home safely…?_

_Maybe I should have called…?_

"Cullen!"

My head snapped up to see James motioning me to get off my ass. "Come on," he moaned. "Let's get the fuck out of here."

"Um…yeah, whatever," I answered, pushing the girl off the seat. She grabbed my arm as I slumped slightly as I tried to stand up and I laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation.

"You comin'?" I slurred as I wrapped my arm across her shoulders.

"If you like," she answered as she traced my jaw with her finger. "I can drive."

"That's cool and I definitely like," I whispered into her ear, smiling when she shivered against me. "What's your name again?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Jennifer. Jen to you, Mr..."

"Jen to you," I repeated as we walked towards the club exit. "I like it. Weird but I like it."

She giggled as she slapped a hand to my chest right above the fracture in my heart that I was sure was growing bigger with every minute that I thought about Alice and the way she had looked at me...

I shook my head as we walked across the car lot to a red Honda, trying to loosen the thoughts of my sister and crushed my lips to Jen's, pushing her up against the side of the car. It was an angry aggressive kiss and I could feel her resist slightly until she finally relented and pushed back, moaning into me.

Her tongue met mine and her hands were everywhere but I couldn't feel it. I tried like fuck to feel just something but I couldn't.

I wasn't even hard.

I pulled back and rested my forehead against her shoulder panting for breath. I growled in frustration when I realised that I wasn't panting from arousal but in sheer fucking frustration.

This was fucked up.

"Come on you pair of horn dogs," James laughed from the other side of the car. "Let's go."

After falling asleep in the car and being dragged back to the apartment by the two of them, I found myself lying on the sofa, beer in one hand, joint in the other, laughing my balls off so hard that tears rolled down my face. I had no clue what I was laughing at and I had no idea how the hell I was still conscious but I continued to laugh until my throat hurt and it sounded more like a howl of pain.

Thinking about it, maybe that's exactly what it was.

As that thought struck me, I suddenly felt outrageously sober and was desperately aware of the anxiety that filled my body as I glanced around the apartment and saw the hole that my fist had made in the wall. My foot started tapping the floor in agitation as my eyes flickered from the wall to the door, back to my knuckle, over and over again.

The pain and ache rose and I was suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

"Fuck, James, are you lining up or what?" I shrieked as my hands gripped my hair like a life line.

His head snapped towards me as did Jen's who, I realised, was sitting next to me with her arm linked through mine.

"Yeah, man. Chill out," he replied as his cigarette dangled from his lip.

He pulled the baggie out of his back pocket and began cutting lines with the side of his credit card.

"Do you do coke?" he asked Jen with a smirk.

She laughed nervously and shook her head.

"You should, right, Cullen?"

"Yeah," I answered before sipping my beer, my eyes glued to James hands as they worked quickly and efficiently until there were six lines of white, mind numbing perfection. "You should try some," I added with a nod. "See how ya like it."

"I'm not sure," she replied with a small shrug. "I'll probably fuck it up."

"Bullshit," I scoffed as I slid the table closer to us. "Watch me and then you follow, ok?"

She bit her lip and paused before nodding. "Ok, why not?"

"Good girl." I smiled at her while taking the rolled up note from James. I leaned over the table, feeling her eyes on me and took the line in one.

The effect was almost immediate. It was good shit.

The buzz was fucking perfect and skittered around my body like flies under my skin. I slumped back onto the sofa, sniffing long and deep and gave Jen a lazy smile. My mind was instantly devoid of worry and I smiled slowly to myself as I felt the images of the last twelve hour dissolve into depths of my brain, locked up alongside the day I got the fucking letter from a certain Mr. Masen and the look on Esme's face when I walked out of the house while telling her that I didn't give a shit about her or my family.

"Fucking A," I said with a sigh. I pointed to the table. "Knock yourself out, Jen to you."

Her eyes watched me carefully before she picked up the note and placed it in her left nostril, pressing her index finger against her right. I looked at James over the top of her to see him grinning back, raising his eyebrows at me through his cigarette smoke in a gesture I'd grown to recognise.

Yeah, I thought, we could have some fun with this one.

We clapped and whooped as she took the line in two attempts. She sat back next to me and grinned as she rubbed her nose.

"Good?" I asked with a smile.

"Um...yeah," she answered before shaking her body out with a giggle. "Wow," she murmured. She ran her hands down her body and laughed. "Good."

I laughed with her and followed her hand down her body with my own, sighing as she arched under my touch. I still couldn't feel anything which was as frustrating as it was comforting. Even when James moved over to her and kissed her hard, I still didn't react. I leaned back and watched as he pushed his tongue into her mouth and grabbed at her tits.

They pulled apart, panting and laughing as I walked over to the fridge to grab more beer. If this was going to happen, I needed even more anaesthetic.

And so it continued.

We danced around the apartment like fucking lunatics, we kissed, we groped, we did lines and smoked dope and the numbness crashed over me in waves. I was drowning in self loathing, anger and fear and my only escape was found at the end of the rolled up twenty.

_Pathetic loser...__coward...fucked up piece of shit...I hate you..._

~*~

"I don't feel so good," Jen muttered from her place on the sofa. "I feel...sick."

It was 3am and we were all feeling the buzz start to ebb. There were no drugs left. I'd hunted through the apartment for that shit and come up empty and was now sitting with my tapping foot once again as the reality of life began to surround me.

"I'm not surprised, baby," James slurred. "You did more lines than I did."

"He made me," she murmured with a small smile, while pointing at me.

I shrugged while trying to light the half an inch of blunt that had been left in the ashtray.

She rubbed her chest with a listless palm and a deep breath. "I feel...I'm being squeezed. My jaw..."

James snorted and pulled her to his lap where he kissed her chin and face. "Too much action," he whispered in her ear, "dirty girl."

He pulled her mouth to his and kissed her. She pushed against his chest but there was no strength there.

"James," I muttered as I watched him press her into the sofa. "Ease off, man. She's fucked."

"Not yet she's not," he replied with a small wink in my direction.

"I'm gonna be sick," she panted from under him, making him lift from her faster than I'd ever seen him move before.

"Jesus Christ," he fumed, as he helped her sit up. Her head lolled lazily to the right. "Bathroom is that way."

She tried to stand up but slumped back. I frowned at her as she opened her mouth almost like she was gasping for breath.

"She really is messed up," James snorted at her side.

"Jen," I called over to her. She opened her eyes to two small slits and made a gasping sound in her throat. "You ok over there, sweetheart?"

"Sweetheart, huh?" James frowned with a smirk.

"Shut up, dickhead," I snapped at him. "There's something wrong with her."

I moved over to her and slapped her face softly. Her skin was yellow and sticky under my palm and her chest rose and dipped with shaky breaths.

"Jen," I said again but she didn't respond. "Shit. Let's get you to the bathroom, ok?"

"K," she groaned. "My chest...I can't...I..."

"James, help me," I ordered as I pulled her arm around my shoulder. She moaned, muttering something about her arm hurting and rested her head on my chest.

"Fuck's sake," James griped but did as I asked anyway. "This is your fault, Cullen. Giving her that shit was a bad idea."

I ignored him and the slamming pulse that suddenly appeared behind my eyelids and lifted up from the couch. James was obviously more pissed than he realised and staggered forward, taking Jen and me with him. I managed to stay upright but the two of them landed ungracefully on the floor with a loud bang.

James started laughing but the sound soon faltered when we both saw that Jen was shaking, almost as if she was possessed. Her eyes were half open, with only the whites visible while she shook and twisted on the floor, as a loud gurgling sound erupted from her chest.

I couldn't seem to compute what was happening. I was standing, seeing a girl have a seizure on my floor and I couldn't do anything but watch. My head felt like it was ready to explode as everything seemed to slow down. James's cries and movements around the apartment were dull thuds and languid flurries and the air that I was gulping into my body, whistled around my brain like a tornado.

She was dying. _Oh God...oh God..._

Her body suddenly stopped moving and the room became terrifyingly still and silent. James froze in his spot by the kitchen table, eyes wide and shit scared as he stared at the lifeless body at my feet. Her lips were white and her arms rested in an arched position over her head like a ballet dancer.

It may have been minutes before I moved but when I did; I placed my finger at the side of her neck, praying to every fucking deity I had heard of that I would feel a pulse. When I did I gasped in relief. It was staggered and weak but it was there.

My head snapped up to James. "Call a fucking ambulance!"

"Are you crazy? The ambulance will bring cops. Do you understand what that means, Edward?" He gestured around us both towards all the shit that would land both our asses in jail.

"Fuck," I cried, rubbing my hands down my face. "We can't leave her here. She'll die."

"This is your shit, Cullen," he screeched with a shaking finger pointed in my direction. "You gave it to her, you fucking deal with it." His eyes flickered to the girl on our floor. "I can't...I can't..."

He dropped into the seat behind him and shook his head as he mumbled to himself under his breath. It was then that I noticed Jen's car keys sitting on the table next to James's elbow.

I rushed over as best as I could in my fucked up state and grabbed them in my right hand.

There was no point in asking James to help me lift her from the floor. He was gone, vacant. Totally present in the room but so far away I doubted even_ he _knew where he was. I grabbed my black hoodie and with a groan and a stagger, I managed to lift her into my arms and made my way to the door. I looked back at James and the room that we had partied in, the room that Alice had stood in as she smothered me with her hurt and anger and exhaled.

This was wrong. This wasn't me. Not that I knew who the fuck I was but something deep down whispered that I was more than what I allowed to take over my life.

I looked down at the girl in my arms and left the building without another word to the man at my table.

I drove. I had no idea how the hell I was able to but I did.

The adrenaline pumped through my body, loud and feral, making my feet shift between the accelerator, brake and clutch and my eyes move quick enough to see any danger on the roads. The roads were quiet, which made me calmer. The black streets of Chicago were suddenly like an atlas of my life. Dark, devoid of life and so lonely that even the smallest alleyway brought little comfort. I pressed the gas harder as Jen's body began twitching at my side.

"Hold on," I muttered through clenched teeth. "Don't you fucking die on me, you hear me!"

_I hate you...fucked up...you're killing yourself, Edward...__you're killing everyone..._

The brakes screeched as I pulled to a stop at the entrance of the hospital and I took a moment to try and collect myself and what I was going to do. James was right; our asses would end up in jail. I may have been a fucking prick who didn't know who he was but I knew without doubt that I couldn't go to prison.

_Chicken shit_, my conscience whispered down my spine.

A strangled laugh left me when I realised that, when all was said and done, that was all I was. Chicken shit, a coward, a pussy who had nothing but a swagger and a smirk.

"Hey!"

My head shot round to see a doctor in green scrubs, banging on the window of my door.

"You ok, buddy?"

I shook my head, dipping it slightly so that he couldn't see me as clearly under the hood of my sweater and pushed the door open. I hurried around the car and opened the other indicating to Jen on the seat.

"She...I don't know...I tried... I gave her...she had a seizure...I..." I stuttered and mumbled in panic as the doctor bent down into the car and began flashing lights in her face and checking her pulse. Another doctor and a nurse suddenly appeared at my side with a gurney, pushing me out of the way.

Their words were low and fast and I couldn't keep up with them. It hurt too much to even try. My buzz had fucked off completely, leaving me achy, cold and more alone than I ever had been in my life.

They picked her out of the car and placed her on the gurney, muttering something about cardiac arrest and over dose. My blood ran cold and I took a slow step back.

"Hey, man, come with me to the waiting room, ok?" the doctor called as he rushed by me with Jen. Her hair was above her on the pillow like a black river.

"I..."

"What?" he asked.

"I can't..."

Another step back...

"The waiting room," he replied.

Another..._get away..._

"I...can't..."

My lungs were too small.

"I can't..."

I watched as they disappeared into the doors of the hospital, seeing them close slowly at the back of them.

"I...I'm..." I gasped for air, glancing around myself having no idea how I had arrived at that moment. "I'm so..."

My body shook and my heart hammered against my ribs.

"I'm so fucking sorry," I moaned before turning from the door and running as fast as my legs could carry me.

I ran and ran as hard and as quick as I could. My lungs burned and my muscles screamed for mercy but I kept going. I pushed and pushed, letting the pain envelop every inch of myself. I had no idea where I was running to until I realised I was facing my apartment building. I'd run seventeen blocks and I hurt everywhere.

I looked up as it began to rain and saw the dim light still shining from our window, knowing that all that awaited me was a person who was as lost and messed up as I was. We weren't helping each other.

Alice was right. We were killing each other.

I leaned heavily against the lamp post, gasping for breath and groaned as the pain in my head thundered down my spine. I collapsed onto the wooden bench that was sitting by the bus stop and with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands, I cried.

I cried tears of pain, grief, fear, hurt, anger, disappointment and guilt.

_Oh God_ the guilt...it consumed me.

_I hate you..._

Alice's face flashed behind my eyes, broken, screaming and so full of loathing it took my breath away. I saw myself reflected back in her tear filled eyes and what I saw was enough to make me physically sick. I heaved with an empty stomach over the side of the bench, calling out for someone to help me. For anyone to come and take the lead weight of chaos in my stomach that was weighing me down.

But no one came.

I was alone, just like I'd asked to be...

"_I don't need any of you!"_

I flinched as the memory of my words to my mother when I left, echoed around me.

I was exhausted. My body was fucked. My head was not my own and my heart throbbed. I coughed on my breath as it left me, my shoulders jumping as my diaphragm twitched in hysteria again and again.

It rained hard, soaking me through but I couldn't find it in myself to worry. I was alone, lost and desperate and there wasn't a single person around who cared. I had pushed every person who I had ever loved away by using words that were disgusting, vitriolic and cruel.

"Oh Alice," I murmured into my hands as I cupped my face. The rain diluted the tears on my face but I could feel them leave my body, large and unrelenting.

I smacked myself with my palm against my cheek, willing myself to pull that shit together but it was useless. I was feeling and I couldn't stop it. I felt everything that I had pushed down and tried to forget over the past two years since the day I had gotten _his_ letter and was reminded about where I had come from and that, no matter what I did with my life, I would be forever tainted with a monster's evil.

_Edward, don't leave...I hate you...please...mom is out of her head with worry...__please listen, Son..._

The pain was too much. It was physical, emotional and hit me like a freight train. It engulfed me and I was helpless to stop it.

_This is your shit, Cullen...you gave it to her...Jennifer..._

"Help," I whimpered in to my knees that were now up against my chest with my arms wrapped around them. "Christ, someone help me."

I remained seated on the bench until the sun started to rise. I blinked into the sky before glancing back up at my apartment to see that the light was still on. I moved slowly, feeling my bones and muscles protest immediately but I understood that if I didn't do what I knew I had to, at that moment, then I never would.

My feet felt like lead weights as I climbed the stairs, not even allowing myself the short luxury of the elevator and slinked back through the front door of the apartment.

James was sitting on the sofa and leapt up with a slight wobble as he saw me.

"What the fuck, man? What the hell happened? You didn't call...I've been sitting here waiting for the fucking cops to bust in here!"

I stared blankly at him, feeling my nausea rise up my body once again. It was like looking in the mirror the previous morning. Sallow skin, dark eyes, lank hair and looking more like 109 instead of nineteen.

"I...I left my cell," I offered in a monotonous tone.

He huffed and nodded with a roll of his eyes.

"So...what happened? She alive?"

"I don't know," I replied.

"What do you mean...?"

"I mean, I don't fucking know," I interrupted him in the same low, quiet tone. "I left. She was alive when I left."

He eyed me warily before adopting a defensive stance that I had seen a million times before.

_Fuck…_

"What's with you?" he asked, slipping his hands in his pockets. "You're different."

I simply looked back at him and watched his face as the pieces started to fall into place.

"You fucking pussy," he seethed.

"Don't..." I started but I had no fight left in me. I exhaled and willed myself to stay upright. "James...man, I can't anymore...I have nothing left...I can't keep running from my family..."

His fist connected with my face, hard.

"What about me, you fucking asshole?" he bellowed at me as my back hit the wall before I slid down it. "One little bitch messes up and you...You're a fucking joke, Cullen. Look at you. Pathetic piece of shit."

He spat at my chest, grabbed his coat and keys and left the apartment.

I remained on the floor, watching the blood from my nose seep into the knee of my jeans. Hours may have passed before I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket with a shaking, swollen hand.

It wasn't the first time I'd lied to James and it sure as shit wouldn't be the last.

I inhaled and held it, hitting the back of my head against the wall as I scrolled through my contacts list. I exhaled and pressed the small green button with a shaking thumb.

It rang twice before I heard his voice and as soon as I did, I collapsed further to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably as the weight of what I had become crushed me to the ground.

"Hello? Hello? This is Carlisle Cullen, who's there?"

_You're killing everyone…I hate you…_

"It's...it's Edw-..."

"Edward!?" he exclaimed. "Edward, is that you?"

"Dad," I breathed, letting his voice wash over me.

"Jesus boy, where the hell are you, are you alright?"

"I...Dad..."

"Are you hurt, Edward? You sound like hell, where are you?"

I could hear shuffling in the background as he continued asking me questions, making sure that I was ok. After everything that I had put him and my family through he still cared.

James was right. I was a pathetic piece of shit.

"I...I need you...Dad."

I nuzzled the cool floor, trying to catch my breath.

"I'm here, I'm here. It's ok."

"Help me...please...I...can't breathe…I feel like I'm dying…"

"Shit. I'm coming, Edward, hold on. Just tell me where you are, Son."

"The apartment," I croaked. "I'm at the apartment where Alice came..." I choked on her name as it left my throat.

"Ok, stay where you are. I'll be there. I'm coming, Son. Hang on, ok?"

"Please," I begged, feeling my last bit of hold on my fucked up existence slip from my grasp. "I need you...I don't want to be _him_!"

I moaned in agony and hit my head against the floor in desperation.

"I'm sorry. Christ, I'm so fucking sorry, Dad...Alice. I hurt her, Dad, I said awful things...I'm so fucking...oh God..."

I gripped at my hair with my left hand.

"Edward, calm down. It's ok. I'm with Alice now and she's fine."

"I'm so sorry I hurt her," I gasped. "Tell her, please, tell her. I hurt everyone, Dad. I fucked up and I'm so sorry. I'm just so…scared."

I hit my head against the floor again, crushing my bleeding nose to the wood, making sure that the pain remained as a reminder of what I had done, what I had become.

"It's alright," he soothed. I heard a door slam in the background. "I'm coming to get you, ok? Do you hear me? Tell me you understand."

"I understand," I replied. "And I...I love you…" I sobbed. "All of you…so...so fucking much...I'm sorry, Dad..."

"We love _you_, Edward. We always have," he answered. "I'll be there."

"Thank you," I whispered, dropping my head to my chest. "Thank you."

I closed my phone slowly, dropping it to the ground and pulled my knees to my chest, into the foetal position.

Lying helpless on the cold wood floor I prayed. I prayed to anyone that would listen that wrapping my arms around myself would be enough to hold myself together, while I waited for my father to come and save me.

**Holy hell Batman!**

**I hope you understand the need for me to post this, just to show you all how far Edward went and how far he has come.**

**Next up – Edward's first look at Bella through that pesky two-way mirror!**

**Leave me love and I'll get it to ya faster!**

**TTFN x x x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow!**

**The reaction to the first outtake was incredible. Thank you so much!**

**As promised, you showed me love and I show you more Help Wanted.**

**Huge KUDOS to EccentricShadow who changed my play list for Help Wanted into an all singing all dancing affair on mixpod(dot)com. **

**The link is on my profile.**

**Ok, so let's see just what Edward was thinking as he peeked through that pesky two-way mirror…naughty boy!**

**~*~**

**Chapter playlist:- **_Closer – Kings of Leon__**, **__Shock of the Lightning – Oasis,____When love takes over – Kelly Rowland/David Guetta, Bring me to life – Evanescence, You do something to me – Paul Weller_

**Shock of the Lightning**

_**T**__**he following takes place over chapters 1 & 2**_

**EPOV**

The back of my head hurt.

The back of my head, really fucking hurt.

I sighed and smiled _again_ as the interviewer in front of me complimented me _again_ about my new film.

I flinched slightly, feeling the twinge at the base of my skull.

And then it hit me.

Holy shit! My head hurt from all the smiling I'd been doing.

And it wasn't even a genuine, _I-find-what-you're-saying-really-fucking-amusing _kind of smiling but_ if-I-don't get- the-fuck-out-of-here-I'll-kill-a-motherfucker_ kind of smiling.

In fact, thinking about it, even my damn teeth hurt.

_Jesus I need to get out of here._

I glanced down at my watch as surreptitiously as I could without offending Hannah…? Helen…? Hagrid…? Whatever her fucking name was as she continued to suck my ass.

My eyes widened when they saw the time.

Fuck! I'd been at the shit for four fucking hours.

I sighed and slumped down in my seat, dodging Jane's glower over the top of Han-, Hel-, _her_ head.

I'd get shit for looking bored, I knew, but dammit all to hell if I wasn't exactly that.

I hated press junkets.

Hated. Them.

They were tedious, dull and utterly mind numbing.

Now I, like most red blooded men in the world, enjoyed having my ass kissed and my ego boosted but Christ there _was_ a fucking limit. It wouldn't matter so much if I considered the words coming out of every interviewer's mouth as genuine or even slightly honest, but the fact was they weren't.

They were, like most of Hollywood, false and sycophantic and it bugged me to fucking shit.

I'd have given anything for some honest to God, no hold's bullshit. Just once I'd love for someone to walk up to me and tell me what an ass I was and how they hated my work and that they could see through the LA, Hollywood film star crap that I was surrounded by. Or even for them to act like they would _normally_ instead of being all, _Team_ _Cullen_ and shit.

Their falseness put me on edge. Hence the sore fucking teeth and head.

But alas, I had resigned myself to having a long fucking wait for that day.

Not that I wasn't grateful for my life and the job I did, far from it. I loved what I did, adored it in fact, but I just needed something different. I ached for something or someone to blow me off my feet and keep my smart ass mouth shut; other than my family…and Jane.

"And that's ten minutes," she chimed from her seat at the far side of the room with a wide smile.

I may have been relieved if it wasn't for the _laser-beam-death-glare_ that she shot me as I shook the interviewer's hand.

_Fuc__k…_

"Thanks," I mumbled as the interview crew and all of the other Cullen staff left the room.

I then braced myself.

"Edward."

_Shit, here it comes._

"Yes, Jane," I muttered into the rim of my glass of Coke Cola.

"You know I love you…"

I grinned at her and winked as charmingly as I could but her expression didn't change one little bit.

_Double fuck…_

"But you know that you have to do this stuff. It's part of the contract."

"I know but…"

"But nothing," she interrupted with her hands on her hips. "You have to do it and I don't care how bored…"

"Really bored," I said quickly.

"I don't care," she said through gritted teeth. "Edward, you've been doing this stuff for a long time and it's about time you started acting like the professional you're supposed to be." 

"But Jane…"

"No!" she snapped.

I blinked up at her trying like hell to give her my best Puss in Boots impression.

"Don't give me that look."

I smiled when I saw the corners of her mouth twitch.

"Sorry," I said softly.

"Mmhm," she replied, looking down at her clip board. "Now, I have to interview for your new PA."

I rolled my eyes.

"So, you have about an hour of freedom. So go, have a walk…whatever, but don't be too far away. I need you back here _prompt_ at one."

"Yes Ma'am," I answered with a salute. "_Prompt_."

"Smart ass," she muttered as she walked towards the door. "And Edward," I looked up at her. "Stay out of mischief."

I pointed at myself and mouthed '_me?_' in mock hurt.

She laughed, shook her head and left.

I slumped further into my chair and rubbed my face.

_Bored. Bored. Fucking bored_.

"What up bitch?"

I smiled as I looked up to see Emmett leaning against the side of the door.

"Fuck all, you?" I answered with a groan as I stretched my back against the back of my seat.

"Same," he answered as he wandered into the room and slammed himself into the interviewing chair.

"There's nothing to do around here," I moaned.

Admittedly, I sounded like a whiny bitch but there _really_ wasn't _anything_ to do and I had over an hour to kill.

"Where is everyone?" Emmett asked as he picked up a bottle of water from the table between us.

"God knows," I answered. "Alice is no doubt sitting watching Jazz like young love's fucking dream."

Emmett snorted and nodded.

My sister thought I was blind to the two of them throwing lovey-dovey glances at each other but no, I was wise to that shit. I wasn't entirely happy about it but, shit, whatever.

"And Jane just went to interview _my_ new PA."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah," I answered with a shrug.

I still wasn't completely convinced why I needed a damn PA anyway. I knew that Jane was spread a little thin in terms of running around for me and my father and the idea was, was to take some of the pressure off of her but hell, PA just suggested babysitter to me and I could damn well look after myself.

I wasn't utterly helpless for fuck's sake. 

"So who are they interviewing?" he asked as he flicked the leaf of a plant that was next to his chair.

"Damned if I know, man," I replied as I stood and walked to the mini fridge to get another Coke.

I needed the sugar to keep my ass awake.

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"What?" I echoed.

"She's interviewing _your_ PA and you haven't even _seen_ who this person is?"

"No." I shrugged indifferently as I unscrewed the bottle cap.

"Jesus, dude, what if it's some weirdo?"

I smiled and rolled my eyes at him.

"Seriously," he continued with a straight face, sitting forward. "What if it's some gay guy who wants your ass or worse…some ugly chick?" He whispered the last three words as if they were the secret to life itself.

"Fuck's sake, Emmett," I replied with a small laugh. "That's not really something to worry about! Plus with Jane interviewing; the person is sure to be good at what _he_ or _she_ does, gay, ugly or otherwise."

He chewed the inside of his cheek. "I don't know, dude. This is serious stuff. I mean, wouldn't you wanna have a sneaky look at who might be hired to cater to your ass for the foreseeable future?"

I paused in my sip of my drink and eyed him suspiciously.

"What do you know that I don't?"

He grinned so wide I worried for the back of _his_ head.

"Well," he started, sitting back nonchalantly. "It just so happens that I know which room they are interviewing in."

"So," I answered quickly.

He looked at me intently as though I was missing some major part of what he was telling me.

"And I also know that the room _next_ to that room has a two-way mirror."

He looked at his nails indifferently as I tried to understand what he had just said.

"Huh?" I snapped in frustration with my palms at my sides.

"For fuck's sake, Edward, we can go and spy on your new PA through a two-way mirror!"

I frowned and then smiled, "for real?" 

"For real," he answered with a smirk and a nod. He jumped up from his seat and slapped my arm, hard.

"Come on, dipshit. Follow me."

I threw my bottle of Coke onto my seat and followed him down the corridor towards the suite foyer where Heidi, Jane's newest office hand, was standing rifling through papers.

She smiled at me and bit down on the top of her pen as we passed.

"Hi Edward," she said in a soft _if-you-want-you-can-have-me-over-this-desk-right-now_ kind of voice.

I held back my eye roll and smiled tightly back.

She should know better.

I mean, yeah she was attractive in a fake, blonde, South Beach kind of way and I was all for having some fun but seriously, could she _be_ any more obvious.

That shit, no matter how long it had been since my last jump, just wasn't sexy.

Plus, she worked for my family and I wasn't the type of guy to bone an employee.

Fuck that.

That shit _always_ got fucking messy.

"Now, this endeavour stays between us, ok?" Emmett whispered when we reached the door to the room, looking over his shoulders like a damned secret agent.

"No shit, Sherlock," I answered. "Jane would kill my ass."

"K," he answered before opening the door and pushing me inside.

The room was dark except for the light that came through the mirror on the wall.

Holy shit, he wasn't kidding.

"Damn, Emmett…"

"SHHHH," he answered as he shut the door with wide eyes before pointing through towards the other room. "Keep quiet, man, jeez."

I held up my hands in apology and walked towards the mirror just in time to see a girl with long brown hair sit down in the chair opposite Jane and Alec.

"Well fuck," Emmett whispered at my side. "I think we can rule out gay guy and ugly with an ass like that."

"Amen," I muttered because damn if it wasn't a _spectacular_ fucking derriere and not only that, but it was being hugged by one scandalous fucking skirt.

I couldn't help but feel pissed that I hadn't caught a glimpse of her face.

If it was anything like her behind I would be one happy motherfucker.

I looked at the back of the girl's head, eyeing the long dark curls that drifted down her back. I had never been one for hair colour preference but I was suddenly stunned by the overwhelming urge I had to find out what it would feel like under my fingers.

What. The. Fuck?

I shifted from one foot to the other, feeling completely frustrated by the fact that what they were saying was muffled through the wall.

"Is there no volume control in here?" I whispered with a nudge into Emmett's shoulder.

He shook his head and shrugged.

"Hang on," he answered and put his ear to the mirror. "Yeah, man, you can hear better like this."

As ridiculous as my cousin looked, I couldn't help but copy his pose, pressing my ear against it.

Jesus it was the hole in the girl's locker room at school all over again.

I listened as the girl rhymed off what she knew about my career. Her voice wasn't completely clear but nonetheless I found myself liking it. She knew her shit and I found myself smiling at her knowledge. Jane and Alec were fairly relentless with their questioning but she managed to answer quickly and articulately which was as much as a surprise as it was nice to hear. She was obviously well educated and that was some sexy unexpected shit.

"Actually I have one more question," Jane said softly after Alec had started to dismiss who I now understood to be Miss Swan. I lifted my ear and looked though the mirror, meeting Jane's eyes head on.

_Shit…_

"Emmett," I whispered in panic. "Could they know that we're here?"

"I don't know. Why?"

"Because Jane just looked _right_ at me, I shit you not."

He looked at me with dread with no hint that he thought I was acting like a paranoid bastard.

"Fuck. Maybe we should go."

"One sec," I replied placing my ear back against the glass to hear Miss Swan tell Jane that she thought that whatever she had heard about my asshole tendencies would be, according to her, up to her judgement.

Rumours were rumours, she said.

I realised I was smiling again when she called me 'talented.'

"Dude, come on," Emmett breathed. "We need to go."

"Ok," I answered reluctantly, placing my hand on the glass, before turning back, with my cousin, towards the door.

We walked back towards the foyer, both of us feeling fairly confident that our covert operation had remained just that.

"I'll see ya later," Emmett said with a smile as he hurried off towards Pete, his number one security guy.

I nodded and pushed my hands into my pockets, finding myself utterly intrigued by Miss Swan with her fine ass and long brown hair. Her answers to Jane's questions had been complimentary and easy and although I knew that she had to say nice shit to look good, there was a part of me that felt that she wasn't just being a kiss ass and that she was being totally honest and that was so refreshing it was untrue.

I was disturbed out of my musing by a thump and a curse.

I whipped around quickly to see a certain Miss Swan on her hands and knees on the floor, hair over her face and ass in the air.

Fuck, what I wouldn't have given to have been behind her at that moment.

_Focus, Edward, fuck's sake…_

"Hey, you ok?" I asked as I hurried over to her.

"Yeah well, aside from being a complete dick who's incapable of walking over a flat surface without…"

I smirked at her language, loving her naturalness.

And then she looked up at me.

_Holy mother of fuck…_

She was…she was…my God, she was beautiful.

And I don't mean Hollywood false beautiful, I mean, classic, soft, naturally and breath_takingly_ beautiful.

_And Holy Jesus, I was harder than I had ever been__ in my entire life…_

My heart hammered hard and my breath seemed to struggle to leave my lungs.

I was stunned.

Utterly mute and tongue tied by the woman in front of me.

"Um...I mean…I'm…" she stuttered adorably with a look of complete mortification on her face as she tried to get up.

She wobbled and before I knew what I was doing I grabbed her elbow to help her while picking up her purse. I felt my eyebrow rise as I took in her whole face before watching her rub her palms down her skirt, wanting nothing more than to do it myself.

I pulled my hand away quickly when I realised I was still holding her.

_Fuck, Cullen, get a fucking grip, man, seriously_…

But Christ I'd never seen anyone so beautiful.

Ever.

"Thanks," she muttered while pushing her hair back.

And then for love of God if she didn't blush the most delicious pink I had ever seen.

I mean, fuck, songs could be written about that shit.

I looked at her from her feet to her hair and swallowed.

She was magnificent.

And fuck, if her nervousness didn't make her sexy as hell.

I realised with a quick blink that I was staring and that just _was not_ acceptable.

I mean, hell, I was Edward _fucking _Cullen and women didn't make me feel like that.

Ever.

What the hell was I, _seventeen_?

"No problem," I muttered nonchalantly as I handed her, her purse.

I smiled tightly and walked around her towards the room she had just come from, never looking back for fear that she would see right through me.

Just as I closed the door behind me I took one quick glance to see her disappear into the elevator, her ass still looking fucking incredible.

_Dayum…_

"I thought I told you to stay out of mischief, Master Cullen?"

I closed the door slowly and turned to see Jane and Alec looking at me as if they knew _exactly _what Emmett and I had been up to.

But there was no way that they would know that.

_Was there?_

"I don't know what you mean," I said with a shrug as I pushed my hands in my pockets.

"Mmhm," she answered as Alec chuckled at the side of her. "I assume you approve of Miss Swan?"

I thought for one split second to feign ignorance but, knowing Jane, that shit just wouldn't fly

"She seems…ok," I answered as I took a step into the room.

_Smooth, Cullen, you're an actor remember…?_

"Yes" she retorted. "She was…ok." A smirk graced her entire face. "I'll be calling her for a second interview."

"Really?" I asked quickly, wanting to bite the end of my fucking tongue off. "I mean, she was that good, huh?"

Jane looked up at me with a knowing stare. "Yes. She was…ok."

I dropped my chin with my eyes still on her. She was mocking me.

Well, bullshit to that.

"Whatever," I muttered. "But you know, I've been thinking about this, Jane."

"Mmhm."

"And I seriously think that I should be in on the next interview."

"What?"

_What?_

"I, um…"

_What the hell, Cullen?_

I struggled for my words and ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

"Come on, Jane," I said finally, feeling my calm, no shit demeanour rise through my body. "This is _my_ PA. Shouldn't I _at least_ have a chance to meet whoever its going to be?"

She frowned at me and crossed her arms over her chest. She was so onto me it was almost funny.

_Almost._

_Calm…_

"I would just like a chance to ask a couple of questions, that's all," I offered with a one shoulder shrug. "I don't think that's a lot to ask, do you?"

"Edward," Jane replied with a sigh. "Even your father doesn't ask to sit in on interviews."

"So," I muttered. "Christ I'm not my father. And I'd like the opportunity to meet _my_ prospective PA."

She stared at me and I sure as shit stared, right back.

"Ok," she said finally. "If that's what you want." 

"It is," I replied before clearing my throat, but even as I said the words I didn't understand them.

Why the hell did I want this?

I had no clue, but somewhere deep inside I knew that it just…felt right.

Jane sighed and licked her lips. "Fine," she answered. "I'll be calling her back Monday."

"Fine," I replied, still not knowing why I wanted this so badly.

Miss Swan was definitely attractive, my cock would vouch for that shit, but it seemed like my need to do this ran deeper than that and it unnerved me. I couldn't deny that I wanted a closer look at her. I wanted to find out things about her, to find out what she liked, loved and hated and if that meant me sitting in on her next interview, so be it.

I just couldn't figure why it bothered me so much. And _that_ bothered the hell out of me.

"Monday, 11am," Jane said as she walked past me towards the door I had slinked through.

"Yeah" I murmured as I rubbed my chin.

"Show time, Edward," Alec said with a smile and a nod towards the corridor.

I sighed and patted my ribs in agitation.

"Fine, let's get this shit over with."

~*~

"So, tell me again why you're sitting in on this interview," Alice said with a small smile as she shovelled another spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

_Because, I've thought of nothing but this girl for a week and its driving me near fucking distraction._

"Just because," I answered petulantly as I poured a cup of coffee from the hotel's complimentary breakfast buffet. "I'm going to be working alongside her…well, whoever and I'd like to ask some of my own questions."

I glanced at my sister as nonchalantly as I could to see her grinning like a fucking idiot.

"Yuh, uh," she replied with a slow nod. "And you're sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Emmett says she had an ass that just ached to be slapped."

"He said what!?" I cried, nearly spraying my coffee all over her.

"Yep," she answered. "He was quite vivid in his description. Peachy I think the word was that he used."

"Dickhead," I muttered into my cup, feeling strangely annoyed by his words.

Not that he was wrong however because shit, peachy was the _perfect_ word to describe Miss Swan's ass.

That and maybe biteable.

_Fuck…_

I seriously needed to have a long talk with my dick about appropriate places to get hard.

Talking with my sister, no matter _what_ the topic, _was not_ one of them!

I rubbed my face in exasperation.

"Well, whatever your deal is," she mumbled as she placed her empty bowl back on the table with a questioning eyebrow twitch. "I need to go and speak to Jane before she gets too busy." 

And with that she left me and my overly enthusiastic cock to calm the fuck down.

I knew Jane had said that I needed to be at the interview for eleven but I didn't want to look like an overeager motherfucker. So, at five after, I sauntered down towards the same room I had been in seven days before, feeling the beat of my heart quicken and the palms of my hands get _really_ sweaty.

Why was I so damned nervous?

I reached the door, took a deep breath and pushed it open. Miss Swan was sitting on a large three-seated sofa with her back to me which, I was more than a little relieved about. Jane glowered at me in her usual way that would, to anyone else, look like a pleasant smile. Before she could say anything I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and muttered a soft 'sorry' in her ear.

I didn't look at Miss Swan while I quickly took my seat next to Jane.

"Mr. Cullen has joined us just so he can ask you a couple of questions of his own, as it would be him, if you got the position that you would be in contact with the majority of the time." Jane smiled at me and then back to Miss Swan who I finally allowed myself to look at.

_Sweet Jesus_…this woman was trying to kill me.

She was wearing black pinstripe trousers that, both I and my cock immediately noticed, hugged her ass fucking perfectly. She was wearing them with a waistcoat to match and a blue shirt that made her skin look like whipped cream.

Once again I was rendered speechless. She smiled at me but I was too dazzled to even return it. Instead, I started playing with an invisible hem on my shirt, cursing myself for being such a fucking moron.

What _was_ it about this woman?

I looked up at her again quickly, unable to keep my eyes from her and immediately wished I hadn't. She was blushing the same gorgeous pink that she had the day I had helped her off of the floor. Mixed with the blue of her shirt, she looked even more spectacular.

My cock twitched in agreement.

I cleared my throat awkwardly and shifted in my seat.

This was getting fucking ridiculous. I had to remain professional.

I couldn't let her see what effect she had on me. If I was going to be her boss and have her working under…_no, Cullen_…_for_ me I had to maintain control. I had to take charge of the situation.

Edward Cullen _did not_ get tongue tied over women.

Ever.

No matter how peachy their asses were.

"So," I began after taking a deep breath. "In the PA jobs that you've had before, what were the hours like?"

I looked at her briefly before looking back at my shirt. I tried to keep my voice as clear and strong as possible but it was pretty fucking difficult when I noticed that she was blushing even harder.

"The hours were fairly long," she responded, glancing quickly at Jane then back to me.

"For instance," I replied curtly, waving my hand around in an impatient manner.

It suddenly occurred to me that I was going to have to behave like an asshole with Miss Swan to remain focused on my job and not her hair, blush, ass and face. I certainly didn't look forward to the prospect of behaving that way but this woman had far too much power over my mind and body for me to act anywhere near normal.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to even hire her…

My stomach twisted uneasily.

"Oh…um…well, it wasn't unusual for me to start at say 6:30 in the morning and not get home till gone 10pm, she answered, smiling nervously. I nodded slowly not saying anything, still focused on my damned shirt.

"So, not much of a social life then," I retorted, feeling Jane's glare against the side of my face.

Where the fuck had that come from?

She still hadn't answered me as I looked back at her. She looked embarrassed and mad as hell. That was a good thing. I was gaining power over the situation and admittedly the fury in her eyes made her look sexy as fuck.

"No time for friends or boyfriends, things like that?" I asked quickly and this time I kept my eyes on hers, holding back my smirk as the fury turned to all out rage.

Oh, I'd hit a nerve.

Shit, did that mean she did have a boyfriend? Now that shit, _I hadn't_ anticipated.

Not that it mattered because hell, why would her having a boyfriend affect me?

She stared right back at me, pissed and beautiful.

"No I suppose not," she snapped.

I dropped my head feeling an unexpected wave of relief wash over me. I smiled at her curtness. She really wasn't afraid of me one little bit.

Fuck, this could be a serious problem.

"But," she continued in a sharp tone. "I've always found that the people that matter are the ones that don't mind your absences and cherish the brief times you have together even more."

And then she fucking huffed.

Huffed.

At. Me.

My head snapped up, her eyes burning into mine. She never flinched, not backing down one little bit.

I felt my heart slam in my chest, my lungs squeeze and my cock strain against my jeans. She was glorious in her anger and determination and in truth I wanted nothing more than to throw her over the back of the sofa she was sitting on and fuck the living daylights out of her.

Who the _hell_ did this woman think she was?

She had wandered into my perfectly peaceful life with her sexy ass and her long hair - that I imagined smelled of strawberries - and had turned my head inside out for seven fucking days and then had the audacity to huff at me?

Oh, no. That was bullshit.

I had to get as far away from this woman as humanely possible before I either screamed in her face or made her scream my name as I slammed into her.

And fuck, I wanted her to.

Badly.

_What the hell is happening to me?_

"It's all yours, Jane," I croaked before getting up and stalking to the exit without a glance or a word in Miss Swan's direction.

I slammed the door behind me and gripped at my hair, as I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Fuck, fuck, FUCK!" I groaned as I dropped into the nearest chair, rubbing my face hard enough to rip the skin from my bones.

At that point it probably would have been the best solution to getting rid of my thoughts of Miss Swan because that's exactly where she was…under my skin. I had never felt so much or had such an emotional or physical reaction to another person in my entire life.

She had knocked me off my feet and stood up to me and it excited me and left me fuming in equal measure.

I was feeling so much.

And it was fucking terrifying.

"What the fuck was that?"

I grimaced as Jane's voice exploded around the room.

"I have no idea," I muttered into my palms. "No fucking clue."

It was the truth.

I had walked into that room with the intention of wanting to learn more about the elusive Miss Swan and all I had managed to do was piss her off and ascertain that she was single.

Not that, that shit was completely useless information.

"I thought she was going to charge across the room and slap you," Jane continued with a hint of amusement in her voice. "And I wouldn't have blamed her one little bit."

I couldn't help but smile slightly at the thought of Miss Swan slapping me in anger.

Christ I bet she'd look incredible.

_Cullen, stop…!_

"You can't hire her," I said quickly with a shake of my head, "no fucking way. Not after that. Forget it."

But even as the words left my mouth I knew that I didn't mean them and that actually it made me feel kind of…anxious, to think that I wouldn't see Miss Swan again.

"Why?"

"Why?" I echoed.

Jane nodded, "Yes, Edward, _why?"_

"What do you mean, why? Well, didn't you see how she…" I pointed towards the door we had both just come through.

"She's…" _beautiful _"I can't…" _think about anything else_ "I don't…." _think I_ _have the strength to stay away from her_

"No, it's not happening," I said firmly. "She huffed at me, Jane. How unprofessional is that?"

_Yep, great reason, Cullen, top notch. Ten points to you…_

She rolled her eyes at me, "about as unprofessional as you asking about her love life."

_Touché, Miss Aro… _

"With no real reason, Edward, I'm going to hire her," she spat with a firm expression. "Isabella's damn good at what she does and she sure as hell can stand up to you and your kiddie, play ground bullshit."

_I know_, I thought, _that's the fucking problem._

There was no way that I could be in control of any situation with this woman without being a fucking asshole and I didn't know if I had it in me to…_wait_…Isabella…?

"Isabella?" I asked quietly.

"Yes Isabella. That's her name, Edward. Why, does that seem _unprofessional_ to you too?"

"No!" I snapped back. "It's just unusual that's all."

In fact it wasn't unusual in the slightest.

It fit her perfectly.

The beautiful one. The beautiful swan.

"Well, if we are done here, I need to talk to your father and then I'm going to call Miss Swan and tell her that the job is hers. That is if she'll still want it after your little episode in there. Honestly, Edward, what were you thinking?"

I opened my mouth to protest but the words just wouldn't come. I was suddenly struck by an uncomfortable thought. What if she didn't want the job after all?

A slither of what felt like panic teased at my neck.

No, I argued silently with myself, that's what you want, Cullen, remember? Stay away from her. Be the asshole.

"She thoroughly aced the competition," Jane continued, "and shut you the hell up so it's a done deal as far as I'm concerned."

She started making her way to the door.

"Jane, I…"

She stopped in her tracks and turned back to me.

"I…"

She raised her eyebrows at me in waiting but I had nothing.

"Forget it," I said finally with a resigned sigh and waved her off with my hand.

She looked like she was going to say something but thought better of it, leaving me on my own with my fucked up head in my hands, wondering how the hell I was going to cope working with Isabella Swan.

My beautiful new PA.

**Holy bless his cotton socks, Batman!**

**I hope this gives you a little insight into why Edward behaved the way he did initially.**

**Leave me love and I'll get the next one to you faster which will be…drum roll please…EPOV of CHAPTER 19! **

**TTFN xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey ladies (and gents??)**

**Thank you so much for the love for the last chapter – I'm so glad you liked the little insight into Edward's pervy brain. It seemed to surprise people how much Bella owned his ass from the get-go! Haha**

**With pervy brains in mind this is Chapter 19 (the pool scene) from Edward's POV. Some of this crosses over with Chapter 20 too because it was difficult to keep it so confined to the one chapter - so apologies for any repetition.**

**Expect dirty language and graphic detail. Edward has a potty mouth!**

**Chapter 19**

"_Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead." ~ __**Joss Whedon**_

**EPOV**

Twenty-seven.

Well, maybe twenty-seven and a half.

That's how many freckles Isabella Swan had on her nose.

Isabella Swan, the woman who was lying at my side, whimpering and breathing softly as she slept.

Isabella Swan, the woman who had asked me to stay with her so that she could fall asleep.

Isabella Swan, the woman who was so beautiful it made my chest ache.

Isabella Swan, the woman who had my heart.

And didn't even know it.

I shifted my cheek against my pillow gently, moving so that my face was closer to hers. What I wouldn't have given to be able to kiss her at that moment. To simply place my lips against hers and show her how much I loved her...wanted her...needed her.

Fuck, I needed her so badly.

I had slept sporadically through the night, not able to relax with the amount of adrenaline that was still coursing through my veins. I needed her to calm me and I knew nothing would calm me like her touch. I felt it as I held her when she threw herself into my arms after I had kicked the shit out of James.

I felt her warmth, her vulnerability and as well as calm, it brought the protective motherfucker in me right to the surface. I had carried her to her bed, wanting nothing more than a solid connection to her, knowing it was that alone, that was keeping me from getting my ass back in my car and hunting James _fucking_ Laurent down to finished what I started.

Never, in all my life had I felt so much hatred and anger for one person as I did when I realised what he was doing to Bella.

Never, had I wanted so much, to rip someone's head from their shoulders and show it off as a warning to every fucker who would ever pose a threat to the woman at my side.

Never had I wanted to protect someone as much as I wanted to protect Bella.

I honestly believed that I would happily give my life for her, if it meant that she was safe.

But she hadn't been safe.

He had hurt her. He had scared her and I had done nothing to prevent it.

Yes, I had pulled the cunt off of her when I found them, but by then the damage had already been done. My stomach continued to twist in on itself every time I allowed myself to think about what would have happened had I been any later.

What if I hadn't searched for her for nearly ten fucking minutes?

I swallowed as the feeling of complete rage that had overwhelmed me when I had seen what he was doing to her began twisting once again in my chest. He was a lucky fuck that was for sure.

If Emmett hadn't been there to drag me off of him, there would damn sure be one less asshole in the world.

I tried to calm myself by letting my gaze wander slowly back down Bella's face as she blew a long breath out of her soft mouth. She was so peaceful, so stunning and looked so much like she belonged to sleep at my side for the rest of days that, if I was able, I'd have demanded her to sleep next to me as part of her fucking PA contract.

Christ she was beautiful.

But she always had been to me.

From the first moment I had laid my eyes on her face, I knew I was lost. From her long dark hair to her narrow chin and all the perfection in between, she owned me completely and I would do anything to keep her by my side and away from harm.

I flinched when I remembered the expression of utter fear and terror on her face when I had looked to her from James.

It had crushed my heart.

_It had reminded me so damn much of my moth-..._

I squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to block that shit out.

The guilt and blame game wouldn't help any fucker at this point.

Least of all me.

She was here, with me. Safe. And that's all that mattered.

"Edward."

I smiled gently and re-opened my eyes slowly as I heard my name whisper across her lips.

This had happened a few times during the night. At first she had said it with a slight quiver in a voice almost like she was pleading for me to do something. It had irritated me to hell that I had no clue what she needed and had stopped myself each time the desire to wake her and ask her had flown around my body. Her voice had then changed to a sigh of relief as though she had found what she wanted and then had come the warm, silky versions of my name, soft, sensual and laced with, what I hoped to God, was desire.

I'd be a lying fuck if I said that those ones weren't my favourite.

She started stirring more, her small nose crinkled and her brow furrowed as she began to waken. She opened her eyes slowly and then blinked with surprise as she stared at me.

_Did she really think that I wouldn't have stayed with her for the whole night?_

I waited for her to regain her equilibrium, searching her face for any signs of discomfort. If she was feeling any, she hid it well.

"Morning," she croaked with a small smile, as a light pink coloured her cheeks.

"Morning," I replied, smiling back. "How are you?"

When her eyes left mine I was immediately incensed. They were the only door I had into seeing even a part of what she was feeling and it unnerved me when she took that opportunity from me.

"Bella," I muttered, trying to keep my temper. "Look at me."

I wasn't mad at her, of course. I was mad at the situation.

I was fucking seething with James and what he had done to her. I was livid at myself for being an asshole and not being there and I was desperate with frustration that I couldn't tell her enough how sorry I was for the whole night or show how much I wanted and loved her.

It was a fucked up situation and my patience was at an all time low.

Her eyes met mine slowly. "How are you?" I repeated gently. Her pupils were large and filled with anxiety and it killed me to think that I was anything to do with that.

"My head hurts," she answered quietly, still dodging my gaze.

I sighed and clenched my jaw and my fist that was under my pillow.

_If I ever saw James Laurent again..._

"Where?" I asked quickly.

For one second I felt a wave of relief wash over me. I had no idea just what he had done to her and how far he had gotten with her. Alice had told me that she didn't suspect that he had touched her..._there_...but that didn't stop my rage from bubbling under my skin at the thought.

"Here," she answered as she placed her palm on the back of her head. "Oh," Bella said in surprise, bringing me and my temper back to Earth.

I leaned up over her and replaced her hand with mine, feeling a lump the size of a fucking golf ball under the skin.

"Jesus," I hissed, as I touched her gently. "Does it hurt a lot?" I stared at her hard, knowing that if she lied to me I would see it straight away. Her face was an open book.

"It's bearable," she answered lamely.

I didn't even try to hide my fucking eye roll at her attempts at playing her injuries down. There she was, brave Bella, the tiger in kitten's clothing; so selfless and concerned with everyone else around her that she had no sense of her own safety or wellbeing.

It was one of the things I loved most about her but in this case she could just fucking forget it.

"Bella, you need to get that looked at," I said firmly.

I bit my tongue as she shook her head in response.

"Why not?" I asked incredulously.

_Did she not realize that she could be seriously hurt with latent concussion or internal bleeding or some shit?_

She went on to tell me how she had had so many injuries in her life that she knew the difference between really bad ones and not so bad ones. She believed that the gargantuan growth on her head was a not so bad one. I had to disagree but managed to keep my mouth the fuck shut for once.

I sighed in exasperation instead.

"Can I get you some pain killers at least?" I offered, pleading with my eyes for her to say yes.

Amazingly, she nodded. "Painkillers would be great."

I smiled in appeasement and lifted slowly from the bed. "I'll be back."

I ran down the stairs quickly, not wanting to be away from her for longer than was absolutely necessary. I glanced at my hand as I descended and flexed my fingers over and over. It was definitely swollen but nothing that a bag of ice wouldn't fix. I'd had enough bruised knuckles to know the difference between a broken bone and a good bruising thank you very much. I was just pissed that there weren't remnants of James's punk ass face smeared across them.

My past with James was complicated to say the very fucking least and I knew that, potentially, my history with him could cause some serious problems for me or Bella. He was a vindictive, bitter motherfucker and he would have to be handled very carefully.

I grabbed for the Tylenol and a huge glass of water before throwing myself back up the stairs. I didn't knock and simply walked back into the room and cursed myself inwardly for my lack of thought. Bella was sitting in the bed, hair dishevelled and face drawn with fatigue. I handed her the water and pills and watched as she threw them in her mouth.

My eyes couldn't help but travel down her body that was now on display but as soon as they reached her chest and waist I wished I wasn't such a pervy bastard. All across her dress were black smear marks where pieces of the fabric had snagged and pulled as _he_ had climbed over her and pressed her against the bench. I was sure that I could even make out a cigarette burn by her thigh.

The fucker had gotten so close to her.

I sucked in a shaky breath, dropped my head and tried to gasp the murderous thoughts out of my body.

"Please don't be angry," Bella said softly. "I'm fine, really. It's all just superficial."

I couldn't look at her and instead I kept my eyes on the floor, calculating all the ways in which I could kill James with my bare hands. I was silent for a few moments before I lifted my head back to her. She looked so lost and so small sitting on the double bed. I at once wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her it was ok but I knew that I couldn't.

Instead I cleared my throat, trying to dislodge the huge ball of all I wanted to say and do to her that was blocking my airway.

"I'm gonna make some breakfast."

I don't know where that came from because, the truth was, I wasn't even hungry but I knew that I had to keep myself busy before I did something really fucking stupid. I looked at her and tried to push down the anger that was flowing through me.

"Eggs ok?"

"Eggs would be fine," she replied. "I'm gonna take a shower, if that's alright?"

I smiled at her apparent nervousness, "of course its ok, Bella. Take your time."

I turned from her slowly and set off back to the kitchen.

While I was making Bella her breakfast I turned my cell back on, utterly unsurprised by the amount of text messages that came through as I did. Alice, my mom and dad, Emmett and Jazz had all left messages asking if Bella was ok. I doubted very much whether Bella knew what an effect she had had on everyone that she had met. My family really cared for her, Alice especially.

I pushed my phone back in my pocket and promised that I would call everyone as soon as I could.

I made eggs, sunny side up and toast with coffee, having no clue whether that was the right thing to make. As I buttered her toast I suddenly felt my stomach snarl and placed another piece of bread in the toaster. I was eating that very piece, leaning against the sink when Bella appeared down the stairs. Her hair was still damp and in a loose twist.

She was so naturally gorgeous with no make-up and no sequins or sparkles to make her glorious. Her jeans were comfy and her awesome t-shirt was _Guns and Roses _which made me smile.

She was lovely, sexy, Bella.

She just..._was_.

"Wow, this looks great," she grinned widely as I placed her breakfast in front of her.

"Yeah, well don't get too excited," I warned her. "I haven't cooked eggs like that since I was in college."

"I didn't know you went to college," she replied in surprise. "What did you study?"

_Coke and fucking..._

I averted my eyes from her and put my cup of coffee into the sink.

"Um...music," I answered quickly. I turned and made my way towards the stairs. "I'm gonna get cleaned up. You ok?"

She seemed surprised by my abruptness but it was for her own good that she knew as little about me as humanely possible.

"Yeah, thanks. I could get used to this." She gestured to her plate and watched as the yolk ran from her egg. "Top marks, Mr. Cullen."

I laughed gently and set off up the stairs. I made my way into my bedroom and leaned my forehead against the door after I had closed it.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," I muttered to myself.

She would never understand what I was feeling.

How could she when I barely did myself?

My need for her seemed to grow exponentially every time we shared moments like that one. Eggs and coffee made her smile so wide that, had she asked, I would have made them for her every day for the rest of her life. I would do anything for her because she was everything to me and I was still struggling to understand just how she could have such power over me when I had known her for such a short time.

And it wasn't just the aroused side of me that was becoming ridiculous although I was becoming quite amazed at how hard a cock could actually get with no physical stimulation. It was the emotional side too. I loved her laugh and the small snort she made when something really amused her. I loved the way she fiddled with the one piece of hair that would never stay up no matter how she wore her hair and sweet Jesus the way she bit her lip when she was nervous just made my entire body burn.

What we had shared in her bed the previous night, even though we had barely touched, was one of the most erotic nights of my life. The intimacy of having her so close but not being able to be with her the way that I wanted was the sweetest torture ever. I wasn't even thinking about my cock, even though I would have loved to have buried myself deep inside her. I was thinking about stroking her hair and her face. Massaging away her frown and soothing her sore skin with my kisses. I wanted to use my body to make her feel better, to make her smile and forget what that asshole had done to her.

But again, I couldn't.

I lifted my head from the wood with a sigh, pulled my shirt over my head, before kicking off my pants, socks and underwear and lifting myself heavily into the shower. The water was fucking amazing and I stood for a long ass time as it pummelled my face and back. I felt my body start to relax slowly and breathed a sigh of relief as my muscles became softer.

I winced and hissed however when I rubbed my soapy hand over my forearm. I looked down to see two large bruises and some smaller scratches that I immediately remembered had come from James as he had grabbed at me from his place at my feet.

That son of a bitch had fucking marked me!

Now, I was pissed.

I scrubbed at them with my hand but ironically enough, they stayed there just like my past with James would always be there; like a scar that ran through me, sore and weak. Not that I was anything like the selfish motherfucker that I had been when James and I lived together but fuck, some of the shit we used to get up to was fairly fucking disgusting.

One particular incident in particular, crept stealthily into my conscience.

I swallowed hard when a realisation hit me.

I had to tell Bella.

_No!_ My pussy side retorted. _She'll leave your ass, Cullen. She'll see you for what you truly are. Fucked up. A mess. A weak, pathetic, piece of shit and she'll run so far and so fast from you you'll never see her again._

I leaned my palms against the tiled walls and groaned in frustration.

I wanted so much to open up to her, to be honest and lay all my shit at her feet. I wanted to offer everything I had to her and take anything she would give in return but I was so fucking scared that she would bolt.

I could just see myself grabbing at her ankles, face down on the floor, as she tried to get out the door, pleading and begging for her to stay.

I rubbed my face and exhaled. I had to tell her there was no way around it. If James talked it would hurt a lot more than if I just came out and told her about my shitty past myself. I slammed my hand against the shower button and grabbed for my towel as the water stopped.

"Fuck," I muttered to myself as I stared at my reflection.

I ran my hands through my wet hair and glared at myself. I seriously thought that I had changed but I _really_ hadn't.

I was still weak, still afraid and still frustrated by both.

"Get it together you pussy," I growled as I stormed back into my room and got dressed.

I had to tell her the truth about my past and let the chips fall where they may. I could only hope that she would see that I was different, that I was still paying for my mistakes, that I lived everyday to try and make it up to my family and the other people that I had hurt so long ago.

She would see that. She fucking _had_ to. I couldn't bear to think about losing her.

Once dressed, I made my way back down the stairs to see Bella standing in the kitchen. She said something about our clothes matching, which I hadn't even realised as I had dressed in my angry state. I smiled and leaned casually against the back of the sofa and just looked at her and she looked right back.

And there it was…the _thing_.

The energy. The buzz.

She had to feel it. She had to feel what was between us. Christ I could almost see the electricity that seemed to flow around us when we were alone together. Our eyes fixed and I could taste the words on my own tongue.

"_Do you feel it, Bella?"_

Before I could ask her she moved towards me, noticing the marks on my arms. _Fuck!_

I tried to cross them across my chest but it was too late. "Edward, please."

How could I resist her?

I held out my arm and stared in absolute awe as she traced the scratches with the tips of her fingers. My eyes rolled back in my head as the sensation of her skin against mine shot through my body like a lightning strike. I licked my lips quickly as I looked down at her and the small pout that had formed on her mouth as she skimmed her hand across my skin. She stepped back from me suddenly as I saw the realisation of where they had come from sweep across her face.

"Bella," I whispered. "It's superficial." I smiled gently trying to comfort her but the tears came regardless, each tear fracturing my heart more and more.

Before I could stop myself and think of the consequences, I grabbed her right shoulder gently and pulled her to me. I sighed in relief when I felt her give in to me. She placed her palms at my sides and her forehead against my chest and cried. I let my palm skim across her hair as I wrapped my arms around her and dipped my nose slightly, breathing in her strawberry, vanilla deliciousness.

Nothing smelled as good as Bella.

She felt so perfect in my arms, like she had always belonged there and I could have put $1000 on the fact that she could feel my heart hammering against my ribs as she nuzzled me. The only thing that stopped me from lifting her chin and kissing her senseless was the fact that my cell suddenly started ringing in my pocket.

"Shit. I'm sorry," I apologised as she pulled away from me. I looked down at the caller ID and exhaled before I flipped it open.

"Hey Dad," I answered.

"Edward, how are you? How's Bella?" His voice was soft but concerned.

"Yeah she's…" I looked over to her and she blushed beautifully. Hr eyes were even darker from the tears that she had cried and she had wrapped her arms around her chest in an effort to no doubt keep herself together. I wished to hell it was me doing it for her.

"She's fine," I finished.

He continued by telling me that the police had been contacted about what James had done. This infuriated me and pleased me in equal measure. James's lawyer was a slimy fucker and he knew all about mine and his past and would use it against me. The only way around it was to get Benjamin our family lawyer involved. He was an incredible attorney and would fight fire with fire. My father promised that he would call him the moment he finished with me and I allowed myself to take some small comfort from his words.

"You need to talk to Bella, Son," Dad said softly. "She needs to know about you and James. If this all comes out…"

"Yeah," I stopped him. "I know."

Of course I knew. I had been warring with myself about nothing else since I had found the fucker on top of her.

"I'll talk to her." I glanced at Bella quickly but couldn't hold her gaze. It hurt too much when I thought about her reaction.

Christ what if she left?

I ended my conversation with my father, not really listening to anything but the two voices that were battling in the front of my brain.

_Tell her. Don't tell her. Tell her. Don't tell her…_

I gripped my hair in my hands as I threw them across my head and blew a huge breath though my cheeks.

I turned back to Bella and held up my phone to her. "My Dad," I smiled.

"I gathered," she answered with a returning smile.

"He's…um…been talking to the police."

"Why?"

I was surprised to see her face was in complete shock.

I looked at her as if she had just landed from outer fucking space. Was she kidding me with this bullshit?

"What do you mean why?" I asked louder than I should have. "The fucking shit head assaulted you, Bella, he should be strung up by his fucking balls and left to rot."

My voice was louder still when I got to the end of my rant and my chest hurt from the huge breaths I was taking. I was still so fucking angry.

How could she not see that James deserved nothing more than being arrested for assault?

He had hurt her physically and threatened her in the worse possible way any woman could be. I was serious about the ball stringing. Fuck, I'd do it myself if they asked.

I noticed in my periphery that she had moved towards me and held my breath as I watched her hand slip into mine. My heart stuttered in panic and then in utter elation as I squeezed her small palm; entwining my fingers through hers. The contact helped almost immediately. The calm washed over my body in large waves from my hand, across my chest, down further until every part of me felt more peaceful. My breathing slowed but was still shallow with all the emotions that were shooting through me.

I looked up from our joined hands into her large, trusting eyes that held so many secrets and knew instantly what I had to do.

"Come with me," I whispered.

I led her towards the French doors and over towards the lounger that had become such an iconic monument of our relationship. _Our first kiss._ I swallowed at the memory. _No_, it was a lie. I had used the script to kiss her.

It didn't count. I hadn't given her a choice.

I was determined that if we ever _did_ have a real first kiss, I would make sure that she would never want a kiss from anyone else ever again.

We sat down silently. I absentmindedly ran the pad of my thumb over the back of her hand, wanting to take as much comfort from her as I could before she ran out the door for good, screaming from me as she went.

"Bella," I breathed before clearing my throat. "There are things about me…that only a few, very close and trusted, people know about."

I kept my eyes down on the knee of my jeans. I couldn't look at her. I knew if I looked at her for too long then my courage would fuck off and leave me stranded with no way of ever telling her what she deserved to know. Whether she felt it or not our relationship had changed over the previous twelve hours and if it was to change any more we had to be honest with each other. As scared as I was I _had _to be honest.

"And…I'm afraid," I admitted. "I'm afraid that if I tell you about them." I exhaled loudly and clenched my teeth at the next words I knew I had to say. I allowed myself to look at her then and she once again took my breath away.

_She'll leave, she'll leave, she'll leave…forever…_

I felt her squeeze my hand and my courage grew. Regardless if she left me later, she was here now. Now was our time and I would value it as much as I could.

"Bella," I continued. "I'm afraid that if I tell you about them you won't…you won't want to be around me anymore." I dropped my head slightly and let out a small groan.

"Man," I chuckled sarcastically, "someone, pass me a fucking script!" She laughed and the sound was music to my ears. "I usually have my lines written for me and memorized."

"You're doing fine." She smiled and I smiled back at her encouragement. "But, Edward, don't tell me things you think I have to hear. Only tell me what you want." She paused, "if anything at all."

I exhaled hard in relief letting her words sink into my consciousness. There was no pressure.

"I trust you, Edward. Remember that."

My eyes snapped to hers and I couldn't help but smile at her. This wonderful, beautiful creature who, had come into my life and made me realize what I was missing, love, desire and raw passion. I lifted our hands to my mouth and kissed her knuckle softly wanting nothing more than to do to same to her lips.

"I know you do, Bella," I sighed. "And I want you to keep trusting me, which is why I want to tell you about." I paused and breathed in deeply, "everything."

So I did.

I told her everything.

I told her about my life with James or what life I had when I was with James I told her about the drugs, the fucking, the partying and the night my life changed forever. I described the night that a young girl named Jennifer had OD'd and gone into cardiac arrest on my sitting room floor. How it was the most horrendous, fucked up thing I had ever witnessed. How I was to blame because I had told her to take the coke that she had, dared her almost until she was so fucked, her heart didn't work anymore. I told her I was a monster but that I was trying every day to make up for everything that I had done to Jennifer and my own family.

And then I sat and waited for the blowback for the screams and shouts of utter disgust.

But they never came.

"Edward, you're not a monster," she whispered after what felt like an age. "You're a person who's made mistakes and has paid for them and continues to pay for them every day. I know it was hard for you to tell me about that and I'm grateful you did but…I'm afraid..."

My heart dropped to my feet. That was it. She was leaving me.

"I'm afraid." She sighed. "You don't get rid of me that easily." And then she smiled at me.

"What?" I coughed in shock. "You mean it doesn't matter to you what I did?"

"Edward, I can't say that I'm not shocked and that you didn't act like a complete idiot. But it was a long time ago and I know you're sorry and that you're a different and better person now."

I was pretty damn sure at that exact moment my heart grew about three sizes bigger with my love for her. She understood. I had no fucking idea why or how but she did and she was still sitting in front of me as beautiful as I'd ever seen. She was incredible to not judge me or have some opinion about it one way or another. But she didn't. She saw me for me and who is was now and I couldn't have been more relieved or happy.

"I'm sorry I left," she muttered. "If I hadn't then…"

I stopped her immediately with a hand on her shoulder. The skin of my palm seemed to crackle with the contact.

"Bella, don't you dare take any of this shit on yourself. James was a complete fucking prick and if I ever see him again…" I breathed deeply trying to keep my fury inside. "I don't blame you either for you walking away from what Tanya said. She's a narrow-minded, arrogant bitch who sees nothing past the end of her own perfectly fake nose and the only thing that stopped me from ramming her head into my champagne glass was the fact that it was fucking expensive champagne."

I smiled and she chuckled gently.

"Please, Bella," I continued seriously. "What she said was wrong, cruel and completely fucking untrue and I'm sorry." I clenched my hand on her shoulder hoping she would feel the truth as well as hear them.

"Why are you sorry? You didn't say it."

"I'm sorry for a lot of things, Bella," I answered sitting back from her.

_I'm sorry for loving you and not being good enough, baby…_

"But mostly I'm sorry for breaking my promise," I continued. "I said I wouldn't leave you alone and that I'd protect you from fucks like James and Tanya and I failed at both. I'm sorry." I looked down from her in shame and regret and twisted my hands together.

My breath caught in my throat when I felt her fingers under my chin, lifting my face up to hers.

"Don't be," she whispered. "You're my hero after last night." She grinned. "And you stayed all night with me when I asked you to, so you more than made up for it."

Her hand burned against my face and I let my weight drop slightly into her palm. It belonged there for fuck's sake. She had to feel it.

"Ok," I breathed.

I had no idea that she would react the way that she had. I was being continually surprised by her and it was so fucking refreshing. I told her so and she laughed.

_God I loved her so much_…

We stayed sitting on our lounger laughing and talking about our pasts. After my confession she told me that she had stopped eating for six months when her parents had divorced after some fuckwit called Mike Newton had called her 'fat.' Needless to say Mike was now at the top of Uncle Edward's shit list. I wondered how she could possibly see herself as anything but fucking spectacular and almost asked her that exact thing before I caught myself. She admitted that her hair had begun to fall out because of her eating issues and my eyes at once went to her long, dark hair. It was, as well as her ass, the first thing I had noticed about her and it broke my heat to think of it being damaged in some way.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, Bella," I chastised her.

W talked about everything. I told her about Sophia Watts who was my '_first love'_ in high school. Of course she wasn't, of that I was damn sure of now. I was just a horny fifteen year old who wanted a hot girlfriend. I obviously didn't tell Bella this.

She in turn told me about Nathan who she had dated at college. I immediately hated the fuck head which was ridiculous and caveman like and immature but shit, she was mine…

_Mine, mine, mine…_

When I asked her if it was love she had answered cryptically, "Um…I…um…I thought so at the time."

"But not now?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No not now. He was a great guy but it was more lust than love." She smiled gently.

I nodded and smiled back feeling a sense of ease travel up my spine at her words.

It was so effortless being with Bella this way. I loved it. I loved her and I loved how free I felt when I was with her. We talked more and more, learning things about each other. Things that made me smile and things that made me wonder how on earth a woman like Bella had no man to look after her. She was beautiful, funny, smart and sexy and so ridiculously oblivious to it all that it increased it all 110%.

"Do you worry whether people only like you because you're you?" She asked softly.

I frowned at her convoluted question and laughed. "Um…yeah sometimes, but I worry more for them." I looked at her and sighed gently.

I was so worried for her. If anything _were_ to happen between us then she would be property of the public. That was just how my life was. I had clauses in my interview contracts that there were no questions about my love life because as far as I was concerned, it was no fuckers business but mine. However it didn't matter so much because there was _no one_ I was dating. No one to protect, but it would be so much different if I was. I couldn't allow her to be put in that position. As much as I wanted to have her in my life that way the risks were just too great.

"My life is paparazzi fodder," I explained softly. "Everything I do and say is taken, printed, scrutinized and commented on in detail. From things as trivial as my favorite ice cream flavor to who I think should be President. Everyone has an opinion on _my_ opinion." I laughed without humor and licked my lips.

"I've lived with the _extremes_ of it for five years and I'm still not used to it, so to take someone that has never experienced it before and thrust those into it head first. It's not for everyone, Bella. You're reaction yesterday put paid to that."

I smiled at her and she blushed gorgeously, no doubt remembering our picture together in the paper.

"I was just surprised that's all," she explained. "It was such an innocent thing we were doing and for someone to care that much to take a picture of it just seems so strange to me."

I nodded in agreement. "You and me both, kid." I grinned, "But c'est la vie!"

"We made a cute couple though don't you think?"

_You have no idea, beautiful…_

I chuckled, keeping my eyes on hers and nodded, "definitely, Miss Swan."

I noticed her wince slightly as she sat up straighter, rubbing the small of her back discreetly.

"Are you alright?" I asked, hoping that she wouldn't lie to me about the amount of pain that she was in.

"Yeah, yeah it's just a sore back from sitting."

I eyed me not believing a word she was fucking saying.

"Do you want another painkiller?" I asked glancing at his watch. "It's two and half hours since you took the last two."

Time seemed to pass so quickly with her it was crazy.

"Yes please," she answered.

I nodded in agreement, happy that she knew better than to bullshit me any more.

I stood up and she followed me back into the house. I rummaged in the cupboard and found two tablets. I poured her some water and handed her both. I watched as she drank them down, seeing her wince again.

"Are you sure you don't want to get looked over by a doctor, Bella?" I asked

"I'm sure. I'm fine."

I shook my head and sighed in defeat. "What do you want then?"

_Anything, baby, just name it…_

"Tell me about music." She smiled.

"Really?" I asked in a high-surprised-as-shit kind of voice.

"Yeah, I had no idea you liked music. What do you play?"

I rubbed the back of my neck anxiously. "Well, I haven't played anything in a long time, but I did play the piano and guitar."

It was a long fucking time in fact; eight years almost.

"Wow," she muttered. "Why has it been so long since you played?"

"Time mostly. I'm always so busy and I don't have much around me that inspires me to play."

I sat myself down at one end of the sofa and she placed herself at the other. I looked at her surreptitiously and suddenly realized that I had found one hundred and ten pounds of the most incredible inspiration I would ever need.

"God, you're so lucky to be musical," she exclaimed. "The closest I got to an instrument was a tambourine and my 4th grade teacher told me I was crap at that because I couldn't keep a beat! Can you read music?"

I nodded feeling slightly embarrassed.

"And you tell me I surprise you." She smirked. "You're a dark horse, Mr. Cullen, I'll give you that!"

I smiled and shifted slightly, feeling my body react to her tone.

The way she said my name, like that, just fucking…_did things_…to me.

"I'd love to hear you play sometime."

I looked at her to see if she really was bullshitting me but saw only honesty and truth in her eyes.

"Well, I do have a recording somewhere but…" She didn't let me finish.

"Oh, _please_ let me hear it!"

I laughed at her adorable enthusiasm and the fact that I knew that she really didn't need to plead with me the way that she was. I'd do anything for her, especially when she said please in that way.

"Hang on. I'm not sure where it is."

I made my way to my CD's and started hunting down the spines of them all. "Ah, you may be in luck," I said with a smile when I spotted Alice's handwriting across the case.

"I have to warn you," I said with a grin. "This was about seven years ago and it was done using Alice's home recording equipment so the quality is a little ropey." I grabbed the remote and pressed play sitting down next to her. If I was honest the quality was fucking awful but she just looked like she wanted to hear it so badly.

"What is this?" she whispered as the notes began to fill the room.

"It's Chopin Nocturne No. 2 in E Flat. Its Esme's favorite." I smiled at her and the look of complete joy that covered her face.

I watched entranced as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the back of the sofa and fuck me if she didn't moan softly and hum along to the sounds. Her neck extended back beautifully and all I wanted to do was lick her all the way up the pale skin that was now on show. Her eyelids fluttered and her mouth moved as if she was breathing in every note that she heard.

My hands twitched to touch her and my body ached for her. My cock had never been as hard as it was at that moment. I pulled my eyes from her when her head began moving back upright and started tapping out the notes on my knees with my fingers just to keep the fuckers busy. I couldn't help but imagine what noises she would make under my hands and fingers. What my name would sound like at the height of her orgasm and what she would look like as she came around me, hot and wet…

_Holy shit…_

The piece finished and I turned slowly to her. I had no idea if she could see how much I wanted her but I truly didn't give a shit. Hiding my lust for her was just becoming too damn difficult. I was suddenly glad I had my lose jeans on. My erection was not helped one bit by the fact that her face read all the things that my brain did. Her pupils were huge and her chest rose and dipped quickly. They were subtle differences but I noticed them instantly.

_As did my penis…_

"That was wonderful, Edward," she whispered making my cock twitch. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Bella," I breathed, amazed that my voice even worked.

"There are more if you'd like to listen to…I mean you don't have to," I offered, desperate to just watch her once more, to see her utterly enraptured and lost in the most seductive way.

My dick moaned at me to stop the torture but I couldn't.

"Of course I want to hear them, Edward, please."

_Oh thank Christ…_

I pressed the pay button in the remote and continued playing the notes against my legs, always watching Bella as she breathed, slow and deep, lolling her head against the back of the sofa only two feet away from me.

Delicious torture, indeed.

My heart hammered and my lungs gasped. I even felt clammy, almost sweaty with the power that it took for me to keep my ass in my seat. I should have been consoled by the fact that Bella looked just as spent by the end of it as I was feeling but her wide eyes, wet mouth and ruffled hair just made her look a million times hotter and a billion times more tempting.

"Well," I whispered after a moment of silence. "That was interesting." I glanced at her and smirked.

"Yeah," she agreed nodding very slowly.

We looked at each other knowing that we had shared something unexplainable, unbelievable and intense.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

"Yeah, a little," she confessed, rubbing her stomach.

"I was thinking of ordering in. What do you say?" I grinned.

She gave me a wide exquisite smile telling me all I needed to know.

~*~

Our food arrived and we sat cross legged on the floor of the sitting room around the mahogany and glass table. I apologized profusely when I realized that I had ordered enough Chinese to feed the whole street. Bella simply laughed me off and piled her plate high.

We sat and talked about our friends, I told her how Jasper and I had been best friends forever and that he was the one person I most trusted in the world. I told her stories of our adolescence before I went to college and began fucking up my life. I told her that I was happy for him and Alice because I knew that Jasper had loved my sister since before he even liked girls and that he would look after her and take care of her no matter what.

I sure as hell knew that Alice deserved any happiness she had in her life with a brother like me.

Bella told me about Angela and how they had become like sisters on her first day at Forks high. She told me a story about a pair of prom high heels - which she snorted at as she told me - and how happy she was for her friend when she came home to tell her about meeting a guy called Ben. I asked her if she was going to tell Angela about what had happened with James but she explained that she had text her telling her she couldn't see her because of a migraine. She seemed guilty about it but I told her that I understood. Sometimes it was ok to lie to our friends - if it protected them.

We ate and talked and laughed about ourselves and the people that we loved. I told her about Carlisle and the amazing man that he was. I spoke of Esme and the wonderful unconditional love she had for my sister and I, even when we were terrible to her and each other when we were younger. She told me about her father, Charlie and the ways in which they had grown to compromise when she had moved in with him. I noticed her finger playing with her hair and smiled. It was clear she missed her father and that she loved him very much.

We moved to the sofa and sat in silence. I usually hated silence but with Bella it was perfect and easy.

"You tired?" I asked, watching as she rubbed her eyes with the backs of her hands.

"A bit," she smiled. "It's been a long, educational day."

_No shit…_

"I can't believe I'm yawning and it's only," she moved my wrist so she could see my watch. "7 o'clock? Jesus, I'm so fucking rock and roll!"

"Bella, it's ok, it has been a long day and a draining 24 hours."

I'd have loved to have been able to turn the clock back so that it had never happened. If I could have, I would have.

For her.

"Yeah," she whispered. "Edward?"

I turned to her at a snail's pace.

"Thank you."

I blinked slowly, seeing in her eyes that she meant more than the Chinese that was scattered on the table in front of us. I smiled gently and nodded. There was nothing else to say.

"I think I'm going to try and sleep," she muttered.

The selfish bastard in me stamped his foot petulantly and crossed his arms in temper. I wanted more time with her. I had loved our day together but she had been through so much. I would just have to wait to see her tomorrow.

_Thank fuck she's still here..._

"Do you want me to give you a hand with anything?" I asked swallowing hard as a shit load of gratuitous images flowed through my head.

In truth all I wanted to hear from her was that she wanted me in bed with her again. I would forfeit any sexual contact to have that again. I just wanted to be near her.

"No, I'm fine," she answered. "Do you need help cleaning up?"

"No, its ok I'll do it."

I looked at her and felt my eyes drop to her lips, her gorgeous, pink lips that just ached to be fucking kissed, sucked, licked and worshipped, like the rest of her.

_Just one kiss…just one…_

My eyes moved swiftly back to her eyes to see her staring at me intently.

"Well," I whispered. "Goodnight, Bella."

The words were out and I couldn't take them back but deep down I knew that it was the right thing to do. I couldn't just kiss her like I had before and assume that's what she wanted. I knew she felt something, of that there was no doubt; I just didn't know what it was or how much she felt it.

There were a lot more reasons for me not to kiss her than there were for me to press myself against her and make her cum by playing her like the piano I missed so much.

Her eyes seemed to lose some of their light but the moment had passed. We both knew it.

She smiled tightly at me, turned and made her way up the stairs to bed. Once I heard her door click shut I dropped face down onto the sofa screaming obscenities into the cushions.

_You fucking prick, Cullen!_

_What the fuck were you thinking?_

_She's too damn good for your fucked up ass!_

I was almost hoarse by the time I had finished. I rolled over, blowing my hair out of my face and stared at the ceiling.

I pulled my cell phone out to text Jasper. Surely, he would have some words of fucking wisdom.

**Dude, I am officially in hell. This woman was sent to ruin me, I shit you not. Help! E**

_**Tell her. Bite the bullet. She might surprise you.**_

I scoffed at my phone screen, flipping it the finger.

**That's it? That's your advice?!**

_**Yup**_

**Thanks for the help, 'Buddy!'**

_**Any time :) **_

I threw my phone across the room to the chair opposite me and rubbed my palms down my face.

What the hell was going on?

I was hard, horny as fuck, in love with a woman that was living in my house and I had no idea what to do with myself. No idea at all.

I wanted her, needed her, desired her more than I had anyone or anything ever before almost on a creepy scale but I couldn't show it. It was wrong to think that she would just take me. She worked for me. I was in a position of trust. I had already rocked that trust by leaving her to get hurt by James and I'd be damned if I threatened it any further. I had opened up to her with shit that I hadn't spoken of for years and she had accepted it, accepted me and in turn my love for her had grown. I wanted to consume her like she had consumed me.

The more time I spent with her the more I needed her. Like a drug she was addictive with a buzz and a high that lasted for the entire time that she was with me. It was an inappropriate analogy but what the fuck ever. If it was one thing I understood, it was drugs and Bella was now my drug of choice. I was like a junky, jumpy, anxious and craving my next fucking hit. The only difference, that scared the ever loving shit out of me, was that I knew there was no way I could wean myself off of her.

She was inside me, completely under my skin and there was no cure, no antidote.

I was utterly fucked.

I wandered around the house, tried to play pool, listened to music, watched an hour of some fucking awful vampire romance movie and I was still wound as tight as a fucking spinning top. I ran my hands through my hair again and kicked at the breakfast bar stool in frustration, glancing at the stairs knowing that where they led was nothing but magnificent temptation.

I could do it.

_**Bite the bullet.**_

Go to her and tell her how I felt and see what she did.

Would _she_ want _me_? I had no idea.

I kicked the bar stool again as I walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge and slugged it back in three. I placed it down on the counter looking at the emptiness in surprise.

…_the fuck?_

This was fucking ridiculous.

I glanced out towards the yard with a long sigh and watched as the timer on the pool lights came on.

"Yes," I muttered as I ran from the kitchen and up to my room grabbing my swim shorts. If one thing could calm me the fuck down it was swimming. I would do so many laps I wouldn't be able to fucking think about Isabella Swan and all the things I wanted to say and do to her. I grabbed a towel and ran back down the stairs and out towards the pool.

I threw my towel on our lounger and dove in head first.

The water was tepid and fucking lush against my skin as I made my way across the full length of the pool without breaking the surface. I took a huge gulp of air when I hit the other end and made my way back again towards the deeper end. My lungs started to scream in protest but I remained under for the entire lap all the way back to the shallow side. I gasped when I broke through and my lungs immediately eased as the air flowed through them. I rubbed my face and opened my eyes.

"Fuck!" I exclaimed before laughing nervously as I looked at Bella who was sitting on the side of the pool in nothing but my shirt and a pair of waaay-too-little-tiny-short-shorts.

_Holy fuck…_

"You gave me a heart attack." I smiled, trying to ignore the ache in my groin.

"Sorry," she grinned, "but you were under water. Why are you swimming at this time of night?"

_Because I can't think of anything but you and touching you, kissing you and making you mine forever…_

"It…um…clears my mind," I answered quietly.

"A lot to clear?"

I looked at her for a beat, taking her beauty into every pore of my body and nodded, "Yeah."

"Did it work?"

"For a time."

_Until you came down here and reminded me why my head is so far up my ass…_

"Why are you up? Bad dream?" I asked as I put my feet onto the pool floor and my hands through my hair. It didn't escape my notice that her eyes roamed over my bare chest. It also didn't escape me that I liked it immensely.

_Look all you like, beautiful. It's yours if you want it…_

"No, not really," she replied after a moment. "I was just remembering something from last night." She glanced at me nervously. "Something you said to me."

Fuck. What had I said?

"Oh really?" I muttered nonchalantly. "And what was that?" I let my eyes wander down her face, across her chest towards her legs.

She paused and took a deep breath as her eyes darted from side to side. "I can't remember _exactly_…"

**What. The. Fuck?**

My brow furrowed so damn hard that it hurt as my eyes took in the tops of her legs. All across the tops of her thighs there were marks, grazes and bruises that looked like finger marks and nail scratches. She saw me staring and tried to cover them up but I was faster than that shit, moving in front of her with my hands at either side of her on the white tiles of the pool.

Up close the marks were vicious and angry looking and larger than I first thought. They stretched up towards the leg of her shorts, disappearing under them. I clenched my teeth and fists, breathing deeply through my nose so hard it almost echoed around the yard.

"That motherfucker…" I muttered through my teeth.

He had gotten so close. Too fucking close. How had I not looked after her? How had I let this happen to her?

I slammed my fists down on the tiles in utter fury. I wanted to find him. I wanted to find him and kill that son of a bitch. I wanted to make him pay for touching her that way. I wanted it so fucking much I could taste it. Bruises, scratches and scuffs would be fuck all against what I would do to him. If I ever got my hands on that motherfucker again.

It took me a moment to realize that Bella was holding my face in her palms, looking at me with a mixture of pain, fear and worry

"Edward, it's ok," she soothed but I shook my head quickly, squeezing my eyes tightly shut.

"No, it's fucking not ok, Bella," I yelled. "It's not even fucking close. That bastard put his hands on you, hurt you. And I wasn't…"

I gripped the sides of the pool and breathed as hard as I could, trying to focus on the sensation of her hands on me. She was there for me and I hadn't been there for her. I wasn't worthy of her in any way.

"You weren't what, Edward?" she whispered.

I opened my eyes slowly and looked at her as I let my head drop into her hands in defeat and failure.

"I wasn't even there," I answered.

I wanted to be there for her in every way, as her protector, her friend, her lover, her confidante. I wanted it all and I had failed at the first fucking hurdle. I hadn't been there to keep James and his filthy hands away from her.

_I wasn't there, like I hadn't been there that night when my birth father came home when I was six years old and took my mother from me forever._

"It doesn't hurt, Edward." she smiled through glassy eyes.

She dropped her hands from my face and lifted my right wrist gently. I swallowed at the contact. Her eyes never left mine as she placed my palm on the marks on her left thigh. The crackle and spark of our skin meeting was incredible and made me exhale hard. She slowly released me but I kept my hand against her, watching the goose flesh rush across her body as I ran my thumb along the scratches and grooves on her skin. I could feel the heat move from her flesh to mine. It traveled up my arm and settled in my stomach where my desire for her smoldered and twisted.

I lifted my other hands slowly and placed it on her other leg, caressing her as though she would break under my hands. I moved my thumbs over her in small circles, gently and lovingly, wishing to hell that they would disappear with each stroke of my hand. Feeling her under my palms was incredible. She was so soft and pale and the feeling inside me began to rise like a fucking tidal wave. I had never experienced passion like it. It took my breath away, leaving my lungs sore with the labored breaths I was taking.

I lifted my eyes to her face and what I saw defeated me and all the walls I had ever built around myself. The tall barriers around my mind heart and soul came crashing down, leaving me naked and bare before her. Her eyes were closed, her head was leaning back slightly and her damn lip was wedged between her teeth making the air that she was breathing sound unnaturally loud. I had never seen anything so erotic in my entire life.

She felt it.

She had to. Fuck, I wanted her to.

I needed her to.

I paused my hands on her but kept them exactly where they were, my finger tips grazing the legs of her shorts. My eyes wandered over the curves of her mouth. The pout of her bottom lip and the pucker at the centre of her upper, aching for mine against them. She opened her eyes slowly to see me staring at her.

"Edward," she breathed just loud enough for me to hear before running her hand up my forearm towards the marks that James had left. She rubbed it gently as I had done to her. I exhaled quickly and blinked slowly before licking my lips.

_Fuck, her touch felt so good, so intimate…_

"Does it hurt?" she whispered.

I shook my head in response, completely unable to speak and completely unable to take my eyes away from her lips. I couldn't help but remember how they felt when we had kissed on the lounger, so soft and responsive to me. My cock twitched and I cleared my throat, dragging my gaze up to hers. Her eyes were so full of trust and honesty and there I was thinking about nothing but her mouth. She had been through so much and I wasn't helping her.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," I murmured, "so very fucking sorry."

I looked at her and prayed to God that she could see all that I was apologizing for. I was sorry that I had acted like a complete tool when we had first met. I was sorry that I was dismissive and rude. I was sorry that Tanya had spoken to her in that way and I hadn't defended her like I should have. I was sorry for James and what he did to her and I was sorry for loving her so much that I truly believed I would die without her.

"Don't be," she smiled gently, lifting her hand to my cheek. "I'm not."

A shiver of want ran down my body from my neck to my feet, making every nerve ending in between come alive with excitement and need. Her words echoed around my head as I looked at her mouth again. I swear to God it was beckoning me and I was helpless against it. The words she had used…surely that meant something. Surely that meant that she didn't mind my hands being on her. Surely that meant that if I kissed her she would kiss me back.

_**Bite the bullet.**_

As slow as I possible could, I moved my hands from her legs up towards her small hips. I rested them gently for a split second before moving them further up to her delicate waist, along her forearms, up her shoulders until I was cupping her beautiful face. The water dripped off my hands down my shirt that she was wearing and pooled on her gorgeous thighs. My heart was almost cracking my ribs as I moved my face closer to hers. Her breathing picked up and she tensed under my touch but I was too far gone to stop.

All I could do was apologize for what I was about to do and hope to fuck that that was enough.

"I sorry, Bella," I whispered before I pressed my mouth gently against hers.

Jesus the electricity that surged through me was unbelievable. The warmth and energy that passed between us took my breath away and increased my heart beat to an almost unhealthy pace.

I was kissing her. I was kissing Bella and it felt magical. It was a million times better than I remembered and my body reacted a million times more insane to the contact.

She wasn't moving but she wasn't pulling away and that was enough for me. It was more than I could ever have dreamed of until she moved her hand to my hair, weaving her fingers through it and pulled my face closer to her.

Fuck me…she wants this…she wants me…

I couldn't help but moan into her mouth as I felt her put pressure on the back of my head bringing us closer together. She slowly opened her lips to me and I didn't hesitate in deepening the kiss as much as I could. I'd have given up forever just to have had that sensation of her, holding me to her for the rest of my life. I felt like my body was going to burst into flames as she moved her mouth against mine making the kiss become needy, wet and hot as fuck.

_Jesus the woman could kiss…_

I moved my hands down to her neck, holding her face with the sides of my thumbs as our mouths collided again and again. I nearly came in my shorts when she threw her arms and legs around me pulling herself hard against me. I couldn't help but push my tongue into her mouth, desperate for her taste and moaned in satisfaction when I finally had proof that she tasted as good as she fucking looked; better in fact.

I panted and grunted as she sucked and licked at my tongue, lips and mouth. It was like she was ravenous for me, just like I was for her. She was consuming me and dammit if I didn't want her to have every piece of me. I offered it willingly.

She would never know how long I had waited for her.

Her taste was fucking extraordinary. It was sweet, fresh, light and breathed life into me with every flick of my tongue against hers. We both moaned when she pushed against me again in such a way that my cock rubbed against her, right between her legs and fuck, if she wasn't the warmest thing I had ever felt.

I was so hard, I ached and before I knew what I was doing I was pushing and rotating myself against her, desperate to get closer. I wanted to crawl inside her and lose myself forever. I ground into her again and she pulled back, eyes blazing, lips swollen and hair messed from my hands.

"Edward," she panted. "I…I…please, Edward."

She was fucking magnificent and she was begging me.

My lips crashed back against hers and my hands moved to cup her fantastic ass to bring her to the edge of the pool so that her heat was pushed hard against me. My hands moved under her shirt, desperate to feel more of her soft skin. My hands traveled up her sides, grazing the sides of her naked breasts with my thumbs, making my hips move towards her again.

Her hands were suddenly in my hair, grabbing and gripping almost furiously. She pulled my head back, releasing my lips from hers and began licking, kissing and sucking my neck. I moaned as her tongue moved across my collarbone and up my throat where she nibbled at my Adam's apple. My brain almost exploded when her mouth swept along my jaw, wet and breathless.

"_Jesus_, Bella," I hissed through my teeth. She had to know what she was doing to me. She was driving me slowly insane with yearning and lust.

Her hands moved up my back where she clawed me right along my ticklish spots. I arched my back in response, pushing my hands outwards which, in turn, popped every button on the shirt that she was wearing.

_Holy mother of fuck…_

I stood motionless looking at her, unable to move or speak with my hands holding her ribs just under her breasts which were, unsurprisingly, fucking perfect. Every line, curve and dip of her body was immaculate and demanded to be fucking worshipped. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen and goddamn it if I didn't feel my heart nearly burst with my love for her.

She suddenly started shifting and looking uncomfortable under my gaze, reaching out to close the shirt around her. I grabbed her wrists stopping her.

_No fucking way, baby…_

"Don't you fucking dare, Miss Swan," I growled at her.

I moved my hands from her wrists to her shoulders and pushed the shirt from her letting it fall on to the tiles. I allowed myself to soak in the vision before me, exhaling hard at what I saw. I shook my head in utter awe.

"Bella," I whispered. "You're exquisite."

I leaned forward slowly and placed a gentle kiss on the top of each of her breasts. She gasped as I did making me do it again just to hear that sound once more. I let my mouth slide over her chest down towards her right nipple. I glanced up to see her head lolling backwards and felt her grip on my hair tighten as I wound my tongue around her peak.

"_Oh_…Edward."

_Fuck, yes…Tell me how good it feels, Bella…Tell me you want me…_

I groaned in response, letting her moans of pleasure sink deep into me, setting my skin on fire. I twisted my tongue around and around her nipple feeling it harden further against my tongue. I sucked, flicked and nibbled while my hand cupped and squeezed her other breast firmly. She was whimpering, driving me and my cock fucking crazy with desire. Her sounds were better than I had ever fucking imagined. They were animal, full of wanting, need and pleading.

I dropped her nipple from my mouth and slammed my mouth back to hers, making her gasp. Her tongue met mine immediately and her ankles locked tightly around my waist. She pulled her twisted legs further up my body, pushing my hips into hers harder and harder and all we had were two pairs of shorts between us. If this was going to happen and fuck me, if I didn't want it more than anything in the world at that moment, then I had to know that it was definitely what she wanted.

I placed my hands on her face and pulled her back gently. Her eyes were dark with lust and her cheeks were the most delicious pink I had ever seen. We were both breathless and as eager as each other but I had to be certain she knew what we were about to do and that it would change everything between us.

"Bella," I breathed, putting my forehead to hers. "Are you sure?"

"Please Edward," she moaned, "please."

_Jesus, woman, not with the please…_

She kissed me hard, grabbing at my neck and it felt fucking amazing but I managed to pull back again.

"Bella," I whispered. "This will change everything."

She had to know that. We were both so far gone it was fairly hopeless to think anything would ever be the same between us again but if we made love, then I would want more and she would have to know that too. She rubbed my face softly from temple to chin.

"I've never been surer of anything in my life, Edward." She moved her mouth to my ear and purred. "Please make love to me."

She squealed as I lifted her off the side of the pool and pulled her into the water. If she thought she'd have to tell me or my dick twice she was sadly fucking mistaken. Never in my life had I heard five such fucking awesome words. Please. Make. Love. To. Me.

_It would be my pleasure, baby…_

She wrapped her legs around me instantly and pressed her bare chest against mine. We slid against one another in the water as she kissed me all over my face and head while moaning my name over and over.

_Oh God, I love you, I love you…_

I moved her lower down my body and she stopped kissing me as her head fell back as my cock stroked between her legs.

"Fuck…_oh_."

I did it again, moving her easily and she groaned again, loud and guttural, making the hairs on my neck stand on end. She was moaning for me and it was like music to my ears.

"God, Bella," I murmured as I licked her neck up to her shoulder to her ear. "I want you so much…_fuck_."

I moved against her again, harder than before, needing to get inside her. She pulled her hands from my neck and started fiddling with something under the water. I quickly realized that she was trying to pull her shorts off.

_Well, fucking alright then…_

I smiled so wide the back of my head nearly split as I let go of her waist and pushed my shorts down too. They landed at the side of the pool with a loud splat that we both laughed at, kissing as we did. It felt so good being with her. I swear it was as close to heaven as I was sure to get having her naked in my arms.

"You feel so good, Bella," I whispered kissing her shoulder while my hand traveled up her calf, up to her thigh before grabbing her ass gently. "Your taste, your smell, your skin, I love…"

My breath caught in my throat and I felt her tense under me.

_Fuckshituckshitfuckshit…_

I clenched my eyes in panic but kept my lips moving across her shoulder and then back to her mouth that I just missed too damn much to leave for longer that sixty seconds.

"I love it all, Bella," I added.

She smiled beautifully and kissed me back. I sighed into her half in relief and half in contentment. I moved through the water until her back was pressed against the side of the pool and I sucked in a breath as my cock rubbed her clit hard. I pulled my hands from around her waist and lifted her wrists from my shoulders to my neck so that she was leaning back slightly.

I wanted to see all of her at every stage. I had dreamed and thought about it or too fucking long to miss one damn thing of what we were about to do.

I looked at her and smiled before leaning in to kiss her gorgeous tits that were partially submerged. I held one of her thighs around my waist while I trailed my other hand from her ass across her thigh and down between them. I moaned into her mouth when I felt the bare skin of her pussy because Jesus, if that wasn't the sexiest fucking thing ever.

She held her breath with her mouth open against mine before moaning loudly as my finger met her clit. I played her softly and slowly feeling how swollen she was under my finger tips. I rubbed gently, dipping my fingers further down towards her slit while my mouth found her nipples again as her hands tightened around my neck. She gripped me so hard under her small hands showing me how much she wanted it to happen.

She was fucking stunning and I needed more.

She whispered my name as I pressed my middle finger against her.

"_Fuck,_ Bella," I growled. "I can feel you." She was so wet and it was all over her, slick and warmer than the water around us.

I pushed my lips against hers and let the tip of my finger push gently inside her.

"_God_…oh, you're so fucking warm," I mumbled against her neck.

I pushed my finger in further, swallowing the gasps that were coming from her as I did.

"Edward," she gasped into me. "I can't wait any more."

_Me neither, babygirl…_

I pulled my hands from her clit and held her around her waist. I looked at her and waited. I was suddenly thirteen again and shit fucking scared that I was about to have sex for the first time.

"Do we need…?" I paused and looked down into the water towards where my cock rested so fucking close to her. "I'm clean but…"

She shook her head. "Me too and I'm covered," she panted.

Now, I'm not chauvinistic in any way and I would have damn sure run my ass upstairs to grab a fucking condom if she had said so but Christ alive, if that wasn't the best news I had ever heard.

I groaned as my cock twitched in excitement and kissed her again deep and wet before pulling back and smiling. She nodded and smiled back at me. She looked like an angel and my heart stuttered in my chest.

This was what I had been waiting for, what I had wanted since I had met her, since I had fallen in love with her and it was happening. It was fucking happening.

I shifted my hips forward slowly, guiding my dick with my hand towards her. As my cock pressed against her entrance, my lips met hers and as I pushed myself into her, her name fell from my lips.

She groaned and arched her back as I pushed slowly into her.

_Fuck…oh my Bella, I love you…_

"_Oh_…my…god," she whimpered as my hips became flush against hers.

I was inside of her. I was inside of Bella and I had never felt as whole or complete as I did at that moment. Everything that had turned to shit in my life, all the big things and the small insignificant things that made me angry or quick tempered suddenly evaporated into nothing as Bella's warmth engulfed me.

This was all that mattered.

Nothing would ever matter to me as much as the woman in my arms and I would do everything in my power to keep her with me always.

I held still for a moment with my eyes closed but holding her as tight as I could. My cock was so hard and I felt her pussy walls pulse around me making my orgasm shift forward inch by inch. I slowly drew back my hips and pushed back into her, kissing her softly as I did.

"Bella, you're…_oh_…god…_so_…"

I continued moving slowly with long slow thrusts so that I could feel every inch of her around me over and over. She clenched around me and I moaned again against her mouth. I wasn't going to last long at all. She just felt so fucking good, against me, around me. My hands moved all over her body from her hips and her waist, up towards her breasts that moved sexily with the water around us, to her shoulders which I gripped as I began to move so that my thrusts became shorter but still deep enough to make me grunt low in my chest.

_Still so fucking deep…_

"Edward," she gasped as I felt her body tighten further around me. "I'm so…close…_uh_…fuck."

_Oh thank God…_

My hips moved quicker again, deeper and deeper, trying to hit her where she needed it.

"Cum, Bella," I whispered in her ear as I drove harder. "I want…I want to see you cum…for me."

I breathed each word and with each word I thrust harder into her. I wanted to see it so badly, to hear my name on her lips as she came all over me. She bent her head back and moaned, pushing her hips against mine, meeting my thrusts with hers and making my dick harder and harder in the process.

Jesus I was going to cum so fucking hard. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself but it was no good. I was lost in her.

"Oh…_ah_…fuck," she cried, gripping my shoulders.

I panted and growled as our mouths met again, disorganized and frantic. She held onto the tops of my arms as I covered her mouth with mine, blowing my moans of pleasure into her again and again. I moved my mouth from her lips to her neck, keeping my eyes closed to try and hold off my orgasm that was moving so fucking hard and fast around my body. I moved in her hard, trying to keep my aggressive, primal side shut down.

I had to be honest with myself, now that I had her, I wanted to fuck her.

I wanted to fuck her hard to show her how much I needed her but that time wasn't now.

Her legs tightened around me so that I couldn't move back as far but dammit if I wasn't even fucking deeper than before. She let go of my neck and held onto the side of the pool lifting her hips to me, grinding hard against me making me one happy bastard. I could see every inch of her and she looked fucking beautiful, moving up and down my cock. She was definitely close and _oh so_ fucking tight.

I held onto her hips and started to thrust hard and fast. I couldn't hold back any longer and all of my want, need, frustration, anger and love that had built from the moment she had entered my life burst from me. I groaned and grunted as I got closer and closer to my release.

Bella closed her eyes with her mouth hung open in silence as she clenched my cock tighter and tighter.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I chanted under my breath before her back snapped back and she cried out my name over and over again as she milked me and thrust back at me.

"Edward, _ah, Edward…ah…ah_."

_My name on her lips…_

Every one of my thrusts was met with a cry from her. I continued to pound into her, feeling my orgasm twist and turn around my stomach, across my thighs to my balls and then to my cock before, with one final drive, I came so fucking hard inside of her, yelling her name as I did.

"Fuck…Bella…_fuck…ah_," I groaned against her neck.

I continued to move my hips until I had no energy left and we collapsed heavily against the side of the pool.

Her arms and legs were still wrapped around me and I remained inside her as we caught our breath together. I leaned the side of my face against hers and I smiled when I felt her hand cup my cheek gently. It was such a small gesture but it meant so much.

I turned my head towards hers and kissed her face softly, lingering on her lips and cheeks, sighing as she tightened her grip on me. She tucked her head under my chin and weaved her arms under mine, pressing her palms against my back. I was so content and happy I could have danced my naked ass down Hollywood Boulevard.

Bella's breathing suddenly became slow and sleepy and I at once felt a twinge of panic.

Had we moved too fast? Had I forced this on her?

"Bella," I whispered into my hair.

"Mmm?"

"Are you ok?"

She squeezed me hard and placed a lazy kiss on my neck making my slightly hard cock very fucking hard.

"I'm fucking incredible, Edward."

I laughed and kissed her hair, utterly ecstatic at her words.

"Me too," I muttered.

I couldn't quite believe that it had happened, winding my arms around her more, just in case she turned out to be part of a really good dream. She squeezed me back and I smiled into her hair. She smelled fucking amazing and felt even better.

She moved back and looked up at me, smiling lightly; looking so gorgeous I couldn't help but stare back at her. She cupped my face and kissed me so tenderly it was almost a whisper.

"Did you really mean it?" she asked pulling back from the kiss

"What?"

"Did you mean it when you said that this will change everything?"

"Absolutely," I answered determinedly. "Everything is different now, Bella, for both of us."

She looked up at me and smiled and large genuine smile.

"So, what changes first?" she asked putting her arms around my waist while moving her hips slowly against me.

I moaned and pushed my hips upwards, feeling my cock pulse in eagerness.

"Well, Miss Bella," I growled while kissing her. I grazed her lip with my tongue, tasting her sweetness. "The first thing is, from now on." I moved my hips again.

"You'll be sleeping in my bed."

**Holy hot sex in the pool, Batman!**

**I hope this was worth the wait? *cowers behind Commissioner Gordon's red Bat-phone***

**Please let me know if there are any other outtakes that you would like – I have plans for the conception f Mini-C and the subsequent birth as well as a couple of spicier ones.**

**If there as ever a situation you had wanted to see Belward in that I didn't write then please let me know!**

**Leave a review, PM or send a message on Twitter – my address is on my profile!**

**TTFN x x x **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey there people!**

**Thank you for the amazing feedback for the last chapter. I'm thrilled that you loved Edward's POV of the first time.**

**Thank you also to everyone who has suggested outtakes. I will do my best to meet your demands.**

**See you on the other side…**

**The Night The Earth Moved**** – The Conception of Mini-C**

**EPOV**

Bella was pissed.

Like, really fucking pissed.

At me.

If it hadn't been made obvious by the horrendous silent treatment I had been receiving since she had taken a phone call earlier that morning, the sharp looks and the quick breaths that she took every time that I looked at her made it abundantly clear.

And I hated it.

I hated that she wouldn't talk to me and I hated that she was making every excuse not to be left alone with me. My balls however were fairly relieved about this.

I did, albeit innocently, deserve her anger. I wasn't so much of an asshole that I didn't see why she was mad - I knew that she had a right to be angry – but it didn't help the twist that I felt in my gut every time she flashed her, beautiful, brown, dagger filled eyes at me.

"Bella," I breathed, just seconds before Henry Cousins of Entertainment Weekly walked through the door of the hotel suite I'd been holed up in for five fucking hours.

She exhaled down her nose, staring intently at her clip board and ignored me, purposefully. I knew that she had heard me.

"Baby," I whispered urgently.

She continued to ignore me before shooting a beautiful smile towards Henry while guiding him to his seat.

I gripped the arm rests of my chair and huffed in frustration, which simply gained a flick of long dark hair in my direction.

Oh yeah. She was definitely pissed.

After nearly eleven months of marriage, I knew when my wife was livid. And right now, she most definitely was.

Fuck.

I just had to figure out how I was going to make it better and I was, infuriatingly, drawing a blank every fucking time.

The interview with Henry went well. I answered all his questions about my new film – how I identified with the character of a New York cop, how I felt about the whispers of an Oscar nomination, how I had reacted to the news that I had been beaten by Johnny Depp in the world's sexiest man vote (fucker) – I smiled and laughed in all the right places but it was all mechanical. I couldn't focus on the man in front of me because I was entirely too focused on the woman sitting behind him, chewing on the tip of her pen, averting her eyes from mine every time I tried to catch her gaze.

"And that's ten minutes," she chirped as she stood and walked over to Henry, still acting as if I wasn't even in the room.

"Great," he replied as he held out his hand for me which I shook firmly. "Thanks, Edward."

"No problem," I muttered, keeping my eyes on Bella.

He turned to my wife as he stood, "Always a pleasure, Mrs Cullen."

"Take care, Henry," she said with a wide smile and sparkling eyes.

Fuck, why couldn't she smile at _me_ like that? Oh yeah, because I'm an A1 douche.

He walked around her towards the door and she spun on her heel to follow. I stood quickly and grabbed the crook of her elbow before she could disappear.

She stopped and glared at my hand before giving my face the same treatment.

"Bella, please," I whispered, hopelessly aware that there was still a film crew and three other people in the room with us. "Talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about," she snapped.

"Yes there is," I answered, rubbing my thumb along her arm where I held her. "You're pissed. I'm an asshole. And I'm sorry."

"How perceptive of you," she replied through her teeth. "But apology not accepted."

"Baby," I sighed, dropping my head to the side in pleading.

"No, Edward. No '_baby_.' Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment I have to keep. Jane will be through in fifteen." She looked down at my hand and I released her slowly in defeat.

"When will you be home?"

"I don't know," she answered. "Angela booked the movie tickets so I don't know what time it'll be finished. Then we're having dinner."

"Will you text me and let me know?" I asked gently as I slipped my hands in my pockets.

She exhaled down her nose and I noticed her eyes soften slightly as she looked up at me from her clipboard.

"Yeah," she mumbled. "See you later."

"Yeah, see ya. Say hi to Angela for me. I love you."

"You too," she replied quickly before walking out of the door and down the corridor.

I ran my hands through my hair and kicked the door jamb. "Fuck," I cursed loudly.

"Women, huh?" I turned to see Frank, the camera man, smiling knowingly at me.

"Yeah," I mumbled, "Women."

~*~

Three hours later, I stopped off at In-and-Out burger on my way home from the interviews, not feeling in the mood to cook my own dinner, and ordered the biggest meal they did with an equally large strawberry milkshake. I was sitting, waiting for my food in the car bay, listening to The Foo Fighters, when my cell phone vibrated in my pocket.

**Movie just finished. Going**** to dinner. Shouldn't be later than 8. B.**

I sighed and grimaced at the lack of kiss at the end of her text. She always put kisses at the end of her texts. We both did. It was our thing. She was still pissed.

_**Ok, baby. Have a good time.**__** Be safe. I love you. E. Xxxxxxxx**_

**I will. X**

Ah, there she was. Maybe the grovelling I had planned for her would work after all.

I drove home feeling a little lighter, parked my Dodge Viper in the garage, grabbed a Budweiser from the fridge and threw myself down on the sofa, ready to enjoy the awesomeness that is the 4 x 4 burger with extra onions. I flicked on the TV, hating the sound of the silent house. I had grown to loathe being in the house without my wife. The whole place seemed to become less bright, less warm. I glanced up at the large picture of the two of us that was resting on the wall near the bottom of the stairs. I couldn't quite believe that it was nearly a year since it had been taken.

We had talked about going back to the villa in Sicily for our anniversary. It was definitely a better option than the party that Alice had mentioned, although she was now in full wedding plan mode since Jasper had proposed at New Year. They were hoping for a Christmas Eve wedding.

I sat back after finishing my food and began watching _Anchorman_ on Filmflex, glancing at the clock at fifteen minute intervals, both anxious and excited for 8 o'clock to arrive. I had missed her like crazy, as I always did when we were apart but I had to be prepared for her. I needed my case to be clear in my head by the time she got back although, I had learned over the past year that, Bella had a sneaky way of making all my words fuck right out of my head whenever we argued. Not that we had a lot of arguments, more like heated discussions (which she always won) but I had a sneaking suspicion that this would be a little more than a few choice words, made better by a kiss, hug and a grope afterward.

I sat up straighter when I heard her car pull up outside of the house.

Fuck.

I grabbed my trash off of the table and hurried to put it in the trash can. She walked through the door as I drank down the last of my beer.

She threw her keys down on the side table and kicked off her shoes, picking up the mail that I had left for her. She didn't say anything and neither did I but the tension in the room was amplified with each aggressive shuffle of the envelopes in her hand. She still had her back to me three minutes later and I was just about ready to lose my shit.

"Hey," I said loudly.

"Hey," she muttered back as she pretended to read the letter in her hand.

"How was your evening?"

"Good," she answered, still not looking at me.

I sighed and clenched my fists in my pockets, feeling my patience start to run dry. "Which movie did you see?"

"Alice in Wonderland," she replied, folding the letter and placing back on the side table. "You know, even with an afro and freaky make up, Johnny Depp still has it going on. Sexiest man indeed."

_Ouch!_

"Mmhm," I hummed with a cocked eyebrow. "Nice dinner?" I continued in a clipped tone.

"Yep."

I sighed loudly, feeling my hackles rise. "So, how's Angela?"

Before I finished the final syllable of her best friend's name she had spun around, hands on her hips, looking at me in such a way that, for one split second, I feared for my life, the life of my balls and the prospect of children in the future.

"Stop!" she snapped. "Just stop with the shitty small talk, Edward!"

"Fine," I snapped back with a frown. "What _shall _we talk about?" I mirrored her pose with my hands on my hips not backing down, knowing _exactly_ what she wanted to talk about.

She snorted sarcastically. "Well," she said, folding her arms across her chest. "Why don't we start with why, after I had specifically asked you in London only _three_ days ago and you had promised that you wouldn't, you still went behind my back and gave my script to Alec?"

I exhaled down my nose. Her tone was harsh and venomous but her face was flushed, surrounding her fierce eyes making her look so fucking sexy I couldn't help but swallow…hard.

"Look," I began, feeling my planned explanation start to ebb out of my ears. "I know, I promised-…"

"Yes you did, Edward. _You promised_," she interrupted me. Her voice changed slightly sounding almost wounded.

_Fuck._

"But, Bella, it is such a fucking amazing script. People have to read it. You have a talent, baby, and I think everyone should see it."

"Don't try to blind me with compliments, Cullen," she seethed.

_Shit. She was onto me._

"When you make a promise to your wife, you keep it. You don't just say you'll do one thing and then do the complete fucking opposite because you think '_everyone should see it_.'"

She punctuated her last words with sarcastic quotation marks. I took a deep breath and dropped my hands from my hips.

"I know and I'm sorry, Bella, but-…"

"But what, Edward? This is me. Bella. _Your wife_. You don't lie to your wife."

I blinked in confusion. "I never lied," I countered with narrowed eyes.

"Yes you did," she retorted. "You had _every_ intention of showing that script to Alec even when you said you wouldn't."

She had me there. It wasn't that I had lied or made a false promise on purpose, I just genuinely thought that Alec should read it. It was so good and she was so fucking gifted that it seemed a shame to keep it quiet, never seeing the light of day.

"Maybe I did," I admitted with a small shrug. "But I didn't intentionally lie, Bella. I would never lie to you."

She had to know that.

She exhaled heavily with a slight dip of her chin. She knew.

"Bella," I said softly. "I _am_ sorry. I know I said I wouldn't and I did and that was a shitty thing to do."

"Yes, it was," she agreed with a condescending tone that just ruffled me further.

"Look, I did it _for_ you, not _against_ you," I argued with a small huff.

"That's not the point!" she retorted with a raised voice.

"For fuck's sake," I muttered with a hand through my hair.

"What did you say?" she fumed.

"I said for fuck's sake, Bella!" I repeated louder through gritted teeth.

She glared at me hard, brow furrowed and nostrils flaring in temper. She was definitely fucking pissed now but I wasn't backing down on this one.

"Look, I know you're upset, because I broke my promise," I exhaled, taking a step towards her. "I get that but don't be mad at me just because I think your work is amazing. Alec knows his shit and has contacts that could really make something of your work. I did it because I think you're fantastic at what you do and it's an opportunity that most script writers would fucking kill for."

Her lack of appreciation rubbed me the wrong way. She stood staring at me, not moving at all.

"Don't make me out to be the big bad wolf here, Bella. I've apologised, I'm sorry you're pissed, I am, but come on, baby."

I took another step towards her but she held her palm out to stop me which I did with a sigh.

"You don't get it do you?" she asked quietly.

"I _do_ get it, Bella," I replied firmly.

She shook her head and ran her hands through her hair. "No, Edward, you don't."

"Then why don't you tell me," I moaned in exasperation, slapping my hands to my thighs. "What don't I get?"

She blinked and cleared her throat.

"Edward, _you_ gave _my_ work to someone without my permission. Work that was private to me, that I showed you in confidence after you _begged_ me to read it. No matter if it was _for_ me, or because you think it was _fucking_ _amazing_ it wasn't your work to give to anyone else, Edward. It was mine."

Her voice was calmer, low and shook slightly as she came to the end of her sentence. I looked at her and saw hurt cross her face. Her eyes which had been blazing when she came in were now softer and saddened which made my heart clench hard.

I really _had_ hurt her.

She wasn't being ungrateful, she was upset because her dickhead husband didn't listen to her and did what he thought was right without consulting her first.

_Fuck._

"Bella," I said quietly as the realisation struck me hard in the chest. "I...fuck, I'm sorry, I..." I reached out towards her but she shook her head again.

"Don't," she whispered, stepping back slightly making my heart stutter and collapse.

She never stopped me touching her. Ever.

I really had fucked up.

"Isabella," I said gently, dropping my hand slowly. "Talk to me."

She ignored me and tucked her hair behind her ears. "I'm going to catch up on some emails and then maybe have a bath and a lie down, my stomach is still off." She picked up her bag. "I just..." She paused and looked at me. "I want to be alone for a while."

My jaw clenched and my stomach dropped to the soles of my feet. I stepped back, biting my bottom lip to stop myself from begging her to reconsider.

_Idiot, idiot, fucking idiot..._

"K," I muttered with a resigned nod.

She walked past me towards the stairs, taking them slowly before disappearing towards our room at the top. I rubbed my hands down my face and cursed myself for being such an arrogant prick. Why did I think I could behave in such a way? Had I learned nothing after the contract situation just over a year ago?

I dragged my sorry ass back to the sofa and dropped down with a huge thump, kicking the coffee table as I did in frustration. I never imagined for one moment that I would hurt her as much as I clearly had. I honestly thought I was doing her a favour.

The day that she had finally allowed me to read her script she had been sick in bed with food poisoning. It was only three days ago, we had been in London to promote my New-York-cop film and she had eaten some shrimp that made her violently ill for all of the five days that we were there. It was so bad that, after I begged her, Jane called for a doctor to give her a shot to help her stomach.

In her lucid, crappy state, I had finally persuaded her to let me read the script that she had finished two weeks before. It was on her lap top and as she slept, I read it, finishing it in less than ninety minutes. I knew she was shy about her work, unnecessarily so, but my promise that it would be between us, slipped my mind entirely when I sent it, attached to an email, to Alec.

It was a fantastic piece of work, gritty, raw and a complete page turner. I loved it and could see myself in the supporting role of the protagonist's alcoholic uncle. I'd even created a back story for him in my head. It drew me in entirely and her natural talent blew me away. I was so proud of her anyway but my pride for my wife grew ten-fold the minute I finished it.

I sighed and glanced at the clock.

She had been up stairs for forty minutes and I ached for her terribly and not because I hadn't made love to her for over a week but because she wasn't near me. I had to make this shit right. I knew it would take her a while to forgive my broken promise but I could at least make things right with Alec. I stood up, grabbed another beer from the fridge and pulled my cell from my pocket, pressing call when I found Alec's number.

"Edward, how are you? I was just talking about you, well, your wife actually."

_Shitshitshitshit..._

"Oh really," I replied, rubbing my index finger nervously across my eyebrow. "And why's that?"

"I mentioned that fantastic script to Peter Wallace and he wants me to send it through. Would that be ok?"

"NO!" I yelled down the phone.

I heard him gasp at the other end.

"I mean, shit, sorry, Alec, but could you just hold off doing that for a couple of days? Bella, isn't exactly...thrilled that I gave it to you. I promised that it would stay between us two and...well, she's fucking pissed if you wanna know the truth and I'm kinda trying to build some bridges here."

"Ah," he said knowingly. "No problem, Edward."

"Thanks," I sighed in relief.

"If it's any consolation, Peter seemed really interested in the story."

"Yeah?" I smiled down the phone feeling my pride rise up through me again. "That's great. I'll mention it to Bella and I'll get back to you, ok?"

"Sounds good, Edward. Take care."

"You too."

I ended the call and pushed it back into my jeans pocket, still having no clue how I was going to make this up to Bella. I slinked back to my spot on the sofa and kicked my feet up; flicking the TV to a sports channel that Emmett never shut the fuck up about.

Baseball, nice.

I had been watching the tube for an hour and a half and I was just fucking itching to go up to my wife and plead for forgiveness. I knew that that would be a stupid idea and that she needed her space but dammit if I didn't miss the hell out of her, even when she was in the next fucking room.

Slouching back on the couch with my hands behind my head, no doubt looking like a miserable motherfucker, I suddenly felt a strange vibration in the heels of my feet that were resting on my table.

"What the fuck?" I muttered, frowning at my toes, before the lights in the entire house flickered as the entire thing began to shake with a loud rumble. I turned the TV off and listened.

_Earthquake._

I sat forward, keeping my ass firmly in my seat, watching as a couple of pictures of my wife and I fell off the wall into the floor with a loud clatter.

_Fuck, Bella!_

She hated earthquakes. They scared her to death. She had no clue where her insane fear came from, much like people who were claustrophobic or suffered from arachnophobia, but she had once told me that it was the only reason she could ever think of to leave LA.

"Edward? Edward?"

My heart squeezed at the sound of her voice, knowing that I really shouldn't move to her until the quake was over.

"Stay where you are, baby," I shouted as the lights flickered again and again. "You hear me? Don't move I'll come to you."

"Ok," she called back.

"I'm here, Bella. Hang on."

The shaking must have only lasted twenty seconds but, being away from Bella, it felt like forever. The lights continued to flicker before they eventually went off altogether, plunging the house into complete darkness. I paused for no more than ten seconds to make sure that the quake had finished before lifting myself carefully off of my seat, lighting the way to the stairs with my cell screen.

"Bella," I called as I ascended cautiously.

"I'm here," she said gently from her place in our bedroom doorway.

"Sweetheart," I sighed in relief. "Are you ok?"

I allowed myself to rub the top of her arm, not knowing whether our argument was still applicable in the current circumstances and felt my heart beat hard when she threw herself into my chest, wrapping her arms around me tightly.

"Yeah, I'm ok," she answered she mumbled into my t-shirt. "Do you think it's over?"

"I don't know," I replied with a shrug. "The power's probably out over the whole city. It was a good three pointer."

"I hate them," she whispered as she looked up at me with a glaze of fear in her eyes.

"I know, baby. I'm here. Come on." I took her hand and led her down the stairs behind me

I wandered to the mains box of the house in the garage to check for any damage before turning the gas off in the kitchen. Glancing out of the French windows, we immediately saw that the entire city was in darkness. I placed Bella on the sofa kneeling in front of her.

"I'm going to grab some candles, baby ok? I won't be far."

She nodded and tucked her knees up to her chest. I leaned over her and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Still using my cell to light my way, I managed to find a bundle of twenty emergency, free-standing candles that Alice had bought me years ago muttering the phrase, "you just never know." I grabbed a box of matches, two glasses and a bottle of Amaretto to calm Bella's nerves.

I scattered the candles around the shelves of the sitting room and along the breakfast bar, glancing occasionally at her, seeing that her eyes never left me. I lit them all one by one until the whole sitting room was covered in candlelight. I kneeled down by the table and poured us both a drink.

"Here," I said as I offered her the glass. "This will help."

She was taking a small sip when my cell phone began ringing.

"Hey Mom," I said calmly down the phone. "Are you and Dad ok?" 

"Yes, we're fine here," she replied with a small sigh of relief. "We have no power. How are you two? Is Bella ok?"

"Yeah she's ok," I answered, smiling gently at my wife. "We have no power here either. I'm sure it won't be long though. Have you spoken to Alice?"

"Yes, she's at home with Jasper."

"Ok, good. We're just gonna hang tight here. I'll speak to you later"

"Ok, sweetheart. Love you and love to Bella."

"Love you too, same to Dad. Bye."

I ended the call and was surprised to see Bella's hand as she took the phone from me.

"I'd better text _my_ mom and dad," she muttered. "Mom will be just…freaking out."

I smiled and nodded, keeping my seat on the floor. I took a moment to look at her properly as she text, now that I knew she was safe. Her hair was piled on her head with small tendrils falling lose around her ears. She was wearing a white t-shirt and…_holy fuck_…a pair of shorts that looked suspiciously like the same shorts that she wore with one of my shirts - one particular night - while sitting on the edge of my pool.

I cleared my throat and focused on my drink.

_Jesus Christ…_

I looked up at her as she placed the phone back on the table.

"All done?" I asked.

She nodded and picked up her drink, averting her eyes from mine while she sipped.

_Yep, still pissed…fucking fabulous…_

I exhaled down my nose and chewed on the inside of my bottom lip instead of letting the word vomit out that was making its way, quite nicely, up the back of my throat. I hated tense silences. Hated them. I knew she was upset and I knew I deserved it but fuck, I fucking hated tense silences.

I glanced up at her to see her looking right at me.

"What?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing," she replied with a small shrug.

I nodded before rubbing the bridge of my nose.

"Bella," I sighed. "If I stayed here, on my knees, for eternity, admitting what a fucking idiot I was to break my promise and hurt you the way I have and then apologise over and over, would it make _any_ difference to how much you hate me right now. _At all_?"

She shook her head. "I don't hate you, Edward."

"Well, thank fuck for that, although you really should. I mean, I would hate me, if I were you."

"Then why did you do it, other than the reasons that you gave before?"

I ran my hands through my hair. "I just…"

She raised an eyebrow at me and pursed her lips.

"Because I'm a fucking arrogant prick who thinks he knows better than his beautiful, talented, sexy wife." I shrugged and raised my eyebrows in apology.

My heart leapt when I saw the edges of her mouth twitch ever so slightly.

"What have I told you about compliments, Cullen?" She eyed me suspiciously over the rim of her glass.

"That you love them?" I offered.

I ducked quickly as a pillow came barrelling hard at my head.

"Ok, ok," I surrendered with my palms up. "No more compliments."

She sniffed, rolling her eyes at me and leaned over to grab the bottle of Amaretto. I placed my hand over hers just before she picked it up. The feel of her skin under mine still took my breath away.

"I am sorry, Bella," I whispered. "I am really, really fucking sorry."

I looked at her, hoping to God that she saw that I meant it, that I knew what a fucking douche I had been to do what I had, that I hated that I had hurt her and her being away from me because of that hurt

"I know," she answered simply as she picked the bottle up, pouring a large measure in her glass.

"Oh," I replied lamely as I watched her.

I knew I probably shouldn't but I could feel myself starting to get pissed with her.

I mean, what the fuck did she want – _blood_?

"So, if you know," I asked, swirling my glass around. "Then why do I still get the Isabella Cullen silent treatment?"

"What do you want me to say, Edward?" she growled with her palms up in exasperation.

"Fuck, I don't know, Bella," I replied while rubbing my palm across my forehead. "Tell me you think I'm a prick, a fucking dickhead, whatever. Just say fucking _something_ for God's sake, you're driving me crazy here!"

"Is that so?" she asked, placing her glass on the table.

"Yes," I answered firmly. "Hit me, scream at me but don't fucking block me out and ignore me. I hate it."

"Fair enough," she said calmly as she shuffled to the edge of the couch. "You are a prick and a fucking dickhead."

I looked at her in shock, blinking at her words.

_Well, fuck…_

"Um…ok," I croaked before clearing my throat. "See, I feel better already, especially since my wife thinks I'm a prick." I picked up the bottle of Amaretto and poured myself another drink.

"You're unbelievable," she spat as she slumped back in her seat.

"What now?"

"You are what! You told me to say that to you and now you're all pouty and shit."

"I don't fucking pout."

"Yes you do fucking pout. Look at you." She pointed at my face, "Pouter."

I exhaled down my nose hard and licked my lips, suddenly extremely conscious of my apparent pouting.

"Whatever," I retorted maturely and took a long sip of my drink.

We sat in silence for another ten minutes. The hem on the bottom of my jeans suddenly became really fucking exciting. I was about to blow a fuse as the silence became louder and louder. I swear I had ADD or OCD or some other acronym shit deficiency. I just couldn't sit and take the quiet anymore so I picked up my cell and turned on the playlist named '_Mrs. Cullen_.'

I smiled to myself as Kings of Leon, '_Sex on Fire_,' started playing, humming to myself while tapping the beat with my fingertips on the edge of the table.

'_Head while I'm drivin', I'm drivin'_._'_

My mind immediately wandered to when I had first bought my Viper and taken Bella for a drive where she had done just that, remembering seeing her head bobbing up and down in my lap as I did eighty on the freeway made my heart slam in my chest.

Fuck that was one, incredible fucking orgasm.

I shifted my ass on the floor; as my cock became wide awake, before finishing my glass of liqueur.

Not right now, dude, I warned my dick as it strained against my jeans. Now is _not_ a good time to want some.

Two more glasses of Amaretto each and five songs later and Van Morrison's '_Have I told you lately?"_ started playing. I sighed and swallowed as I glanced at my wife who was pretending to be inspecting her finger nails.

She would never be an actress that was for damn sure.

I dropped my glass resolutely onto the table and got up onto my feet, feeling a little wobbly but nonetheless upright. I walked over to the sofa and held my hand out. Bella looked at it in mock curiosity.

"What?" she asked as she looked at me.

"Dance with me," I replied, looking down at my palm and then back at her.

She scoffed and shook her head sharply. "No."

"Isabella, dance with me."

"Edward, no."

"Why?"

"Because I'm still pissed at you."

"Yeah, but I want to dance with my wife by candlelight."

"Mmhm, very smooth," she retorted with narrow eyes, lifting her glass to her lips.

Before it reached them I grabbed it from her, put it on the table and yanked her into my arms, crushing her to my chest so that we were nose to nose, her feet at least a foot off the floor.

"Shut up and dance with your husband," I growled, smiling inside when I felt her breath accelerate against my face all almond and strawbella.

"Don't talk to me like that," she said all low and breathy. "I don't like it."

I watched as the same fire I had seen that afternoon sparked wildly behind her eyes.

_Fuck yes…_

"Is that so?" I asked as I dropped her slowly so she was standing on my feet, making sure that she felt every inch of my body against hers as I did.

I grabbed her left hand in my right, pulled her tighter against me and started moving slowly from side to side. She resisted at first, standing like a plank of wood but soon she was moving with me, our mouths inches apart, hot breath blowing between us.

_Fuck, I was so hard…_

I let my eyes drift over her face from her hair line to her chin, watching as the candlelight danced across her alabaster skin.

"Stop it," she whispered.

"Stop what," I asked with a smirk as I glued my gaze to her lips that she licked with the small tip of her tongue.

"Stop looking at me like that," she replied.

"I'm just looking at you like I always do, baby," I said softly, rubbing my palm down from the small of her back to the upper curve of her backside. She stopped my hand with her own, narrowing her eyes in warning.

"No, you're not," she countered. "I know that look and I'll be damned if it's going to work this time."

I leaned her back, holding her with my palm between her shoulder blades. She gasped and squeezed my hand and my arm for fear that she would fall.

"I have no idea what you mean, Bella," I whispered. I stood us both upright and continued to slow dance with her around the room.

"Mmhm," she hummed. "Well, just so you know. Giving me the sex eyes and the panty wetting smirk does not get you back into my good books or my shorts."

I smiled down at her, pausing briefly. "I have a panty wetting smirk?"

"Oh please, Cullen," she scoffed. "Now is not the time to ask me to stroke your ego."

I cupped the back of her neck with my hand and slid my palm against her skin. "I would never ask you to stroke my ego," I deadpanned. "My cock maybe but not my ego."

She twisted her lips tightly against each other in a futile attempt to stop herself smiling. It didn't work.

"Fucker," she muttered under her breath with a shake of her head.

"You know it, baby," I replied with a wiggle of my eyebrows.

"I hate that I can't stay mad at you no matter how mad I get," she murmured as she looked down at her feet.

I stopped dancing and raised her chin up using my index finger.

"As long as you know how sorry I am, Bella, you can stay mad at me for as long as you need to."

She took in a deep breath as she looked between my eyes then to my mouth. Christ I wanted to kiss the hell out of her and then fuck her on the coffee table.

"I _am_ sorry," I repeated. "And I love you. _So much_."

_Christ I physically ached for her…_

"You hurt me, Edward," she whispered, looking up at me with her wide chocolate eyes that seared right into my fucking soul, "A lot."

"I know," I conceded with a slow nod. "It was insensitive and wrong of me to break your trust like that, even if my intentions _were_ good."

She sighed and dropped her head to the side. "Edward, I know deep down you meant well, I do, but you can't just do things like that. I am…flattered that you thought so much of my work but seriously…just…don't do it again."

I shook my head. "I won't, Bella."

She dropped her head again. I exhaled and released her hand and back, cupping her face in my palms.

"You do believe me, right?" I asked, feeling a small twinge of panic nestle in the centre of my chest.

She nodded.

"Do you love me?"

I know it was a pathetically insecure and fucking ridiculous thing to ask, she was my wife after all, but a part of me, the small six year old, lost part of me, that I would never fully be rid of, needed to hear the words.

"More than my own life," she whispered, running her finger tips across my heart.

I sucked in a breath and smiled.

"Thank you for looking after me tonight," she added, gripping my sides with her hands.

"Oh Bella," I sighed, leaning my forehead against hers. "You don't have to thank me. It's my job to look after you."

She nodded against me again. I lifted my head back and looked at my beautiful wife, who I knew was far too fucking good, for a motherfucker like me.

"Am I forgiven?"

She nodded again.

"Can I kiss you now?" I asked softly, grazing my thumb over her bottom lip.

She smiled and blinked slowly. "Please," she answered.

I leaned down to her and captured her lips and the long breath that left her as our mouths met. Fuck, she tasted so good. At first the kiss was soft, languid until her hands travelled into my hair and gripped me and I lost all fucking sense and decorum. I moaned loudly into her and lifted her to me, groaning again when I felt her legs wrap around my waist.

"Fuck, baby, I missed you," I growled into her cheek, before moving back to her mouth.

She kissed me back, hard and hungry, her tongue licking at mine.

_Yes, baby, __fucking consume me. I am yours…_

I pulled from her lips and bent down so that I could lick her neck, nibbling and pinching at her soft skin, smiling against her as she whimpered into my hair. Our mouths met again, only hot breath and dampness between us. I ran my hands under her t-shirt, across her back, tracing her delicate spine under my fingers. She arched against me, pressing her heat into my stomach.

"Bella," I moaned as she nibbled my ear lobe.

"Mmhm."

"I need…fuck, I need…to be inside you."

Her pausing was punctuated by the silence between songs on my cell phone.

She pulled back with a wicked glint in her eyes. "You do?"

"Jesus Christ, Bella, you have no fucking idea how much I need to feel you wrapped around me, right now."

She smiled and ran her hands through my hair. "Put me down, baby," she purred in my ear, making my eyes roll back in my head.

Begrudgingly, I did what she asked and grunted as her hand cupped my cock through my jeans.

"So hard," she whispered, gripping me gently.

"It's all for you, beautiful."

She smiled again, her eyes never leaving mine and began to unbuckle my jeans, pulling them down aggressively with my underwear, dropping to her knees as the denim hit the floor.

"Holy shit," I moaned as she looked up at me and winked.

"Is this what you want?"

I nodded with my mouth hanging open like a fucking idiot. "Please."

"Tell me when you're close, baby."

And with that, she swallowed the entire length of my cock; sucking like a fucking vacuum and making me groan loud enough that the whole fucking street must have heard me.

"Oh…my…God," I grunted as she licked and sucked me, gripping my ass to bring me closer to her.

I ripped my t-shirt over my head so that I could see her properly and fuck me sideways if she didn't look freaking spectacular bathed in candlelight with her glorious lips wrapped around my dick.

_Fuck, I love my wife…_

I groaned as her palm captured my balls and squeezed and massaged them the way she knew would send my orgasm hurtling through my body, especially after eight days of not being inside her.

"Uh, Bella," I panted as I gritted my teeth together. "It's getting closer, baby."

That was an understatement. The speed at which my orgasm moved through my body nearly took my breath way.

She hummed along my length and sucked harder, winding her tongue around the tip.

"Fuck, fuck, just like that…oh yeah."

I could feel my back start to tense and my thrusts into her mouth were starting to get sharper as my dick grew impossibly hard inside her warm mouth.

"You're gonna make me cum," I moaned as my head lolled to the side so I could watch her better. "Keep going, Bella, fuck, yes..."

She hummed again and then, fuck it all to hell if she didn't suddenly pull back, leaving my cock, hard as titanium, wet and aching.

"Wh-…what?" I stuttered. I blinked through the blur that was covering my eyes.

My orgasm retreated as fast as it appeared, leaving me almost breathless. My first instinct was that she had stopped because I had hurt her in some way.

"Are you alright?" I asked between pants.

"Oh I'm fine," she replied, licking her lips and moving her hair off of her shoulders. "How are _you_?"

I stared at her incredulously. "I'm…I'm…" I rubbed my face. "I'm wondering why the hell you're mouth's so far away from me, to be honest."

She laughed lightly and clicked her tongue. "Silly, Edward," she chimed.

She stood back up in front of me and trailed her pointer finger all the way up the underside of my cock making me hiss through my teeth.

"Do you really think you _get off_ so easy?"

The double meaning in her words was not lost on me at all, even in my almost orgasm state. "I…I…"

"You don't cum until _I_ say so." She kissed the right side of my mouth. "You don't get to be inside me until _I_ say so." She kissed the left. "And you cannot touch yourself."

…_the fuck?_

"Bella," I moaned as she licked my neck all the way up to my jaw.

"That is your punishment," she whispered against my skin. "And I think I'm being very lenient."

_Lenient?!__ Christ on a fucking donkey, give me the silent treatment again! Anything but this!_

I gaped at her, stunned to see a mischievous smirk dance over her beautiful mouth.

"Baby," I whimpered. "I...I said I was sorry."

"I know," she answered, nuzzling my jaw. "Now sit your ass down on the sofa."

I sighed and tried to give her my Puss in Boots eyes but dammit all to hell she wasn't for giving in. I bent down to grab my jeans to pull them back on but was stopped by Bella's foot on top of them.

"Ah, ah," she warned. "I want you naked."

_And I want your mouth on my cock but hell; I'm shit out of luck too..._

"Naked?" I questioned with a cocked eyebrow.

"Mmhm," she replied, leading me to the sofa and pushing me down.

Before I could ask why or even take a fucking breath she was straddling my thighs, gripping my wrists, stretching my arms across the back of the couch. I moaned in the back of my throat as she shuffled in such a way that she rubbed her pussy along my dick that was still desperately hard.

"Fuck," I breathed as I tried to lean forward and kiss her.

She pulled back, sitting her ass flush against my thighs. "Now, be good, Edward," she warned with a smile

"Bella," I repeated. "Seriously, baby, is this really necessary?"

She cocked a sexy little eyebrow and licked her lips while dragging her fingernails down my chest. I arched and grunted as she did.

"Yes, it is very necessary," she answered. "I have had six glasses of Amaretto and I'm feeling good."

"I'm so glad," I muttered with a long breath. "But I hate being naked without you."

She laughed lightly. "But, sweetheart, I can't be naked while I dance for you."

_Holy mother of God..._

"D-...dance for me?"

"Mm," she hummed as she leaned down to kiss my right nipple. "Would you like that?"

"Fuck yes," I groaned, leaning my head back against the back of the sofa.

"But you keep your hands here," she instructed, squeezing my forearms. "If you don't..." she ground her hips against me again, "party's over."

"Ok," I mumbled, utterly amazed that my throat was lubricated enough to speak.

She pecked my nose and rose from me, picking up my cell phone and flicking through.

"Perfect," she said with a grin.

She placed it back on the table, grabbed her glass, emptied it into her mouth and then looked at me as the music started.

I couldn't help but smile as the opening guitar rife of Lenny Kravitz '_Are you gonna go my way?_' burst from my cell. The smile was quickly interrupted by pursed lips and a long breath as I watched Bella start to rub her hands up the sides of her body while moving her hips from side to side.

My cock sat up even straighter to watch the show with me.

I gripped the back of the sofa and groaned as she turned her back to me, glancing over her shoulder while smirking. Her ass was fucking sensational, moving fluidly as she lifted her arms above her head. How she saw herself as anything other than liquid sex, I had no fucking idea.

"Do you like my ass, baby?" she asked as she rubbed her palms down it.

"Like it? Dammit, Bella, I want to fucking worship it," I growled, shifting in my seat as she bent her legs and rotated her hips again. "I want to fuck you there."

"Mm, that sounds good," she purred as she moved towards me.

_Fuck, yeah it did..._

We had, much to my fucking delight, had anal sex many times since our honeymoon and each time it was incredible. We had both grown in confidence when we did it, which made it even hotter. The shorts that were currently wrapped around her perky behind, as she moved slowly and gracefully in front of me, were taunting me and my cock like crazy. I needed to feel her so much it hurt.

She moved closer again, moving her hands to the clip in her hair before letting it fall down around her shoulders like a chocolate waterfall. I gasped as my dick twitched in appreciation; either that or it was trying to remove itself from my body to get nearer to her.

"You're beautiful," I whispered.

"You too," she replied, sucking on the tip of her finger as she looked at my crotch.

I lolled my head back, feeling my fingertips start to throb as I gripped the fabric of the sofa tightly.

"Bella, you're killing me, baby," I moaned.

"Not yet," she answered.

I watched slack jawed, as she grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it up and over her head, showing her pale pink bra. She threw the fabric at me and rubbed her palms leisurely over her soft stomach. I could see every twist of her body, every muscle that she used as she danced and gyrated in front of me. She was like poetry in motion.

She ground her hips lower to the ground, rubbing the tops of her thighs as she did.

"I can feel your hands on me," she moaned as she rubbed her palms over her breasts.

"Please, Bella," I pleaded, moving my arms slightly. "I want you so badly."

My cock was throbbing, glistening in the candlelight.

"I know," she answered with lust filled eyes.

I could see her perfect dark nipples pushing against her bra and found my mouth salivating at the thought of sucking and licking them until she begged me not to. It suddenly struck me how much I had missed her body. Since she had started being sick in London, eight days ago, we had only hugged and kissed, which had been fine, but seeing her so raw, passionate and sexy in front of me, I realised that if I didn't have her - and soon - then I would go fucking mad.

I tried to concentrate on my breathing, willing my body to calm down. The moment she said the word I would be on her and it wouldn't be soft or gentle, it would be hard, rough and quick.

She lifted up from her low crouch on the floor and reached back to unclasp her bra. I groaned deeply when she revealed her gorgeous tits to me and moved my arms more when she began touching and cupping them, rubbing her thumbs over her peaks.

"So perfect," I breathed, biting down on my lip as the urge to grab her and have my way with her crept further up my body.

She dropped her head back shaping her hands against her sternum in a perfect arrow shape, sliding down to her belly button, to her stomach, towards her pussy. We both moaned when her hands reached their destination.

"Holy shit," I muttered, leaning forward in my seat.

"Edward," she whispered as her tongue snuck out and slid across her lips.

"Yes, Bella," I choked, moving my hands down the sides of the back of the sofa until my palms were pressed into the cushions by my thighs.

I watched as she moved her fingers in small circles above the exact place her clit was, mewing and breathing heavily, the dancing forgotten.

"Edward...I..."

"Yes, baby, anything, Bella, fuck, just tell me." My voice was hoarse and my fists were clenched at my sides.

"I want you."

I was off my seat and on my knees in front of her before she even finished her sentence. I gripped her wrist and pulled her hand away from where she was still rubbing, burying my nose and my mouth against the fabric of her shorts.

Fuck me, she was drenched.

I gripped her hips as she groaned and grabbed my hair as I shook my head from side to side, too damn impatient to move the shorts out of the way.

"Fuck, Edward, yes!" she called out, thrusting herself towards me. She smelled so good, as I pushed my face further into her.

"Cum," I ordered with my mouth still glued to her. She groaned loudly as the vibration of my voice ran up her body, making her back arch and her hands grip me harder, "Fucking cum!"

"_Oh God_..._Oh God_...EDWARD!"

Her hips bucked and her cries of pleasure echoed around the dark house as I continued rubbing my nose and mouth against her. She was panting and gasping, moaning my name and her love for me.

But I wasn't done with her. Not by a long shot.

I looked up at her and smiled before grabbing the waistband of her shorts and pulled them as hard as I could. Thank fuck they were thin material. They ripped easily along the left side, leaving her thigh bare and eventually gave from her body as I pulled again.

"Baby," she groaned.

"Now, Bella," I ordered.

I turned slightly, still on my knees and knocked everything that was on the coffee table onto the floor. She gasped but I didn't give her time to say anything as I spun her around and pushed her, back first, onto it. I lifted her legs onto my shoulders, the table the perfect height for me to stay kneeling on the floor and slammed into her.

"Holy fucking Christ, Bella!" I cried as her wet, tight heat engulfed me.

Jesus it had been so long!

"Oh my God! Fuck me, Edward!"

I pulled my hips back and drove into her, harder than I think I ever had before. She screamed in pleasure, holding onto the sides of the table as I did it again.

"So good, Bella, so…fucking…good." I thrust into her with every word that grunted out of my mouth.

"More! Please more, Edward!"

Still inside her, I grabbed her hands and pulled her up to me, her legs dropping to the crooks of my elbows. The position let me plunge even deeper. She smashed her lips to mine, shoving her tongue into my mouth as I drove into her again and again. It felt goddamn incredible but my orgasm teetered waiting for her to cum first.

"Fuck, Bella, I can't get close enough. Jesus!" I wrapped my arms around her, holding her to my chest while I bit down on her shoulder as she licked my neck.

"Again!" she cried into my ear as her nails clawed down my back.

I bit her again, feeling her pussy clench around me so tight, I couldn't help but cry out. Not knowing where the hell my strength came from, I lifted from my knees, picking her up with me and slammed her against the wall.

"Yes, Edward! More, baby, I need more of you."

With her legs gripping my waist, I thrust up into her over and over again, licking her breasts and groaning every time she pulled my hair. It was aggressive, needy and so fucking hot my brain was almost liquefied. I felt her thighs clench me at the same time her pussy did and smiled against her mouth that was pressed open with mine, knowing that she was close.

"Are you gonna cum for me, Bella?" I panted before sucking her tongue into my mouth.

"Yes…yes, so close. Fuck!"

I gripped her ass and pounded her, gritting my teeth as the sweat began running down my face.

"Uh…I…love you," she moaned, her eyes searing into mine as her whole body tensed and then exploded around me, "Edward, Edward…oh God!"

"Yes, my Bella, fuck, beautiful," I grunted. "I love you. Oh fuck, I love you so much!"

With one last drive I came so hard that my knees shook.

I gripped onto the wall as best I could so that I didn't fall as I tried to ride it out as long as possible, but the power of it drained every piece of energy that I had, leaving me gasping and weak.

It was like nothing I had ever felt before.

A warmth, like nothing else covered my body from head to foot, leaving goose flesh all over my skin.

"Christ…Christ, goddamn it woman," I panted into her neck as I felt her soft kisses along my shoulder.

"Incredible," she whispered as she pulled my mouth to hers and kissed me softly. "You're incredible. I love you."

My arms were wobbly as I pulled back from the wall, my wife still wrapped around me. I dropped onto the couch and sighed into her hair as she tucked her head under my chin. We sat in the quiet candlelight, breathing deeply. I couldn't help the shit eating grin that covered my face as the warmth and after glow of the best sex of my life settled deep inside my stomach.

"Never," I whispered with a slow shake of my head.

"I know," she answered as she wound her fingers into the hair on my chest. "That was…"

She lifted her face to mine and smiled lazily. Her face was flushed; her hair wild and she looked so fucking beautiful my chest expanded.

"I know," I replied with a smirk. "I love you."

As our lips met the lights in the house flickered to life, the hum of the electric filling the silence.

We looked around ourselves.

I couldn't help but laugh at the mess of glasses, drink mats, magazines, my cell and TV controls that littered the floor from where I had thrown everything. Bella smirked as she nodded towards her shorts.

"I'd say I was sorry," I said with a chuckle as I stared at the ruined piece of fabric. "But it would be a bare faced fucking lie."

"And I wouldn't accept it either," she retorted. "It was so, so just…mmm."

"Did it feel different for you?" I asked quietly. "Like…was it…"

"Intense?" she asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Yeah," I answered, "_So_ intense."

"My bones feel like jello," she said with a small giggle and snort.

"Mine too," I agreed as I blew air through my cheeks.

She smiled and dipped her head to kiss my heart.

"Are we good, baby?" I asked softly as I skimmed my finger tips down the side of her face.

"We're good," she replied with a slow blink. "I think our make up sex should be packaged and patented."

I laughed. "I agree with you there, sweetheart."

I cupped her face and kissed her gently, breathing in the long sigh that left her.

This woman, my Bella, my wife was my entire world and as we kissed warm and tender, caressing softly, I knew, deep down in my soul that what we had shared, had changed us and our love irrevocably.

**Holy table-wall sex, Batman!**

**I'll be in the shower cooling off!**

**Leave me love :)**

**TTFN x x x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys!!**

**Thank you so much for the amazing reviews and feedback for these outtakes – I've been blown away.**

**You're all amazing!**

**A fuck with Edward against the wall for each and every one of you!**

**Love to my Cherub girls, Rachel, Vic and Kristen – you're all fab girls – I love ya ganzabillions and then some! (6 days bb!! NY here we come!)**

**A little emotional this one…I have tried to keep the medical stuff as realistic as I could – apologies if that is not the case…**

**See you on the other side with tissues and baby booties…**

**A Love like No Other – The Birth of Mini-C**

I never thought through love we'd be  
Making one as lovely as she  
But isn't she lovely made from love.

**Stevie Wonder **

**EPOV**

"I'm sorry."

"Baby, its fine. Stop apologising."

"But this is the third time."

"Well," I shrugged as I suppressed a huge fucking yawn, "Like Dr Hawkins said; these things happen."

I placed Bella's hospital bag on the floor as we walked in through the front door and turned to her. I cupped my palms on the sides of my wife's face and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips.

"She'll come when she's ready," I soothed as I gently pulled her against me.

She chuckled lightly into my chest. "Yeah, she just needs to be less indecisive and make her mind up already. She's already too much like her father."

I laughed into her hair and breathed her in. It was 3AM and we had been at the hospital since seven the previous night. Bella had been having small contractions on and off for the past two weeks but last night, after an hour of progressively stronger, although painless, contractions, she thought it was the real deal.

'_Operation Mini-C'_ was, once again, quickly in effect.

Dr Hawkins, Bella's OB/GYN, who was also now my own personal hero, explained that these contractions and 'twinges' were very common the closer we got to the due date – which was three weeks away - but it didn't help stop Bella's incessant apologies.

"Your mom wasn't mad was she?"

"Bella stop," I said with a sigh.

I looked down at her and shook my head slowly. She looked tired but still devastatingly beautiful.

"Mom is more excited about the arrival than all of us put together, including my damn sister so no, she wasn't mad, she just wants to make sure you're both ok." I tucked her hair behind her ear.

My mom and dad had arrived at the hospital just after midnight and had stayed until we left. Alice, thank God, had been flying back from New York with Jasper so the squeals of excitement were kept to a minimum.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked as I flicked on the kitchen lights.

"Sprite," she said as she rubbed her hands across her stomach.

I chuckled and grabbed a bottle from the fridge that was fast becoming a Sprite/cold Chinese food/mango yogurt storage unit.

"Black bean noodles?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow as I held the box towards her.

She bit her lip and frowned at my hand. "Um...I really shouldn't-...ok."

She grabbed it from me with a small blush and took the fork that I held out for her in the other hand. I grabbed one of the vegetable rolls that were piled at the right side of the fridge shelf for me and turned back to see Bella, sitting on the breakfast bar stool, sucking up the noodles like a damn vacuum.

"Hungry baby?" I asked as I pulled my cap off my bottle of water.

"Mmhm," she managed with an ecstatic roll of her eyes.

I laughed lightly and continued to watch my exceedingly pregnant wife finish a box of noodles in record time.

We cleaned up, once the box was 'definitely empty' and wandered slowly up the stairs to bed. She sat down with a soft thump as I crouched down in front of her so that I could pull off her shoes for her, as well as her pants. I moved the sheets down so that she could snuggle into bed and I threw all my clothes, save for my boxers on the floor, too tired to fucking caring if I was making a mess and hurried under the covers, spooning my wife and rubbing my hand lovingly across our daughter.

~*~

_**7 months earlier...**_

"_Bella, are you sure you're ok?"_

"_I'm fine, just go on without me. I'll meet you in the car," she replied through the bathroom door._

"_Not gonna happen, baby. I'll just wait here."_

_I sat myself on the edge of the bed and stared at the doorway, wishing to hell that my eight-year-old-birthday-candle-wish of x-ray vision had worked, so I could see what the hell my wife was doing._

_There was something wrong and I was worried._

_She'd been 'off' for a while. At first I thought that it was a little nervous excitement for our anniversary trip and that she'd be fine once we arrived - but that had been four days ago and there had been little change in her. She was quiet and a little withdrawn. She seemed tense when I hugged her and we were yet to make love since we landed in Sicily._

_Yep, I was definitely fucking worried._

"_Bella, please, sweetheart," I called again while rubbing an anxious hand down my face._

_I heard shuffling and what sounded like a light thump against the door. Puzzled, I stood and walked over to it, placing my palm on the wood._

"_Baby," I whispered loud enough that she could hear me. "You're scaring me. What's wrong?"_

_I heard the same shuffle and another light thump._

"_What is that noise?" I asked loudly._

"_My head," she replied, "banging against the door."_

"_Why the hell are you doing that? Ya know, forget it. Open the door."_

"_Edward, I..."_

"_Isabella Cullen, open the door." I knocked with my left knuckles and twisted the door knob in my right, even though I knew it was locked. "Seriously, I will break the fucker down. Open the door!"_

"_Don't Edward!" she called back._

"_On the count of three, I'm comin' in!"_

"_Edward!"_

"_One!"_

_There was silence._

"_Two!"_

_Still nothing. I swallowed as I thought about busting into my own bathroom like a crazed lunatic._

"_Three!"_

_The lock clicked and the door opened slowly. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that she seemed ok, standing looking exquisite in her new dress that I had bought her for the dinner that we were now five minutes late for._

"_Are you trying to put my ass in an early grave?" I asked, leaning my forearm against the frame of the door._

_She shook her head and bit her lip as she dropped her gaze to the floor._

_I stepped towards her and lifted her chin with my index fingers, staring intently at her, desperate for her to open up and speak to me. She took a deep shaky breath and licked her lips._

"_I'm late."_

"_What's wrong?"_

_We spoke at the same time, easing the tension minutely._

"_Sorry," she muttered._

_I smiled at her and rolled my eyes._

"_You first," I said as I rubbed my palms down her arms, clasping her hands in mine._

_She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes making it look more like a grimace of pain. She exhaled and her lip was suddenly wedged back firmly between her teeth. Using my thumb, I pulled it out again, grabbed her wrists gently and led her to the bed where I sat her down next to me. I pushed the hair from her shoulder and placed a gentle kiss on the skin that was showing._

"_I love you," I whispered against her as I moved my mouth up towards her neck. "I love you more than life itself, Bella." I kissed her throat. "I would kill for you, die for you."_

_She gasped when my tongue flicked her jaw line. _

_I sat back up and gazed at her. "You're everything to me, sweetheart and whatever it is you're upset about, angry about, pissed about, I swear to you I'll try and fix it. Just talk to me."_

_Her eyes instantly became wet and her chin shook slightly._

_Ok, really fucking worried..._

"_Baby," I murmured as I pulled her to me._

_She buried her face in my neck and flung her arms around me._

"_Edward, I love you so much."_

"_I know you do," I whispered into her hair. "Just tell me what's going on. What are you feeling right now?"_

"_I'm scared," she mumbled into my dinner jacket._

"_Why are you scared, beautiful?"_

"_I'm scared...because I don't know what you'll say when I tell you...what I have to tell you..."_

_Christ the thoughts that started running through my head ranged from the extreme to the fucking ridiculous. Was she ill? Had something happened to her that I wasn't aware of? Had someone hurt her?_

_I took a deep breath and lifted her face from my shoulder._

"_Whatever it is, baby, we'll deal with it together, ok?"_

_She sniffed and nodded slowly. "Ok."_

"_Ok."_

"_Edward..."_

"_Bella..."_

"_I think I'm pregnant."_

~*~

I rolled over to find Bella's side of the bed empty. I sat up quickly and looked at the alarm clock.

11:16AM.

Sweet Jesus I must have been exhausted.

I threw the covers back and made my way to the bathroom, had a quick shower and set off down the stairs. Bella was sitting on the sofa watching Sunday morning cartoons with her feet on the coffee table and a bowl of dried fruit resting on her stomach.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," she chimed as I poured a cup of coffee from the machine.

"Morning, beautiful," I replied as I walked over to the couch and leaned down to kiss her and then her belly.

"Mm," she hummed with a smile.

I sat myself down on the arm of the sofa and leaned around her. "How did _you_ sleep?" I asked as I ran my fingers through her hair.

"Great," she answered quickly, "Until your daughter woke me at seven with a nicely placed kick against my bladder."

"That's my girl," I muttered into my cup, buckling over as Bella slapped my stomach. She intended for it to be done playfully but it still fucking hurt. "Christ, baby, do you really have to hit _so_ hard?"

She smiled and threw a dried apricot into her mouth. My cell phone ringing in my pocket stopped my mouth from coming up with some smart ass sarcastic shit which, considering Bella's current condition, may have not been the best idea. I had learned fairly quickly that a pregnant woman _is not_ to be fucked with.

"Hey Jazz," I smiled down the phone. "How was the Big Apple?"

"Big and juicy my friend," he answered, "Big and juicy! How's the baby cooking coming along? Your mom said that it was another exciting no show last night. Which is good news for you seeing as Alice would have ripped your balls off if Mini-C made an appearance and she wasn't there to see it."

"And since when the fuck is that my fault?" I asked incredulously.

"No clue, man. She's _your_ sister. Just passing on a message," he answered.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head as Bella laughed at my side, able to hear every word my dickhead brother-in-law was uttering.

"So, what were you _really_ calling for, Jasper?"

"Oh yeah, well, it's Sunday and Peter and I were planning on taking a trip around the golf course. Alice and Charlotte have gone out for the day, you in?"

I glanced down at Bella and her gorgeous round belly and sighed. "No can do, man," I answered. "I'm spending the day with my wife."

Bella's head whipped around to me with a surprised expression on her face. "You are?" she mouthed with a frown.

"Hang on, Jazz." I placed the phone against my chest so he couldn't hear our conversation. "Yeah, is that not ok?"

"Of course but why are you not going to play golf?"

"Well, what if you need me?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Oh, Edward, I'm fine, really," she scoffed. "I'm just going to sit here, watch TV, grow even more gross and fat and maybe have a sleep."

She laughed lightly at my expression over her self description. She was anything but fat and fucking gross. She was resplendent at the very fucking least.

"Go," she continued with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Have fun. Play boy games."

I exhaled and furrowed my brow. I was really loathed to leave her on her own when we had had three visits to the maternity suite of Cider Sinai in the past week and a half.

"But Bella," I started with a huff.

"Baby," she interrupted with a roll of her eyes. "Go out with Jasper. You've been cooped up here as long as I have and I love you more than anything but the truth is, _I'm_ just aboutready to go all Jack Nicholson in '_The Shining'_ on _your_ ass. So go."

I smiled at her, laughing gently and leaned over to kiss her head. "Ok, scary pregnant lady, your wish is my command."

"Jazz," I said into the phone. "What time?"

~*~

_**7 Months earlier…**_

_Man, I really needed to get my ears checked._

_I needed them blasted with ice cold fucking water or some shit because I would have put my Aston __**and**__ my Viper on the fact that Isabella Cullen, the light of my life, my astonishing wife, had just told me that she thought she was pregnant._

_Pregnant…_

_I blinked at her a few times in quick succession._

_I hadn't said anything because apparently all my verbal and oral skills - in fact all my normal motor functions - had fucked off back to LA, leaving me in Sicily beginning to freak the fuck out, while knowing in the back of my mind that Bella really needed me to say something – and quick! _

_I just needed a minute…or fucking ten…_

_Pregnant…like, a baby…pregnant…_

_I mean…fuck…_

_Pregnant…really?_

"_Edward, say something."_

_My eyes suddenly focused in on the beautiful, anxious and clearly terrified face in front of me._

_Come on, Cullen…get your shit together…_

"_Um…I'm sorry, I just…I mean…um…you just caught me off guard."_

_Understatement of the fucking century!_

"_Tell me about it," she muttered as she dropped her head again._

_Shit…_

"_Bella," I said softly as I lifted her face to me. "I'm sorry it's just that that was the last fucking thing that I thought you were gonna say."_

_She frowned in confusion but didn't question what I meant._

_I continued to stare at her, still not finding the words to make her feel better in the clusterfuck that was my brain at that exact moment._

"_Edward," she whispered. "What do we do?"_

_Good question, baby…_

_Baby…holy fuck…_

"_Well," I said with a sigh and then cleared my throat._

_My wife needed me. She needed my support and understanding and I was doing a fucking crap job of showing her both._

"_You said you 'think' you're pregnant?"_

_She nodded._

"_So, you haven't done a test or been to the doctors?" _

_She shook her head._

"_Ok," I said a little more firmly._

_So it wasn't a definite pregnancy. She could be mistaken. Plus she was on the pill, maybe it was something to do with that._

"_How late are you?" I asked gently, rubbing my thumbs across her knees, as much for her comfort as it was mine._

"_Nearly two weeks," she answered quickly. "Eleven days."_

"_You know exactly?"_

"_My periods are like clockwork, Edward. They always have been. I'm never late. Ever. Plus, I'm on the pill so I have no idea how…" she trailed off and I could see her face become more distressed._

_You're not helping, Cullen…_

"_Hey, hey," I said calmly as I moved onto my knees in front of her at the bedside. "We'll figure this out, ok? You and me."_

_She exhaled and nodded slowly with slumped shoulders._

"_Alright, so we need to find a pharmacy that's still open or a store that sells pregnancy tests."_

"_Right now?" she asked incredulously._

_I nodded. "Yeah, now's as good a time as any. Don't you wanna know for sure either way?"_

"_Well, sure but what about dinner?" She gestured to my suit and then to her dress._

"_I think this is a little more important, don't you? And anyway the table was booked for half an hour ago."_

_She gasped and looked at the clock on the bedside table._

"_Oh God, I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry…I know you booked that table specially, I'm sorry, baby…and my dress that's so beautiful and…I'm sorry, I shouldn't…"_

_I stopped her word vomit with my lips hard against hers._

_I knew that she wasn't that upset about the table and I needed to man the fuck up and be there for her. We were both in a daze about this not-quite-definite news but I decided that, until I saw a blue line or a pink dot or a what the fuck ever on that pee stick, I was gonna be as strong as I could be._

_After that…well, who the fuck knew…_

"_Come on, beautiful girl," I whispered as I cupped her face. "Let's get changed and go."_

_She took a deep breath, rubbed her finger tips under her eyes and looked at me. "Ok."_

_~*~_

"Nice shot!" Peter called as my golf ball smacked the green and curled to come to a rolling stop two feet from the seventh hole.

"Fucking-A," I replied with a smile.

"Not too shabby, Cullen," Jasper conceded with a slow nod as he pushed his shades back up his nose from where he had been watching my shot.

It was a gorgeous, perfect day for golf and after an hour I knew that it was a good decision to be there.

Bless my wife and her sadistic, pregnancy induced, axe-wielding tendencies.

I hadn't had real '_guy time'_ for a while, between work and the pregnancy, and being with Peter and Jazz, I suddenly realised how much I had missed it. I missed Bella like fucking crazy, don't get me wrong and I worried about her even more, but it was definitely nice to be surrounded by testosterone for a while.

My happiness was also being helped by the fact that I was whipping Whitlock's bitch ass.

I sniggered as he took his shot and landed it straight into the bunker. I hissed through my teeth sarcastically. "Too bad," I said quietly as I clapped a hand to his shoulder.

"Fuck off," he muttered, rubbing the back of his head with the handle of his nine-iron.

We wandered around the course, shooting the shit and having a blast when my cell phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and felt my stomach clench when I saw Bella's name on the screen.

"Bella, are you ok? The baby alright?" I spat in panic.

"Hey, yeah we're fine, sweetie. Calm down."

I blew a breath through my lips and rolled my eyes at Jasper who was laughing at my shit scared expression. I flipped him the finger and threw a golf ball at him, clipping his shoulder quite nicely.

"Ok, what's up, honey?"

"I was wondering, if we have any Tabasco sauce in the house?"

I frowned in confusion, "Tabasco sauce?"

"Mmhm, I'm having a craving for it," she said with a hum. I was sure I could hear cupboard doors opening and shutting in the background.

"I don't think so, baby. I can pick you some up on my way home?"

"Would you? Oh God, Edward, I will love you to infinity and beyond if you do that," she answered with a satisfied groan.

I laughed lightly and rubbed the back of my neck with my palm. "Does that mean you weren't gonna love me that way anyway?"

"Oh shush," she replied. I could hear the smile in her voice. "I'm sorry I interrupted. Are you having a good time?"

"Yeah, really good. I'm whipping Whitlock's ass so it's all the more fucking excellent." I ducked as a golf glove flew past my head. "How are you, really?"

"I'm great. Just finished watching Spongebob Squarepants and now I'm onto Ren and Stimpy, although with my bladder the way it is, it's maybe not a good idea. Seth said he might come over."

"Ok, sweetheart, hey we might stop for a late lunch after the game, is that ok?"

"That's fine. I told you, Edward, have fun. I love you."

"Love you too. See you later."

Nearly two hours later, the game won by a mile by yours fucking truly, we were sitting in the sun at a restaurant down town, eating the most fuck awesome meat ball sandwich I had ever tasted.

"So," Peter said as he wiped mayonnaise from his top lip. "You and Bella all ready for the arrival of…"

"Mini-C," Jasper answered quickly with a mouth full of fries and ketchup.

Peter looked at me utterly puzzled.

"That's not what we're calling her," I said with a roll of my eyes. "That's just the stupid fucking nickname this asshole came up with."

"Oh," he replied with a slow nod and a smile at Jasper. "So, what _are_ you calling her?"

"Don't fucking bother," Jasper interrupted again with his palm up. "That shit is a better kept secret than the recipe for Coke a fucking Cola!"

"You'll find out in due course," I said with a satisfied smirk.

No-one, not even our parents, knew what we were going to call our daughter. It had been Bella who came up with the name and as soon as she said it, I knew that it would be fucking perfect.

"Fair enough," Peter replied with a chuckle. "How's Bella doing?"

"She's good," I answered. "She's been suffering badly with back ache, her cravings are still insane and the false alarms have been coming thick and fast but apart from that, she seems fine. So she tells me anyway." I shrugged.

"You don't think so?" Jasper asked seriously.

"No I do, it's just, well it's Bella, you know. I think she's getting really anxious about the birth. She has a birthing plan but there was concern about her size in relation to the baby. I don't know. They don't know if a caesarean will be necessary. Dr Hawkins thinks not but I know Bella's worried. I mean, why wouldn't she be?"

Peter nodded knowingly, "And how about you?"

I looked at him in surprise. "Um…I'm…" I fiddled with a piece of lettuce on my plate. "I'm just trying to be there for her."

In truth I was shit fucking scared about the whole caesarean concept as a whole. I knew that I would be what was best for Bella and the baby but I was still terrified that something was going to go wrong. I had fought my worries down ever since it was mentioned but the closer the due date came, the harder it was to suppress. I just had to remind myself that whatever I was feeling, my wife was feeling ten times more.

"Daddy Cullen," Jasper muttered with a chuckle. "I still have a hard time imagining that."

"You and me both, dude," I agreed as I sipped my drink.

"You'll do great," Peter commented. "Believe me, I was a mess myself when Charlotte had our first. How did you take the news initially?"

I swallowed and laughed lightly with raised eyebrows.

"I fucking shit myself," I answered honestly.

~*~

_**7 Months earlier…**_

"_Do you want me to stay?" I asked quietly as Bella turned the box containing the pregnancy test over and over in her hands._

_We were sitting on the side of the bath tub in the en suite and had been staring at said box for at least fifteen minutes._

"_Bella," I said quietly, running my palm down her back. _

_She jumped slightly as if she had forgotten that I was there._

"_Bella, I can stay while you…" I trailed off gesturing towards the toilet._

"_Oh," she murmured then shook her head. "No, no that's fine. I'll be ok but…"_

_She paused and ran a finger over the picture of the baby on the box._

"_But what, sweetheart?"_

"_You'll be in here as soon as I'm done, right?"_

_I sighed and pulled her to me. "Of course, baby. We're in this together."_

_I cupped her face and kissed her softly. "Just call me when you're done."_

"_Ok," she whispered and stood slowly. I followed her movement and walked out of the bathroom, closing the door gently behind me._

_I moved to the wall at the side of it and slumped against it in a daze._

_How the fuck did this happen?_

_I mean, shit, yeah, I knew how it happened, but we'd only been married a year. Surely this was far too soon to be thinking of babies and stuff? I wanted a family with Bella, of course, I wished for nothing more but fuck…now?_

_What kind of father would I be?_

_I rubbed an anxious hand down my face, feeling panic start to well in my stomach._

_I really wasn't sure whether I was ready for it. I was only 27. Wasn't that too young to be having kids? And what about Bella? She was obviously terrified about the notion too. How could I possibly be what she needed when my head was so far up my own ass?_

_I closed my eyes and dropped my head back against the wall, listening for her call through the door._

"_Get a grip," I muttered to the empty room._

_I had to focus on Bella. I had to push my worries aside and be there for her. She had been dealing with the news for eleven days on her own, which I knew couldn't have been easy and the last thing she needed was for me to be acting like an insensitive motherfucker._

_I shot up from the wall as the bathroom door opened and looked to see Bella holding a handful of tissue._

"_Hey," I muttered._

"_Hey," she replied quietly._

"_All done?"_

_She nodded and sighed. "It says it takes two to three minutes."_

"_Ok," I replied, my eyes glued firmly to her hand._

_My stomach was tight and my throat was drier than the Sahara. I honestly thought my heart was gonna break the fuck through my ribs the force at which it was beating._

"_Edward," she said almost pleading._

"_What, sweetheart?" I asked as my eyes met hers while I took a step towards her._

"_Can you…?" She lifted her hand to offering me the tissue and the test that was within it. "I just don't think…"_

_As soon as I saw the shake of her wrist I took it from her. _

"_Sure, baby," I soothed. I clasped it in my hand and guided her with my arm around her shoulders back to the bed._

_We sat in silence, both of us watching the digital clock as it meandered slowly from one minute to the next. I really had no clue what to say. My fist gripped the tissue in my hand and I could feel the shape of the test against my palm. I realised with a large gulp that I had never been as scared in my entire fucking life._

"_Edward." Bella's voice drew me from my fear and brought me back to the room._

_I turned my face to her and noticed she was looking at her hand that was nearly white from my grip on her._

"_Shit, sorry, Bella," I murmured as I loosened my grip._

"_It's ok. I'm scared too."_

_I looked in her eyes and saw the exact same thing that I was thinking._

_This was a big fucking deal and we were both utterly petrified about what it meant for us. But as I continued to stare at her I also saw the love that she had for me, so completely unconditional and unbreakable just like mine for her._

_We were in this together._

_She had helped me through so much since the day that we had met that I knew with each other we would get through whatever fate rested in my hand._

"_It's time," she whispered._

_I blinked at her and exhaled, bringing my hand from my side. Bella shuffled back a little so that I could lay the test on the bed between us. I looked up to her and she nodded. I clenched my fist to stop the shake and cleared my throat as I pulled back the tissue a piece at a time._

_And there it was._

_A small pink dot; bright and positive._

_~*~_

"Hey, man, can I have your autograph?"

I turned from the condiment shelf in front of me to see a young guy of about eighteen standing holding out a piece of paper and a pen for me.

"Um…yeah sure," I answered, taking them both from him.

"Can you write it to Becky?"

I nodded and did as he asked.

"Thanks, dude, my girlfriend will be so fucking stoked!"

I smiled and nodded as I handed it back to him. "No problem."

He held out his hand and I shook it.

"You're cool, man," he said firmly, "Awesome that you won the Oscar too."

"Thanks," I replied as I ran a hand through my hair.

"See ya," he muttered and sauntered down the aisle towards the exit. I glanced around quickly to see that no one else had seen the conversation and breathed a sigh of relief before continuing my shelf hunt for a bottle of Tabasco sauce.

"Where the fuck?" I murmured as I scanned each and every one in turn for about the hundredth time.

I pulled out my cell and dialled Bella sighing at the thought of not being able to get what she needed.

But I needn't have worried because her phone simply rang and rang. I let it ring until it hit voice mail.

_Ok Cullen, breathe. Don't panic, ring the house phone…_

I had been adamant about getting a land line so that I could get hold of her in case her cell battery went. It was cordless so she could have it with her at all times when I was out of the house.

That too rang and rang…

"Fuck," I fumed under my breath as I began walking towards the store exit and back out to the car lot.

_Ok, call Seth…_

"Hello?"

"Hey Seth, its Edward, are you at the house with Bella?"

"Um…no I left about two hours ago, why, is everything ok?"

"I don't know, I can't get hold of her," I answered as I slammed myself into my car seat, turning the engine on at the same time. "Was she ok when you left?"

"Yeah, she was fine," he replied. "I'm sure she's ok."

"Yeah," I muttered. "Sorry to bother you."

"No problem. You'll let me know she's alright?"

"Sure."

I threw the phone down on the seat next to me and drove through LA back home like a bat out of hell. I knew I shouldn't have fucking left her.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot," I seethed at myself in the rear view mirror.

I pulled the car up outside the house and dove through the front door, "Bella?!"

No answer…

Fuck my life.

"Bella?!"

I searched the down stairs finding nothing other than empty Sprite bottles and Chinese boxes on the coffee table along with her cell and the fucking house phone.

I ran up the stairs and barrelled into the bedroom. The sounds of my piano music came from the en suite which I charged towards, hitting the door so hard it banged into the wall behind it. I gasped in relief, my knees nearly buckling when I saw my wife in the bath surrounded by a huge amount of bubbles, looking at me in utter panic.

"Edward?"

"Isabella," I gasped, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Sweetheart, I love you to the ends of the earth but seriously don't ever, fucking do that to me again!"

"What?"

"Your cell and the house phone are down stairs, Bella and here you are…upstairs!"

"I'm sorry," she murmured, sitting up slightly so that her belly disappeared under the bubbles. "I just…I needed to get in the bath so I left them there. I didn't think. Sorry, baby."

I took a second for her words to register.

"What do you mean you _needed_ to? Are you ok?"

She took a shaky breath. "My contractions started about forty minutes ago."

I rubbed my face. "Dammit, Bella! Why didn't you call me?"

"Because we've had so many false starts, I didn't want to worry you."

"Didn't wanna…?" I repeated incredulously. "I swear woman, you're a fucking nightmare."

I walked over to the side of the bath and knelt down beside her.

"I'm sorry," she muttered, leaning her head back against the bath tub.

"It's alright…just, don't shut me out. I need to know that you're both ok."

"Ok."

I rubbed my hand across her damp hair.

"Edward," she whispered, closing her eyes gently.

"What baby?"

"Can you get in here with me? My back…I think…these feel really different."

"Different how?" I asked, feeling my panic rise through my body.

"Just…different, like…more intense than before, like they're deeper inside. I don't know."

"Do I need to call Dr Hawkins?"

She bit her lip and nodded.

"Ok," I said, lifting immediately from the side of the tub while pulling my cell phone out of my pocket.

I explained to the doctor what Bella had told me, while she asked how far apart the contractions were and at what level of intensity they were between one and ten. Bella answered with a four.

"Ok, it definitely sounds like you need to bring her in," she said firmly. "The first stages can take a long time however so don't rush and panic her. You said she's in the bath?"

"Yeah," I answered quickly. "She says it helps her back."

"It will and she's fine to stay there as long as the contractions stay as far apart as they are. As soon as they become closer together you need to get her here."

"No problem," I assured her.

"Call me when you set off."

"I will, thanks Doctor."

I pushed my cell back in my pocket and started to undress. Bella scooted forward slowly and I stepped in behind her, folding my arms and my legs around her sides. I kissed her hair and rubbed the sponge gently across her stomach.

"You ok?" I asked softly.

"Mmhm," she replied lazily. "That feels good."

"I love you, you know," I murmured into her ear before placing a soft kiss on her neck.

"I love you too," she answered, as I continued to caress the sponge and warm water over her body.

~*~

_**7 months earlier…**_

_Holy shit…_

_Holy fucking shit…_

_I stared at the pink dot, so small but so fucking monumental all at the same time._

_My lungs suddenly began to burn with the breath that I didn't know I was holding. I exhaled slowly not wanting to alert Bella to my utter shock and alarm._

_Pregnant…like, for real…_

"_Oh God," I heard her whisper._

_I looked up to see her large brown eyes fill with tears and her hand cup to her mouth._

_Man up, Cullen…_

"_Isabella," I said softly, placing my hand over the test, moving it to the bedside table. "Come here."_

_She didn't move._

_I shuffled towards her and placed my hands under her arms lifting her to me, ironically, like a small child. I placed her on my lap, tucking her head under my chin and let her cry into my chest. I had no idea what her tears meant. They could have been fear, shock, anger, happiness – I had no clue._

_All I knew was that I was going to be a father and I had no fucking idea how I felt about it._

_We sat, like that, for a long time, letting the news sink in slowly. I was, by that point, leaning my back against the head board with Bella still curled up against me, stroking her hair and wishing to God that I knew what she was thinking._

"_Bella."_

"_Mm."_

"_Baby, we need to talk about this."_

"_I know."_

_Slowly she raised her head to look at me, her face saying so much it was indecipherable. _

"_You need to tell me how you feel about this," I urged. "Because honestly sweetheart, I have no idea what to do for you."_

"_For me?" she asked looking puzzled. "What about you? How do you feel about this?"_

_Now there was a question…_

"_Um…" I ran my hand through my hair. "I don't know." I shrugged apologetically._

_She smiled and blew air down her nose, "Me too."_

"_Are you…happy?" I asked nervously._

_She stayed quiet for what felt like years._

"_Edward, I want nothing more than to have a family with you…"_

"_But…" I offered, dropping my head to catch her gaze._

"_No but…I just…is it too soon? I mean, we've only been married a year, together for not much more than that. I kind of thought that we'd have longer…just you and me and I'm sorry for thinking that and being selfish but…I don't know."_

"_Hey," I croaked, feeling so entirely relieved that we were on the same page that I could have danced around the room. "It's ok. I feel exactly the same but…"_

_I licked my lips and took a deep breath, feeling a wave of calm wash through me._

"_Bella, since the day we met I've kinda believed that we were meant to be. You were meant to come into my life the way you did at the exact time that you did. I was meant to fall in love with you the moment I laid eyes on you and we were supposed to get married in our meadow and be here at this precise moment too."_

_As the words came from me I knew in my heart that I meant every single one of them. I cupped her face with my right palm while I played with her hair with my left._

"_I love you and I agree that it is soon and I too would have loved to have just you and me for a little while longer. But, Bella, I have this overwhelming feeling that this," I gestured to her stomach, "was meant to be."_

_I shrugged not knowing if she understood what I was saying._

_It was the strangest sensation feeling utterly terrified but also weirdly content about the entire situation. Part of me wanted to run and hide from my fear about being a father and all that that referred to but the other, larger part of me wanted to face my fear at my wife's side and take on the huge adventure that was headed our way nine months down the line._

_Two huge tears rolled down her cheeks as she stared at me._

"_I know exactly what you mean," she whimpered. "I…do…want this, Edward."_

_I smiled at her and nodded, feeling my panic ebb away gently at her words. I slowly took her hand and placed it along with mine against her stomach just below her belly button._

"_Me too, baby. Me too."_

_And it was nothing but the absolute truth._

_~*~_

I wandered back into the maternity suite at Cedar Sinai to see that Bella was hooked up to an electronic foetal monitor while a nurse took her blood pressure.

"Dad says he'll be here when he can. Mom's still in San Francisco," I said as I took my seat at her bedside. "And I've arranged a flight for _your_ mom and dad. Angela and Seth said they'll be here soon, as well as Alice and Jazz."

"Thank you," she said with a smile as I rolled my eyes at the prospect of my overly excited sister.

We had been at the hospital a little under two hours and although Bella's contractions were still a distance apart they were beginning to become more painful. She tried to hide it but I could see it in the winces and twists of her face and I hated it. I wanted to take it away or suffer it myself. She looked so small and helpless in the large bed but I knew deep down that my wife was anything but.

The foetal monitor was used because of the possibility of her caesarean. Dr Hawkins had explained that she very much wanted Bella to have a natural delivery but that all options had to be considered carefully.

As amenable as I was to that, the electronic equipment and wires freaked me the fuck out.

The nurse left and I took the opportunity to place a soft kiss on Bella's lips.

"How are you doing, baby?" I asked as I skimmed her cheek with my thumb.

"I'm ok," she answered with a small smile. "I just wish it was over with."

"It will be soon," I replied, praying like hell that it was true.

Although Dr Hawkins had said that it may take hours I was still hopeful that she was wrong. I just couldn't imagine sitting, waiting, watching Bella in pain for hours. That shit was going to drive me insane.

I made sure that she as comfortable as she could be and that she had plenty of ice chips to keep her cool and hydrated but I still felt utterly frustrated that I couldn't do more. I held her hand through the contractions, holding my breath through every one, willing it to be quick but after another two hours they were lasting longer and were clearly hurting her.

"How long?" I asked the doctor as she checked the monitor again.

I couldn't help but notice the slight frown that covered her brow as she marked the paper with her pen.

"Um…still a way yet, I think. But you're doing beautifully, Bella."

She turned to us both, clicking her pen and placing it back in her breast pocket.

"I'd just like to set up another monitor so that we can hear the baby's heart beat for a little while. Is that ok?"

"Yeah," Bella replied. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, nothing to worry about," she said with a small smile that I couldn't quite figure was genuine or not. "I just want to make sure that baby is comfortable and that her heart beat is nice and strong."

Bella looked at me and I smiled in agreement. She looked back to the doctor who stood patiently.

"Ok," she said with a small nod.

The doctor left and the room suddenly became weirdly quiet.

"Do you think there's something wrong?" Bella asked as her grip on my hand tightened.

"No, beautiful," I answered as evenly as I could through the huge ball of fear and doubt that was filling my throat. "I'm sure everything is fine. She said you are doing great."

"Yeah," she answered with uncertainty in her eyes.

"Hey," I whispered. "I'm here, ok?"

"I know."

"I love you."

The heart monitor was set up and we sat and listened to my daughter's heart beat as it filled the room. Short of Bella's laugh and the sound of my name on her lips it had to be the most beautiful fucking thing I had ever heard.

The doctor continued to make small pen marks on the foetal monitor and infuriatingly the frown I had noticed before was still present. She unhooked the monitor after about an hour; spoke quietly with the two nurses that were with her and the started leaving the room.

"I'll be right back, ok?" I said to Bella as I kissed her head.

"Hey Doctor," I called as I hurried after her down the hallway.

"Hey," she answered with the same smile.

"Look, tell me if I'm wrong but you don't seem happy with whatever's on that paper."

She slipped her hands in her pockets and nodded. "At the moment everything looks ok…"

"Just ok?" I asked crossing my arms over my chest trying to hold myself the fuck together.

"Yes," she replied quickly. "The baby's heart rate dropped a little. It's nothing to be too concerned about just yet but I need to keep a close eye on it."

"Do you not think you should tell Bella this?"

My voice sounded funny as the words _heart rate_ and _dropped_ slammed about my head.

"No," she answered firmly. "The baby, for now, is perfectly fine and if I tell Bella she may get more anxious and panicked and cause more problems for your baby. It is very important that she stays calm through this. _You_ need to stay calm through this for her, ok?"

I nodded feeling anything but fucking calm.

"I promise, if the situation changes you'll both be the first to know."

Although her tone was firm I knew what she was saying was the truth.

"Thank you," I muttered.

"You're welcome. Now go and look after your wife." She smiled and set off back down the hall.

~*~

_**6.5 months earlier…**_

"_Are you nervous?"_

"_A little," Bella replied, placing her hand on my knee that was tapping up and down like crazy._

"_Not as much as you obviously," she smiled and kissed my cheek lovingly._

"_I'm sorry," I muttered lifting her hand to mine so I could place a soft kiss on her knuckle._

"_It's ok," she said softly. "We're in this together remember."_

"_Yeah," I answered with a smile and a sigh of relief._

_Thank God for that…_

"_Mrs Cullen?"_

_We both looked up to see a young blonde haired nurse standing with a clip board._

"_We're ready for you."_

_Bella took my hand, giving it a small squeeze as we walked through the white doors and down a hallway towards the ultrasound room. It was surprisingly dark in the room that we entered and my eyes immediately went to equipment that looked like a TV and was sitting in the corner of the room looking all technical and scary and shit._

"_Mrs. Cullen," a dark haired lady smiled as we approached. She shook her hand and then turned to me. "Mr. Cullen."_

"_Edward please," I offered as I released her hand._

"_Ok," she replied with a nod and a noticeable blush. "I'm Debbie your ultrasound technician. Shall we get started? Mrs. Cullen…"_

"_Bella," she interrupted._

"_Bella," she repeated with a smile. "If you could get up on the bed for me and lift your top up and unfasten your jeans that would be great."_

_Bella let my hand go and did as she was asked, lifting her t-shirt and loosening the buttons on her fly. I sat down in the chair next to her and watched as Debbie placed a green sheet on Bella's legs and tucked it into the waistband of her jeans and panties._

"_So, Dr Hawkins tells me you're now at around eight weeks is that correct?" she asked as she lifted a sheet of paper from a clipboard._

"_Yeah," Bella answered with a quick glance at me._

"_That's wonderful. This is your first, right?"_

_We both nodded and smiled nervously._

"_Ok, well let's see how your baby's doing today."_

_With that, after putting a pair of latex gloves on, she lifted a large bottle of green coloured liquid. "This may be a little cold, sorry."_

_Bella giggled slightly as it was squirted onto her stomach._

_The screen of the TV suddenly lit up but it was turned away from us, making it impossible to see what was on it. Debbie placed a device that looked like a one end of a dumb bell onto Bella and the picture flickered._

"_Alright, let's see…"_

_I fidgeted in my seat, like the impatient fucker I am, wanting desperately to see what it was that she saw._

"_Aha," she said quietly. "There we are. Yeah, eight weeks sounds about right."_

_And with that she turned the screen towards us._

_I'm not entirely sure what I expected to see but I'd be fucked if I knew what the hell I was looking at._

"_That is the gestational sac and this…" she clicked a couple of buttons, "…is your baby."_

_She pointed to a small peanut shape in the centre of the screen and my breath caught in my throat. I leaned forward in my seat, feeling Bella's hand grip mine to her side. It was the tiniest, weirdest most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my entire life._

"_That's…that's our baby," I muttered to no one in particular._

"_It is," Debbie answered with a smile. "And this…" she clicked another button, "Is your baby's heart beat."_

_The room suddenly filled with a loud thumping sound that was so quick I could barely keep up with it._

_It was the single most incredible sound I had ever heard and made the hairs all over my body stand in awe._

"_Bella," I whispered as I looked at my beautiful wife._

_She beamed at me and cupped the side of my face as I stood over her and kissed her hard on the lips._

_Ultrasound techie be damned. _

"_I love you," I murmured as I kissed her again "My God, Bella, that's…can you hear that…? That's…"_

"_I know," she said with a quiet laugh and tears in her eyes. "It's amazing."_

_It was and so much more._

_It was my baby; our baby and until that moment I had never realised a heart could hold as much love as mine did for something so small._

_~*~_

"Bella, breathe, baby, come on sweetheart."

"Christ almighty," she gasped as she gripped my hand with the strength of a world champion arm wrestler. "God…Edward…"

"I'm here, breathe, beautiful," I urged as best I could, hating the pain that was etched across her face.

She panted and slumped back against her pillows. A light sheen of sweat sparkled across her forehead.

"Holy shit," she moaned.

"You're doing great, baby." I leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you," she groaned. "But I can't…"

"Yes, you can," I said firmly before being interrupted by a loud beeping that was coming from the foetal monitor.

The nurse who had been checking the paper that was coming from the machine turned to the doorway where another nurse had suddenly appeared, seemingly out of thin air.

"Get Dr Hawkins quickly!"

My heart dropped into the soles of my feet and the entire world seemed to slow.

"Wh-…what's wrong?" Bella whimpered, fear covering every inch of her face as her eyes flickered wildly from my face and then back to the nurse.

"I don't know," I answered with a slow shake of my head as I watched the nurse click buttons on the machine in front of her.

Dr Hawkins entered the room at super speed, rushing over to the nurse where they conversed in what I could only decipher as fucking Swahili.

"What's going on?" I asked as loudly as I could without my voice breaking.

But no one answered me.

Why weren't they telling us anything? This was my wife, my daughter and they just remained fucking silent like they didn't fucking matter.

"Hey! What the fuck is going on?!"

"Edward," Bella gasped, gripping my forearm.

I looked down at her and immediately regretted my outburst. I had to remain calm but fuck it all to hell I was fucking terrified and I wanted answers.

"I'm sorry," I muttered sheepishly.

"It's alright," the doctor said softly. "Bella, your baby's heart rate has dropped far too low for my liking and she's obviously in distress, so we're going to need to prep you for an emergency caesarean. It will only take five minutes. We'll get you into surgery and I promise you I can have your baby out in ninety seconds."

"Oh God," she said through a loud sob. "Edward."

She grabbed for me like she was drowning and I had no clue how to save her.

"It's ok, sweetheart, I'm here. I'm here." I cupped her face and showered her face with kisses, willing my body to quiet down and stay calm but the fear…

Jesus it gripped at my heart like a fucking vice.

"Mr. Cullen," Dr Hawkins said gently. "Come with me a moment?"

"No fucking way," I growled as I held onto my wife.

"Please?"

Her eyes pleaded with me and I knew I had to do as she asked. I turned to Bella and stared at her intently.

"I'll be right back."

"Come back quick, please, Edward, please," she begged through soft sobs.

"Where else am I gonna go?" I asked as I placed a kiss on her forehead, scrunching my eyes shut as I felt her shake under my lips.

I followed the doctor into the hall, running my hands through my hair, wanting to rip it from its roots.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, feeling my lungs squeeze in my chest. "I'm just…" I rubbed my palms down my face.

"I know, but you need to stay as calm as you can right now for Bella."

I nodded, putting my hands on my hips and dropping my head towards the floor. My whole body felt numb, exhausted and utterly fraught.

"I know…I just…" I swallowed hard as my voice cracked. I bit my lip and looked up at her. "That woman in there…she's fucking everything to me. Everything…I can't…our baby…if anything…"

"I know that and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure her and your daughter get through this with the minimum amount of distress. But I need you to help me with that, ok?"

"Yeah," I said quietly as I swallowed back my tears.

My chest ached and the utter sense of helplessness and terror crashed through me like cut glass.

"Ok, let's do this."

She disappeared back into the room. I stood for a moment trying to compose myself before Bella saw me.

"Edward?"

My breath left me in a rush as I turned to see my father walking quickly towards me.

"Dad," I whispered, feeling my emotions scratch hard at the surface.

"Son, what's wrong? Is Bella ok?"

I shook my head. "The baby…her heart rate…they have to perform a caesarean, Dad…"

He put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed it firmly.

"Bella…she's…Christ, Dad, what if…?" I couldn't finish my sentence as the tears I was holding in over flowed and ran unashamedly down my cheeks.

"Come here," he murmured, pulling me to him, holding me tightly as I cried desperate, frightened tears into his shoulders, just as he had nearly eight years before when he picked me up off my apartment floor when I hit my lowest point.

"I can't lose…my daughter, Dad," I sobbed quietly, holding onto him for dear life.

"You won't, Edward," he said determinedly while rubbing my back. "The doctor's here are incredible. They'll do everything they can."

He pushed me back from him, cupping the sides of my neck.

"Listen to me. You need to be there for Bella. She needs you now more than ever. I know it's hard, Son, believe me, I know. When your mother had Alice and she…" He trailed off with a large breath.

"You need to focus on your wife. She'll be terrified right now and you have to be strong for her."

"I know," I coughed through my tears. "I'm trying…I'm fucking trying so hard."

"I know," he muttered, rubbing my shoulders again. "You're strong, Edward. Remember who you are."

I blew a long breath through my lips and nodded. "Thank you."

"Any time, I love ya."

"You too."

"I'll wait here. Your mother should be here soon."

"Ok."

I wiped my face with my hands and set off back into the room where the nurses and Dr Hawkins were milling around my Bella.

Her eyes widened in relief when she saw me.

"Edward."

"Hey my beautiful girl," I whispered, standing as close as I could without getting in the way of the nurses. It was so hard being unable to take her in my arms when the pull I felt for her was as strong as it was.

"I'm so scared," she whimpered.

"I know it, baby."

"What if they don't get her out in time?"

"Shh," I soothed her, taking her hand and kissing every knuckle. "They will, sweetheart. They will."

Her grip on me tightened.

"Hey, do know what I was thinking about?"

She shook her head slowly.

"I was thinking about the day we found out that you were pregnant. Do you remember?"

She nodded.

Of course she remembered, but as long as she was thinking about that she wasn't thinking about what was about to happen and that was all I wanted.

"I was so scared then, Bella. I had no idea what to do or say to you as I held you. You were so worried about what my reaction was gonna be." I smiled and raised my eyebrows. "But I knew that this was meant to be, Bella. Do you remember when I told you that?"

I cursed myself as my voice broke. She nodded and bit her lip.

"I knew that when you said you wanted this…our daughter…that I wanted it too. More than I've ever wanted anything and you looked _so_ beautiful when you realised that."

"Baby," she murmured, pulling me towards her.

I kissed her softly, leaning my forehead against hers.

"I can't wait to meet our daughter, Bella."

"Me too," she replied, kissing me again.

"Ok," the nurse behind me said gently. "We have to get her into surgery."

"I'm right here," I promised her as they wheeled the bed towards the door and out down the hall.

Dad stood from his seat that was situated outside of the room.

"I have to…I have to go," I said, gesturing towards the procession of bed, nurses and doctors.

"Go. I'll be here."

I nodded and then ran like a motherfucker after my wife.

Within minutes of entering the OR, the whole place and every person in it, including me, were covered in blue scrubs and sheeting. I stood by Bella's head while the doctors prepped her baby bump with some fuck awful orange looking stuff.

"Can you feel anything?" I asked as I smoothed my hand across her forehead.

She looked so fucking tired and I ached to make it all better. I ached to kiss her fear away and I ached to have my daughter safely in my arms.

"No," she answered quietly. "Can you see anything?"

I shook my head. "I'm staying right here until I don't have to."

She smiled and blinked up at me slowly.

"I love you," I whispered as I leaned down to her. "I'm so proud of you, Bella, you have no idea."

"I love you," she whispered back. "Tell me it's going to be ok, Edward, please?"

I let out a shaky breath. "It's going to be ok, beautiful."

She sighed and closed her eyes.

"Do you know something?"

"What?"

"I had a dream last night about what she's gonna look like."

She grinned and her eyes lost some of their uncertainty. "Really, was she beautiful?"

"Oh yeah," I replied with a furrowed brow, "Devastatingly beautiful, just like her mother."

She rolled her eyes and laughed lightly.

"She had big brown eyes and dark hair - with a _little bit_ of red." I pointed to my hair that was covered with a surgical cap.

"You may feel a slight tugging sensation, Bella, but that's perfectly fine, ok honey? We'll have her out in about sixty seconds," the voice came from the far end of the room but my eyes never left my wife's.

"Edward." The look of panic was back.

"And she had long, long eyelashes, like me," I continued, not missing a beat. "And beautiful pink lips and a small nose like yours." I brushed my finger tip against hers to show her. "My God she's going to be gorgeous, Bella."

She nodded as I wiped the tears that were falling down the side of her temples onto the bed she was lying on.

"She's out!"

My head shot up but all I saw was a blur of motion and blue.

"Can you see her?" Bella asked. "Edward, can you see her? Is she ok?"

"I can't see her, baby," I answered, trying like hell to see past the bodies that surrounded a table at the far side of the room.

"Why can't I hear her? Oh God, Edward, why can't I hear her? Isn't she supposed to cry?"

I looked back down at her and what I saw shattered my heart into a thousand pieces. She was so fucking terrified, desperate to get to her child, to hear her, to hold her.

My heart pounded in my chest as I leaned my head to hers.

"Just wait, baby, she will."

_Please, please, please…_

"Edward…"

"Breathe Bella. Just wait…just wait…"

_Nothing…_

"Breathe…you'll hear her…you'll hear her…just wait…"

_Oh God…Oh God…please…_

And then there it was.

The most incredible, magical fucking sound I had ever heard.

My daughter crying.

I exhaled with a sound that was almost pained in its relief and the tears burst from me large and unrelenting. I grabbed Bella's face and kissed her.

"I love you. I love you. I love you."

"She's ok? She's ok, Edward?"

I lifted my head and my eyes met Dr Hawkins who smiled widely and nodded gently. She walked over to us and looked down at Bella.

"She's perfect, ten fingers, ten toes, six pounds ten ounces. We're just giving her some oxygen and then you can see her."

"Thank you," I sighed.

"My pleasure, you did wonderfully, Bella." She looked up at me, "Both of you."

"Thank you," I repeated with a nod.

I was itching to see her but I didn't want to leave Bella's side but within moments a nurse holding a small bundle of blue blankets approached me.

I held my breath as I felt my eyes widen.

She gestured for me to take her but I was paralysed to the spot. All I could see was dark hair and a small nose peeking from under the woman's arm.

"Edward, baby, take her," Bella whispered with a smile.

"Um…yeah," I muttered, taking a step towards the nurse.

I opened my arm and she placed the baby's head in the crook of my elbow.

I looked down at the creature in my arms and I was lost once more.

My whole world came to a grinding halt and surrounded the baby girl I was holding.

I instantly knew without any fucking doubt that I would do anything for her, be anything for her and do it until my dying day.

I would love her, protect her, throw myself in front of a bullet for her, play with her, teach her and be the best father I could be for her because I knew, as I gazed down at her, that she deserved nothing less.

Never had I seen anything so perfect, so beautiful and so like my dream I had to blink twice to make sure she was real.

But she was.

She was real and I was holding her.

My daughter.

"I dreamed of you," I whispered as I kissed her perfect forehead.

"Is she beautiful?" Bella asked tenderly.

I turned slowly and crouched slightly so that she could see her.

"Edward, she's perfect."

"She looks like my dream," I murmured. "She's just like you."

Bella lifted her hand and stroked a finger down her tiny face.

"Hello, Angel. God she's so soft."

I watched as my wife introduced herself to our daughter, speechless, overwhelmed and so happy there were no words to describe it.

"Thank you, Isabella," I said as I kissed her lips. "She's beautiful, she's just so perfect. She's everything."

"She's Elizabeth Anna Cullen," she said gently as she kissed me back.

I laughed softly and nodded.

"Sure beats the hell out of Mini-C," I smirked.

"That it does," she replied with a chuckle.

Grudgingly, after fifteen minutes, I handed her back to the nurses who said that she would have to be placed in an incubator for a couple of hours just to make sure her oxygen levels were normal. I scoffed slightly at that.

Normal? This is _my_ fucking daughter, she's fucking awesome.

Once Bella was stitched up, she was wheeled back to her room where she fell asleep almost instantly. I kissed her forehead, telling her subconscious that I would be back. We still had family to tell.

I wandered back down the corridor, seeing my mom and dad, sister, brother-in-law and friends jump up from their seats in silence as they saw me.

I stopped and opened my arms wide. "I have a daughter."

The squeals and shouts of joy echoed down the hall and I was suddenly bombarded with hugs, kisses and back slaps that I welcomed unashamedly, especially the ones from my father and mother.

I kissed my mom and held her tightly.

"She's so fucking perfect, Mom," I whispered.

"Of course she is," she sobbed in my ear. "Of course she is."

"Congrats man," Jasper said with a wide smile as he hugged me. "Mini-C is finally here."

"Um…no, she's not," I argued. "My daughter is called Elizabeth Anna."

The silence that fell on everyone was stunned. I glanced nervously at my mother.

"Is that alright?"

She smiled and wiped her eyes.

"It's perfect, Edward." She hugged me again, kissing my cheek. "It's perfect. I know she would be so proud of you."

I squeezed her to me with a smile allowing myself one precious second where I thought of my mother, Elizabeth, in heaven, proudly watching over the new angel in my life.

**Holy….no words, Batman….**

**Leave me love –I'm off to blow my nose and dry my tears.**

**TTFN xxx**


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